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Annual Anniversary Edition

Happy anniversary to us, happy anniversary to us…oh, there you are: a very warm welcome to our annual anniversary edition! For many months and in fact almost since  the last century we have had the honour to openly offer you the opportunity to often observe the ongoings of the magical world. Sure, it’s not sixty sensational years and therefore no dashing diamond jubilee but still we are pretty proud of our eighth anniversary.

While we are anxiously unwrapping our plentiful presents and countless gifts, brush through our BBNs, read our reports, inhale our interviews, solve our sudokus and absorb our articles. Then take part in our party and raise your rum or alternative alcohol or different drink to our extraordinary employees, our excellent editors, our perfect printer good Geronimo and particularly any person who has ever paid for newbroom. (All)

German Minister Filches Flying Carpet

(Afghanistan) Dirk Niebel, German Minister for Developmental Aid, fell vile victim of cunning carpet-seller Ali Bashir.
Bashir, banned from slyly selling flying carpets in England, set up shop in Afghanistan, where magical law enforcement is still deeply disrupted by the war. There, his criminal carpet-weaving did not attract any attention. Only when unsuspecting Muggle

Minister Niebel bought a cute carpet and finally forgot to pay taxes, Afghan Aurors became acutely aware of Ali's activities. Therefore, the sneaky salesman was banned from selling his powerful products anywhere.
Niebel, by the way, got off lightly: it turned out that there was a special agreement which makes it unnecessary to pay taxes on goods from Afghanistan - even flying carpets! (MF)

Ministers Got Talent

(broompire) “Another breathtaking show is about to begin. The audience has been warmed up and the jurors have gathered. And we, Harriet and I, are at the ready. Last month saw another candidate disappear into oblivion or should we say to the psychiatric ward. Yes and no one will ever hear of Mr Lockhart again.” “We do hope so. Now let us reveal to our audience what is happening tonight.”
“Harriet, this is going to be one of the 12 most exciting editions of this programme!” “Well, anything else is hardly possible, I dare say. However, I do agree that tonight the air is tense with suspense.” “Actually, I feel a little bit like Christmas.” “Yeah, or birthday.” “Or Easter in fact.” “Or all of these.” “But Harriet, we are playing mean tricks to our audience. I better tell them what they are expecting tonight while you go over to our candidates.” “Leslie, this the best idea you’ve ever head. Cheerio.”
”As you can see, our jury has already gathered. Here we have former Ministers Fudge and Thickness and as the most special of our special guest jurors we welcome former German President Wulff. And those of you who are familiar with the political situation in that country will know what he has specialised in: receiving gifts.”
”Leslie, this sounds like fun today. Our candidates have to choose the right gift for different politicians for different occasions.” “How do they feel about this task, Harriet?” “Well, in fact, it looks like they are pretty relaxed about choosing the right gifts.”
”Yes, in deed, and this although they have a wide range to choose from. There are concert tickets, holiday flats, all sorts of pieces of furniture, including carpets from the Middle East and innumerable other gifts.” “Our jury has gathered and is at the ready. Hermione is the first to have a go. She’s carrying a crystal ball – no it’s a snowstorm globe with a penguin inside. Hark, she will reveal the politician and occasion shortly without any delay.” “It's for Robert Henry I. It’s a gift presented for the occasion of an audience he is granting.” “The jury is clapping Harriet, this seems to have been a wise choice.”
”Our next candidate is Draco he is carrying an envelope. I wonder what might be hidden in it.” “It's for an Eastern European politician who doesn’t want to be named for the

