broom Breaking News

It's Too Darn Hot

The starting seasons of this year have been quite cold in comparison to their moderately milder previous predecessors. Throughout January to June we have been frequently freezing – with the occasional exceptions of pumping, shovelling or scooping cold, dirty and wet water out of our cellars which made us sweat, warm and desperate. However, jolly July has changed the yearly average value and proven that statistics are muck. As a matter of fact this sequence of temperatures has shown it all year long: statisticians constantly compared the taken temperatures to the average value of the last thirty years. Recent results differed from statistics by 1 or 2, sometimes 5 or

even 10 degrees, still, what is a definite difference of up to 10 degrees between friends and in the course of three decades? What used to be the coldest year ever since the creation of the world will go down to history as another average year, lowering the average of the first six months and raising the average of – at least – July. Which is also telling about the other years that have made up the average: too cold, too warm, too wet, too dry, too whatever and still constructing the average. Now to help you think about it just place yourself outside: head in the sun, legs in the shadow and feet into icy cold water – I wonder what the average temperature will be...

Severe Shock for Severus Snape

(London) The Muggle Royal Family avidly announced the arrival of a baby boy who maybe might be cool king in the far future: precious Prince George Alexander Louis of Cambridge.
The bewitching baby's mother is divine Duchess Catherine, formerly known under her Muggle maiden name of Kate Middleton. Little George's fine father is Prince William, grandson of Queen Elizabeth II. In evident essence, this makes gorgeous George a half-blood prince since his mother is not of

really royal blood.
Now, that severely shocked the so-far one and only half-blood prince, Severus Snape. We do not see the dreary difficulty in that, since cuty george is a Muggle prince and sorrowful Severus a wizarding one - and one by name only to boot. So, cheer up all you fierce fans of the magical prince and enjoy all the mad media hype about the miniature Muggle baby boy prince.
(ALL)

newbroom-e-gram

July 2 - Now the students at Hogwarts cramming Astronomy have two more things to learn: Pluto officially got two more moons, Cerberos and Styx.
July 3 - The Egyptians decide to have another revolution and make President Mursi abdicate. Not our fault this time.
July 16 - A Swedish professor suggests our interviewee Edward Snowden as a candidate for the Nobel Prize for Peace. We guess this is a see-through maneuver to have him publicly arrested.
July 18 - The city of Detroit, USA, is bankrupt. How on earth Muggles managed to bankrupt the whole city is a riddle.

  July 21 - King Albert III. of Belgium steps down and his son Philippe succeeds him to the throne. Not our doing, either.
July 22 - Happy birthday baby George! HRH Prince George Alexander Louis of Cambridge is born to day.
July 25 - Now that we read through this month's events, we see we need to start a new campaign to make the right Muggle politicians step back. But actually it's too hot to conspire. Too hot to think.
July 31 - Happy birthday Harry Potter! Although the heat is positively crippling we finished the new edition on time, so happy day to us, too!

 

The Muggle Camp: I’m not a Muggle - Get me out of here!

(Bury St. Dorothy) Another month has passed and our candidates sweated their time away – no, not only because it is so hot, but mainly because today we say good bye to another one of our dear candidates. Watch Harriet and Leslie doing the honours and revealing all about today's new task.
“Leslie, it is too hot.” “Much too hot, Harriet and this time it is not our candidates' fault.” “At least we do hope so!” “On the other hand we also feel a little bit cold around our hearts, because the character we have to say good bye to today has grown quite close to our hearts.” Which is a surprise in itself because she is not among the most loved at Hogwarts: Irma.” “Well, someone has to make sure students don't make a mess in the library.” “Yes, you're right there Irma. Are you sad to leave the show?” “Well, it was an experience, that's for sure but I am happy and thankful that I may return to the well-known walls of Hogwarts library.”
“And she will be even more so once she has heard what our candidates have to face today, Harriet, what could that be?” “As a matter it's not so much facing as putting into their faces.” “But that does sound quite good.” “Leslie, it would if it wasn't for the most disgusting British food.”
“Breakfast!” “That's my turn, better get it over with. What's that? It looks like my usual breakfast porridge. It also tastes like my usual breakfast porridge – I guess it is my usual breakfast. At last – now I feel like home! Yummy and just the thing to give you all the energy for an extended Quidditch training in the rain!”
“Lunch!” “Porridge, really. I do hope I have something more challenging than that. What's that? Oh, there's a sign: Blood Pudding. Urgh. Excuse me!” Half an hour later. “All right. I just

