broom Breaking News
White
Christmas? Humbug!| (The World) The wild weather caprices call for some comments.
White Christmas seems to be everybody's fine favourite, but how often has this
actually appeared? Let us have a longer look: Only four times in the last 51 years has there been a snowy Christmas-card like scenery in Great Britain. The last white Christmas occurred two years ago, and the one before that was in 2009 - though not quite literally, since it only started to snow on Christmas Day. You see, the chances for a white Christmas are exceedingly low! But still Christmas carols and advertisements suggest that a |
perfect Christmas has to be
white. So what can you do? You could travel, for instance - somewhere cold where there is snow. We recommend the poles. Or you can just imagine snow. Or, being a witch/ wizard, you can just surprise your neighbours by letting it snow magically. However, you should not pack your storage room in this case, since you will most probably land in jail for such a grave offense against the Muggle Secrecy Act. So, even a non-white Christmas can be perfect. Just enjoy yours, wherever you are! Merry Christmas! (BC) |
Calendar
Chaos
| (The World - but not as we know it but in a new shape) An atypical advent calendar had 24 tiny doors to be opened this yummy year. Any infant knew that this wonderful world would finally follow the way of old (or was it ‘all’) flesh and finally finish in a fantastic finale on December, 21st leaving the remaining three presents untouched. However, the magnificent Maya seem to have merely miscalculated or rather our serious scientists have merely misinterpreted the infinite information they had readily retrieved from the ancient calendar, therefore, we | gloriously got to cheerfully checking our clever calendars. Cheerfully for two reasonable reasons: first for the fine finale that was a failed fake and second since we simply see so much in sugary sweets and chocolaty chocolate. Unfortunately, some unfair fellow secretly helped himself to the safely stored sweets, leaving the remaining rest of his gloomy colleagues deeply depressed. This deep depression also is the clear cause why we now publicly complain in one voice: we hate you Brian! (All but BC) |
Christmas broom-e-gram
| December 23,
Sunday, 11 am We realize with a shock that Christmas is in two days. Today
is Sunday. We don't have a single present to give to our friends. What on
earth can we do? December 23, 1 pm We start thinking of home-made presents. The first batch of gingerbread men burns. Having no more flour, we give up baking. Without any crafting supplies, we give up the idea of making presents. December 23, 4 pm We start editing the list of people we wanted to give soemthing to. Our slaves are erased from the list, so is |
Geronimo. Subordinates do not deserve gifts. December 24, Monday, noon Maybe we should get presents, after all. The shops are open till 4 pm today, so we will set out to hit the shops. December 24, 4:30 pm We got presents for everyone! Hopefully Geronimo likes the bottle of mulled firewhiskey and our slvaes are happy with warm socks. But the thought counts, doesn't it? Christmas Eve, 7 pm Gifts are deposited, cards signed and newbroom done. Aren't we geniuses? Ho ho ho! |
Cooking and Slicing|
Christmas is the time for enticing scents and exotic spices, as nobody
knows better than our very own celebrity cook, Harriet Kettle-Stove. Lucky for
us she found the time to note down some recipes, although she is quite rushed
off her feet because of the countless charity events she attends to show-cook.