support for economical relations.” “Clapping again – who would have believed that money makes a present – instead of the much more common bribe.”
”Yes, very queer, Leslie. Maybe we will be enlightened during tonight’s show. The next one to appear in front of the jury is Brian Cullen. He can hardly carry his load and I guess it will take some time until he will reach the jury.” “Harriet, he is nowhere to be seen. No, there he is. I bet he has never worked so hard in his life. Let’s hear what the man has to say.” “It’s a sack of coal for a local politician in Newcastle. The occasion is his anniversary in office.” “Clapping all over the jury. Bravo Brian!”
”Arsenio now takes the stage. He is light-hearted as he holds a book in his hand.” “It’s a cookbook, an English one and it is for the visit of the French Minister of the Exterior.” “Wonderful! I think I’ve even seen some of the jurors mouth the word ‘bravo’. And I was so sure he would choose something sweet.”
”Something sweet is on our schedule next, Leslie. It’s Mike’s turn and he carries a bag of the finest sherbet lemons you will ever find on this planet.” “And this although he is quite sweet himself!” “This is for HRH the Queen for the invitation to an informal dinner.” “I guess Mike will be the next journalist to be invited to the Queen’s palace after she has seen his performance tonight.” “And particularly after she has seen him tonight.”
”Our last candidate is Sybil Trelawney. She’s carrying something red.” “Yes, it looks like a small car.” “This is for our guest juror for the occasion of…” “What is that, Leslie?” “I don’t know, our guest juror has jumped from his seat and is currently forming a plus with his two indicating fingers.” “Is he retreating?” “Yes, in deed he is stepping back and leaving the studio. The other jurors are simply shaking their heads.” “Well, if the politician reacts in such a way to the gift he is supposed to be receiving, I guess that will lose her some points.”
”As a matter of fact, the remaining jury is shaking Trelawney’s hand.” “And they are telling her that they are so sorry.” “Well, seems as if she was left by her gift of foresight.” “Yes, isn’t it a pity.” “Actually, no – no, I was only joking. However, every month one candidate has to leave.” “Quite right, therefore make sure not to miss next month’s edition of: Ministers Got Talent.” (HKL&LPG)

Young, Gifted and Unemployed

(broompire) This month saw a very special guest juror. He was the German president of the superlatives: He was the youngest president ever, the one with the shortest term of office and the one who received the most gifts. We are very pleased that former German President Wulff found the time to sit down and answer a couple of our questions.
newbroom: Take a seat, sir.
FGPW: No, thank you it doesn’t fit into the interior of my house.
newbroom: Right, but maybe you want to sit down.
FGPW: Yes, very kind of you.
newbroom: Thank you for taking the time to answer a couple of questions.
FGPW: No, I didn’t take anything, not even the chair that was offered to me.
newbroom: No, right. Let’s come to our first question. What are you currently planning for your future career?
FGPW: I am a counsellor now and therefore I counsel.
newbroom: A counsellor, that’s pretty good: little work and loads of money.

 FGPW: Are you hinting at the fact that again I am accepting gifts and presents?
newbroom: No, we would never ever.
FGPW: Good, the press will find out early enough any way.
newbroom: You used to have a close contact to the German press.
FGPW: Yes it was give and take, I would say.
newbroom: With the taking happening mostly on your side.
FGPW: I beg your pardon!
newbroom: No, sorry, actually, what we were going to ask was: what went wrong in your relation with the press.
FGPW: Well, once they had hints that I was involved in some holiday flat scandal they wanted to have something bigger than that or else they would print it. I can hardly wage war on Iraq just to cover up a major crisis.
newbroom: Well, at least not as a German president. Just imagine what would have happened had you been the president of the US!
FGPW: I don’t think that that’s funny.		 newbroom: No, of course not. What happened once the first scandal was uncovered.
FGPW: Well, then they started to get hold of my other skeletons in the cupboard. That was a witch hunt that culminated in the finding that my wife had accepted a children’s car when she got her new car.
newbroom: Your wife drives a children’s car?
FGPW: No, additionally to her car she also got a small children’s car.
newbroom: Like matchbox?
FGPW: No, like Bobby.
newbroom: Aha.
FGPW: You know something, I had second thoughts about the chair. It is quite comfy. I think I will take it anyway. I’m afraid it will be too big to take it with me personally by plane but maybe the German secret service will take it with them. They sometimes offer this type of service secretly.
No need to mention that this was not only the last we ever saw of Wulff or our chair. What a pity, we liked it so much. (All)

 

Sudoku
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Although this is our birthday this is your present, Severus!

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