broom March 2014

 

 

broom Breaking News

Listen, don’t shoot!

(Kiev, Ukraine) The riotous revolution in former USSR satellite state Ukraine takes on ever more ferocious forms. It is time to stop shooting and start sitting down to talk.
Of course both sides are really responsible for the evil escalation of the formerly quiet protests against the critically corrupt Ukrainian government. Still, the pompous president is definitely to blame for sending snipers to shoot down protesting people on Kiev’s Maidan Place, and for not moving an inch from his positions while evidently expecting the people to suffer in silence. This cannot work! We have seen lots of roaring revolutions of late, and if the participating parties are not to be moved to sit down and listen and talk to each other, then things will go from bad to worse.
Yet there is one example of a quiet, people-led revolution

without any brutal bloodshed: The German reunion in 1989. How easily there could have been the same situation as in Kiev right now if the GDR government had not been silent. What if the then-still-existing USSR had interfered with military might? What if the fierce factions of EU and USSR had refrained from talking and reverted back to the preposterous positions of the Cold War? We would have had the very same scenario as it is now to be seen in Kiev.
Therefore, we implore on everyone involved: Listen to each other. Find a compromise. And, most important of all, stop killing people! (BC&MF)
Note: It seems as if the parties managed to sit down and listen. Great, guys, and now see to it that peace is fully restored.

Marital Row Feels At Home
 

In the happy home of the wealthy Weasleys – the young generation, that is – riotous riots are traditionally taking place particularly about the daily duties. The dealt with differences arise actually from the various ways in which the two were privately brought up. Reigning Ron witnessed the wife as the 

devote and caring part while half-hearted Hermione happily grew up watching her working mother participate in the production of the family's profit. Naturally, two worlds clash and they clash in form of their two representatives. This sounds like an emergency for Agony Auntie Agatha. (MF)

newbroom-e-gram
February 1st – German soldiers know now how to dress their hair and beards. Is that really that relevant for troops? We always thought knowing how to defend oneself would be much more important than haircuts!
February 4th – In the NSA-scandal it becomes known that the supervision of and eavesdropping on heads of governments started far earlier than thought of. Well, the NSA can learn something from the Ministry of Magic: Ministers of Magic have been eavesdropping on British Prime ministers ever since the first one, Robert Walpole, got the office in 1721!
February 5th – Turkey censures the web. Well, we guess newbroom has a new field to work in with the Resistance Rocks campaign. Let’s try and get Turkish people free access to the world’s knowledge (and gossip, and needless tidbits, and so on).
February 9th – Alright, Switzerland, we get the message: You don’t want any well-educated foreigners taking over your jobs. 		Luckily we are not so well-educated – can we come?
February 11th – The USA decline to sign a No-Spy-Contract with the EU. Does that surprise anyone?
February 14th – Valentine’s Day, and the first German minister of this cabinet announces his demission from office: Hans-Peter Friedrich is history. Well, a historical footnote, maybe. A tiny one. If you don’t just ignore footnotes altogether.
February 18th – In Kiev, Ukraine, the revolts escalate. This is a veritable revolution, and revolutions are not exactly children’s parties. Let us hope that the president and the revolutionary leaders can find a compromise and end the bloodshed.
February 21st - Finally the Ukranian politicians sat down to talk and find a compromise. After all there is some hope for peace.
February 28th - Last day of this extremely short month! There's nice news, though, winter is definitely over. And: A new edition of newbroom appears on your screen.

The Magical Bachelor - Brian Wants a Wife!

Now that the contestants moved into the charming cottage at the edge of dreary Dartmoor, the time has come for Brian to make his first move. To make things more interesting for all of us, Brian himself does not know what he will have to do and whom he will have to invite for the first group date to get to know some of the ladies a bit better. Violet Vainglory will take you on a trip into the wilds of the moors!
Here we are again, and our magical bachelor will soon get some very interesting owl post. This is the procedure: Brian will receive instructions as to what is to be done, and then has to go to the cottage to fetch the chosen ladies – chosen by us, not him, of course. This first time we wanted to make it easy for him. After that, the group will go on a walk through the hills to talk and watch the scenery, and of course meet the famous Dartmoor ponies. Let’s see how things are going:
Brian has received the note that he will have to invite Pomona Sprout, Dolores Umbridge and Muriel Weasley for the first group date. Still, he also gets the chance to choose one of the remaining ladies for a single date for the next issue. So he might feel better about the choice we forced on him – or not…
“Hello, ladies, I’m here to invite the first lucky three to join me in a ramble across country. Er… Professor Sprout, Mrs Weasley and Madam Umbridge, will you join me?” The ladies seem astonished, and they may well be – none of them would have been chosen by Brian for sure had we not played Cupid. They agree readily enough, fetch their wellies and off they walk across country.
Now, Dartmoor in sunshine is a nice enough place, if you like barren trees, wind-swept heath and broom bushes galore. For those of you who master the art of driving a Muggle car, be aware that the right of way belongs to the animals living in the