You, dear readers, can try out Harriet's ideas in your own cosy kitchen -
enjoy! Merry Christmas, dear cooks-to-be, every WI-member (Witches' Institute, eds.) will tell you that a roast is a must at Christmas. Witch Weekly will tell you the |
same, but let me assure
you: There are more possibilities! If you prefer spending time with your
family instead of slaving in the kitchen, try my easy dinner! Starter: Salad and dips Nothing could be easier. Cut your favourite salad and vegetables, like carrots, bell peppers, etc., into any shape you like. Christmassy shapes like reindeer are fabulous, but hard to charm. Provide dips based on yoghurt and mayonnaise to taste and enjoy. This is quickly prepared and always very much appreaciated. Main course: Onion Fillet You can prepare this dish the day before all those hungry people invade your |
house. Use small cuts of
fillet, roast them, add cream and onion soup powder, and let bake for about an
hour. Serve with potatoes and salad. Delicious! Dessert: Ice cream and marmelade sauce Get plain vanilla ice cream, and plain orange marmelade. Put the marmelade into a pan and add seasonal spices. When your orange sauce is liquid, pour over the ice cream. Yummy! Now enjoy your holidays and have a happy new year! Yours, H. Kettle-Stove |
Agony
Auntie Agatha|
Dear
Agony Auntie Agatha, Actually, the problem I have is no real problem – at least not for most of my fellow humans. They keep laughing at me when I raise this topic. However, as a matter of fact there is one week to go to Christmas and all my Christmas preparations are done. I begin to feel quite bored seeing that everyone else around me tends to be quite busy and gradually more and more panicky. I have thought of baking more Christmas biscuits but 5 kilo are clearly enough. I consider buying more presents but my bank account said no. And as for decorating my home even more, well, there just ain’t any space left. M. Chris-Mess Winter Wonderland Dear M. Chris-Mess, Relax! Christmas time is the time to enjoy life no matter how much or how little you have to do. Merry Christmas, Auntie Agatha |
Dear Agony Auntie Agatha, When I checked all my secret hiding places in the house, I found a couple of presents which presumably are left-overs of Easter. I'm unsure now what to do with them: Shall I give them to my family now or save them for Easter. In the latter case I am a bit scared that I will either misplace them again or find some more from this Christmas. Besides, do coloured eggs make a good present for Christmas and what are the consequences of food poisoning? K.O.N. Fusion East Er Dear K.O.N. Fusion, Simple rule: Anything that is food goes to the dustbin. Anything that is of no use for Christmas is saved until the next Easter, labelled and put in a place where you see it every day. The rest is turned into Christmas presents. Merry Christmas, Auntie Agatha |
A
Nativity Story
|
Two thousand and odd years ago, the Emperor Augustus decided he needed more
money. Since nobody could tell him how many people lived in the Roman Empire
who were able and due to pay taxes, he ceverly decreed that everyone had to go
to his native town (women did not work and consequently paid no taxes back
then) and be counted. Thus, the dead pensioners still n the government's
payrolls could be detected as well. It was a good idea for the bureaucrats in
Rome, but it forced people to close their shops, stop building, quit their
farmsteads and travel a considerable way. It even stopped some military
campaigns, and some barbarian tribes couldn't believe their luck seeing the
Roman soldiers leave. In Palestine, a rather unwilling Roman province, an odd couple had also set out to Bethlehem, the husband's native town. Joseph, who found himself in an embarassing situation to say the least, had chosen to take his heavily pregnant young wife Mary with him. That was because he, Joseph, was very sure he could not be the father of this unborn child, and Mary had told him a weird story of an angel announcing she would bear God's son. Since Joseph thought it more likely the angel was a good-looking neighbour, he decided to take no chances and rather risk the child being born somewhere along their route. |
Once in Bethlehem, Mary and Joseph were very tired.
However, there was no room to be had. Bethlehem at that time was one of the
bigger towns, and the hotels and B&Bs were full. Those who had no kin left in
town, like Joseph, were told they should have given notice of their arrival in
advance - about a year ago there had still been rooms to rent, but now,
impossible! Joseph was fuming. Wasn't his wife allegedly of the family of
David? And he himself, wasn't he a renowned carpenter? But no, all the hosts
closed their doors, even when he tried to bribe them by offering to mend their
houses for free. Finally, a host told them to lodge with his ox and donkey in a stable, which would at least be a warm shelter for them. By that time, Joseph would have lodged in the temple yard itself if need be, and Mary was swaying with fatigue. The night was not as uneventful, though, as Joseph could have wished - Mary was in labour, and the child would be born in Bethlehem. Should Augustus have the same idea later on, Joseph thought angrily, the kid would have to travel, too - if it was a boy, that was. It was a boy, pretty and sweet, and Joseph suddenly found that, even though he was not the real father, he could not throw the baby boy out as he had secretly planned. Mary | was so relieved, and he himself thought that it was not the boy's fault his