  put my fingers on my nose and eat it. One, two, three. Urgh, that's horrible! Eat, Gilderoy, eat. You've beaten giants, you've beaten dwarfs, don't let yourself be beaten by a blood pudding. Urgh.”
“Dessert” “Oh dear, this looks interesting. What is it? Uhu. Spaghetti ice. Noodles or probably pasta and tomato sauce on ice, well, let's see, at least it's quite hot something cold will do me good. Yummy, that is delicious and doesn't taste at all of noodles or tomato sauce. That's vanilla and strawberry and white chocolate. I love it! Can I have some more please?”
“Tea time!” “Cornelius, I'm so glad I don't have to go through this alone! Just to imagine what we are about to encounter.” “Not to worry Dolores, I will be close to you and if it really gets tough I'll hold your hand.” “Oh, that's so kind of you!” “Beef tea and – I can't read that aloud, not in the presence of a lady.” “What is it, Cornelius? Merlin's beard it is spotted dick. I think I'll take the tea. Urgh, horrible.” “Mine is disgusting, too, Dolores, be brave. We will manage!”
“Supper!” “Jellied eel? You must be kidding. That's not meant to be eaten that's a way of conserving the eel for a museum or school or Snape's poison ingredients' cabinet. Eel, just the sound of it tells everything! I have to eat it or leave the show? I can't leave the show not with the things going on here. All right. I'm eating. See, I'm chewing and swallowing. Oh, it is horrible.”

“Oh my goodness, if this wasn't brave!” “I'm surprised all of them managed brilliantly.” “You are quite right. This means it is – again – up to our audience to decide who is to leave the show.” “Make sure to send in your owls and ...” “...not to miss the next episode of The Muggle Camp!” (LPG & HKS)

 

Secret Keeper No. 1

(An unplottable place) newbroom has been most fortunate to be allowed to talk to the probably most looked-for person in the Muggle World, Edward Snowden. Since we can offer him maximum magical security, he was fine to come and reveal some secrets.
nB: Mr Snowden, rest assured that no Muggle can find you here. This place does not even appear on maps.
ES: So you say. But the NSA actually has access to your Ministry of Magic.
NB: No way. Muggles don’t even know that it exists.
ES: Well, we do, at the NSA. We know that your Minister for Magic is currently controlled by evil forces and that there is a kind of private army on the loose called the Death Eaters.
nB: You read that in the papers lying around here.
ES: Actually, we had the British Prime Minister bugged.
nB: You had an animagus hiding in his office?
ES: If that is the British word for a micro-cam, then yes. We heard and saw him talk to someone called Cornelius Fudge and someone called Rufus Scrimgeour.
nB: You can forget both, one is arrested, one dead.
ES: Exactly. And also dead is Albus Dumbledore. Which was a major drawback for your side, incidentally.
nB: Gosh, you really know a lot. Is there anything in the world

you do not know?
ES: Not much, no. There might be some primitive people in the Amazonian rain forests we do not yet watch, but otherwise we eavesdrop everywhere.
nB: In most countries, private conversation is protected. Thoughts are free and not punishable.
ES: I think so, too, that’s why I want to alert people to the fact they are watched.
nB: In your – former? – home country, freedom is usually a major issue. Many Americans do not want the state to interfere in their private lives, like in the questions of carrying weapons of getting insurance. But in this case of blatant state interference, nobody is even remotely concerned!
ES: I guess we are just so grateful because not more terrorists attack us. So we think that the state needs to know everything to prevent catastrophes. However, you may well wonder at this fatalism. I cannot explain it myself.
nB: Which new revelations are waiting for us?
ES: With all the information I have I can lastingly damage the image of the USA and reveal their hypocrisy. I am, in effect, a dead man walking therefore. If ever they catch me, they’ll shoot first and ask questions second.
nB: We truly wish you all the best, Mr Snowden. Good luck and take care, and thank you for the interview!

Sudoku

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Enjoy the summer, Severus!

Disclaimer: All names, characters and places are property of J.K. Rowling and Warner bros., except of those not found in the "Harry Potter" books and movies which belong to Ulrike Friedrich and Kirsten Seelbach. No financial and/or commercial gain is intended.