area: wild ponies, cows, sheep and goats. And since they are British animals, they know exactly who has the right of way and behave accordingly. If you are not out to get a free joint of mutton, keep alert and ready to brake at any moment.
Our hikers are now on a hill, watching the grey walls of the infamous Dartmoor prison. “I remember,” says Madam Umbridge, “we once thought of taking over this prison instead of Azkaban, but the village would have had to be evacuated and we had no plan for this.” “Rubbish,” declares Muriel Weasley, “if you had not been so blind on the Dark side, we would not have had these past troubles. I mean, my great-nephew’s marriage ceremony would have been much better, plus he wouldn’t look like minced meat right now!”
As they walk on, Professor Sprout takes note of every bush and bloom there is. “Cullen, do you remember what heather can be used for?” “No, but if I can just call up my friend Patience, she’d know,” Brian says. “Shut up, Cullen, Miss Wood won’t help you in this, neither in the heather-question nor with your search for a wife.” “She is married, Professor, I know she won’t marry me.” “She wouldn’t have anyway,” Professor Sprout says and walks on.
At the end of the day, we can state that Brian got to know the three ladies much better and has petitioned the producers to be allowed to vote off the three of them at once, but was declined any voting-off until the fifth edition. Still, there is the choice of his companion for a single date, and it is - - - Penelope Clearwater! Apparently, our magical bachelor is of the opinion he should get to know the ministry clerk a little better and how can that be achieved more easily than with a nice day at the beach in Mousehole?
Be prepared for the next edition and the ongoing drama of our magical bachelor’s hunt for a wife! (VV)

The British Museum Has Not Lost Its Charm

(London) Shortly before summer, spring turns its nasty face at us and showers us with rain while the cold winds do their best to push these liquids into our faces, so what can you do? You can go to a museum. But not any museum, why not the British Museum in London. Mike has talked to one of the Trustees of this institution to find out more about its attractions and distractions from the bad weather.
MF: Welcome to our office!
T: Thanks for having me and thanks for letting me talk about our museum.
MF: Personally, we here at newbroom are huge fans of museums, but what is there to see for people who are not regular museum visitors?
T: First of all there is the Greek revival façade. Naturally, it is the first thing you would see. So, if you are interested in architecture or like Greek buildings, ours is the place to go.
MF: Still, that might not make anyone enter your museum.
T: Well, for those I would just like to add that entrance is free.
MF: That is quite nice! So what can we see once we enter?
T: Well, the first item you will see is the olduvai hand-axe, which is a tool from Tanzania. It's a stone that you used very much like a modern axe, but

  1.2 mio years ago. And experiments have shown that it has been pretty effective.
MF: But that certainly is not the oldest object you have!
T: No, in fact we have a stone chopping tool, which is 1.8-2 mio years old. It as well comes from Tanzania.
MF: That is great! What else is there?
T: Well, the next room offers changing exhibitions. At the moment there is a swimming reindeer on display.
MF: A swimming reindeer, was it left there by Santa?
T: Probably not. You can also have a look at Enlightenment, which happened during the 18th century. And this period pretty much turned us into who we can be today.
MF: And that's even though most of us haven't been around in the 18th century.
T: Then we move on to the Americas. There you can see artefacts of the natives. Those most loved are the pipes that look like animals.
MF: Do they also have a sign that smoking kills.
T: No, otherwise they might still be with us today after 2200 years.
MF: And you are funny, too.
T: Sure I am. Well, there also is an exhibition of Chinese ceramics. And even though porcelain prevented the		  Chinese from inventing the glass and making more scientific progress, still if you come to think of it, it's wonderful just to take a bit of clay and turn it into something as beautiful as ceramics.
MF: No elephants admitted.
T: No, but they prefer the natural history department anyway.
MF: Is there also anything serious at your museum?
T: Surely, we have a department of living and dying. This showroom reveals in which ways different cultures deal with death. For example, in times before photography and facebook postings all over the place, you might have had a pocket-size sculpture of your beloved ancestor.
MF: Well, we're definitely out to learn a bit.
T: Yes, but it is also meant to entertain. Just take your time and have a look at whatever is of interest to you.
MF: Well, we certainly will. See you there.
As usual we would like to thank the kind and funny Trustee to help us into an insight into the world of the British Museum. And we can now for certain state that it has not lost its charm. (MF)

Celebrity Graves for Your Own Use

(Germany) In a new wave of recycling, Germany attempts to put historically valuable graves to a second use. People there get the opportunity to sort of rent a grave while still alive. This enables the community to maintain the graves even though there are no relatives left who want to pay for the maintenance. Plus it serves the German hobby of recycling.
Everyone knows that a grave is extremely expensive and as funding is scarce the administration turns to the population to get further financial support. Obviously, no one would pay for a famous grave without getting anything in return. Clearly, it would be impossible to add an extra plate reading “This grave is sponsored by...”, consequently, you have to offer something else in return for the money.
What – in fact – is offered is the right of usage. This might mean that you can cosily settle yourself – in your urn – in this grave,

  but unfortunately or fortunately, this event will only take place once you are dead. Why not use it while you are still alive?
As we are talking about graves here, it is quite clear that you can't put up a hut or even house on this piece of real estate – just keep in mind that the whole idea is to maintain the historic graves – but why not use it as a garden?! Vegetables are healthy and my prolong your life which means that you get even more use for your money.
You're not a friend of vegetables, then why not go for fruits. Strawberry fields forever. Just make sure to stick to small breeds: a grave is a grave is a very small patch of land only. This would add to the variety of the town and the menu.
Well, this would have proven to be a nice model for Great Britain, pity only, that our famous graves are in churches or are put to a new use as car parks. This, probably, is the British way. (MF)

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Just for you, Severus!

Disclaimer: All names, characters and places are property of J.K. Rowling and Warner bros., except of those not found in the "Harry Potter" books and movies which belong to Ulrike Friedrich and Kirsten Seelbach. No financial and/or commercial gain is intended.