mother had been weak once. Suddenly somebody knocked, and Joseph, thinking the host had heard Mary's yells and sent for a midwife, opened - just to face some shepherds. They told him a tale which spoke of too much alcohol, of angels singing to them and that the baby now sleeping would be a king. Joseph grimaced. A king, indeed! A king of stables, more like. And then, when Joseph had fulfilled all the duties imposed on him by the Roman administration (which included paying taxes for the newborn son as well as himself), three odd-looking men came, announcing they were astronomers and kings from the East and had been told to follow the star and find the new king. Honestly, thought Joseph, the gifts were fine to stock him up again after all the taxes and travel expenses, but having to flee from envious Herod had not been his dream. No, Joseph thought when he and his wife and her son had finally returned to Nazareth, he would see to it the boy would become a good carpenter and nothing else. If it was up to him, baby Jesus would never be told about the strange events around the time of his birth. Never! Merry Christmas! |
Thanks!|
(The World) Around the globe people are busy preparing for the day of days believing that
this is the one perfect day of the year. As a matter of fact it rarely turns
out to really be. Therefore, the editors and staff of newbroom would like to
take this chance to remind you just how wonderful this passing year was. If you are shaking your heads now in protest claiming that not much good was experienced in the last 12 months, we have to put you right. Just remember the guy who held the door open for you because with all the bags and carrier bags you would have been doomed to camp outside. And the girl who picked up the coin you dropped at the cash desk returning it with the loveliest of smiles. And do you remember the car driver who let you out of the side street after you had waited for 10 minutes. What about the friendly staff at your favourite bakery wishing you a good |
morning even though you didn’t find the time to brush your
hair and didn’t know what you actually wanted to buy or were able to
utter it. Not to forget the friendly gentleman who was ready to give you his parking ticket because there is more than an hour left. Or the joking conductor on the bus, train or ferry. Think of your neighbours who always have a friendly word for you respecting you for what you are and not what you could be. Not to mention your colleagues who readily accept your own inabilities helping you out of trouble knowing that you would do exactly the same for them. But most of all think of your friends whose steady support and encouraging nature make you survive the most troublesome of times. Should you happen to be either of the afore mentioned people thank you for being who you are and where you are. Life just wouldn’t be worth living without you. (All) |
newbroom’s Christmas Carols |
It's our pleasure to present a couple of 1. I Saw Molly Missing Death Eaters (sung to I Saw Mummy Kissing Santa Claus) I saw Molly missing Death Eaters/Standing right in front her very eyes./So I cast one more blast/And I hit her first and last./She looked so pleased and nice/I guess she didn’t realize./Then, I saw Molly cursing desperately/For her wand had just broken in halves/And Death Eaters were all around./So I cast a spell or two/Saving Molly from the Death Eaters. |
2.
Reports We Have
Read In broom
(sung to
Angels We Have Heard on High) Reports we have read in broom/Telling us of certain doom/Leading to intended gloom/And unwanted tourist boom. Refrain: Gloria, in excelsis testata!/Gloria, in excelsis testata! Readers, why this jubilee?/Because it’s not the end of be?/You will never believe me/And that is what I hate most, you see. Refrain: Gloria, in excelsis testata!/Gloria, in excelsis testata! I’m sure we will see the day -/There’s nothing that you can say -/Be it autumn or sunny May/When we surely have to pay. Refrain: Gloria, in excelsis testata!/Gloria, in excelsis testata! Until then let’s not be sad,/Ignoring all that is quite bad./Even though this sounds quite mad,/Sing and laugh, that’s all my lad. Refrain: Gloria, in excelsis testata!/Gloria, in excelsis testatea! |
3.
Voldemort Rocks
(sung to
Jingle Bell Rock) Voldemort/ Voldemort/ Voldemort rocks/ Voldemort scares and Voldemort kills/ Screaming and blowing up houses for fun/ Now Voldemort's reign has truly begun. Voldemort/ Voldemort/ Voldemort rocks/ Voldemort's troops are there right on time/ Waiting for orders of any odd kind/ in their own dark lair. What a dark time/ It's the last time/ For many to enjoy/ Voldemort's time is a hard time/ to go running somewhere safe and warm/ Run, run, Muggle friends/ pick up your feet/ Get into hiding fast/ Never stir from where you are! That's Voldemort's reign, that's Voldemort's reign, that is Voldemort's reign! |
