broom Breaking News
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Sweet sugar beets are beaten by soft seed-flesh of precious pumpkins.
Everyone is eager to eat the interior of easy to empty pumpkins instead of buying a sandy and not to bite sugar beet. Our own charming childhood was filled with ferocious Firebolt flights and endless emptying of not too eager sensible sugar beets. Traditionally, they were taken as terrifying terror to terrible |
targets. Fumbling out the filling you faked a face on the front and
filled the vegetable with fire. Gaga grimaces were guarding gardens and horrible
hags were haunting houses while wicked wizards waited for wary well-to-dos. At
the end of this elder era sugar beets were set back by palatable pairs of
pumpkins. Sad story!
(MF) |
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(Portsmouth) Halloween harasses poor pumpkins pitifully. The orange orbs
obediently let themselves be cruelly cut from their lovely leaves and then
have to suffer severe suffering from dreadful decoration. Pumpkins in Portsmouth dared to decide to raucously refuse to have their tops taken off and their insides evilly removed to have | a ferocious face cut into their front flesh and a creepy candle burning them. So they paraded pitifully through the streets, menacing Muggles and winding up wizards. In the evil end their pained parading was put off by a weary woman wanting to feed fine pumpkin soup to her silly siblings who carefully caught the pitiful pumpkins and cooked them. Happy Halloween! (ALL) |
Don’t Lose Your
Head!
Although the leader of the famous Headless Hunt is such a busy celebrity it
is really hard to catch him for a little talk, Mike Flatley managed the
unmanageable and interviewed Sir Patrick Delaney-Podmore.
MF: Sir Patrick, what a pleasure to have you here. Please do leave your
head on, no, too much courtesy, really. Well, Sir Patrick, what is your
favourite pastime?
PDP: It’s head polo, of course.
MF: Oh, how lovely. I heard that head polo was really difficult to play.
Is that true?
PDP: Well, not if you’re completely beheaded.
MF: Honestly? Quite amusing, really! Let me ask you a somewhat
impertinent question. How did you lose your head?
PDP: Oh. Well, I was beheaded, I guess. It seemed I was too arrogant
for certain bishop.
MF: Were you indeed? You were quite a scallywag, Sir
Patrick! You even performed at Hogwarts once, didn’t you?
PDP: Yes. Actually twice. One time was the deathday of Nick. Do you
know him?
MF: Yes, of course I know Sir Nicholas. Do tell our readers why you did
not invite him to join the Headless Hunt.
PDP: I never invited him because he wasn’t correctly beheaded and
cannot play head polo.
MF: Perhaps you might reconsider one day. After all, Sir Nicholas can
be really quite frightening.
PDP: Impossible, or have you ever tried to hit a whole ghost instead
of just the head?
MF: Well, Sir Patrick, it was nice to talk to you. I hope you will, er,
never lose your head.
PDP: This has actually happened before, but luckily I’ve always
found it again. Usually it’s lying under the washing machine.
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Happy Halloween, dear friends! We will cook a bloody meal today, and I’m not referring to the swearing word here. Make yourselves ready for a real shocker of a Halloween feast! For a start and to welcome our guests we will give them a Blood Orange Margarita This little drink will hopefully make your guests feel at home and cosy – although it also bodes evil for the following meal! However simple it may seem to serve a cocktail, this one needs a bit of preparation. First you must make a simple syrup of blood oranges by melting sugar in blood orange juice until it’s syrupy. It must still be liquid, mind! Then take a pitcher, fill in your syrup and add 8 ounces of tequila and 7 ounces of triple sec. To create the drink, use ice-filled glasses, pour in the mix and add one or two slices of freshly cut blood orange. Deliciously wicked! What else but a good Blood Pudding is needed at a Halloween party? Right, |
this disgusting but evilly fitting dish needs a lot of preparation and a
stout-hearted cook. And a pig. Oh, and a butcher. Or an executioner, of course,
Mr MacNair is always at your service.
A delicious but illegal variety of this dish involves a freshly slaughtered dragon, but you might land yourselves in Azkaban for doing that. So better catch a pork, preferably not your Muggle neighbour’s pet, and have it butchered. Collect the fresh blood and immediately salt it and stir until it coagulates. Cut the lung, 2 lb of fresh pork, half a pig’s heart and 2 pig necks (okay, okay, you need two pigs, yours and your Muggle neighbour’s pet-pig) into large pieces and cook them in just enough water to cover the meat. Add salt and 3 chopped onions. This mix needs 3 hours to get ready. Once it’s well cooked, take the meat out of its bath and mince it. Now add your minced meat to the cooking liquid and add 2 chopped onions, pepper, cloves, salt and coriander seeds. Bring everything to a boil and slowly add the congealed blood by pouring it through |
a sieve. Stir constantly
or have your house-elf help you. Add two teaspoons of flour. Hm – that’s a
real ugly and disgusting dish, isn’t it? This needs to be followed by a nice Blood Orange Sorbetto Put water and sugar into a pan and dissolve the sugar. Once it has melted, add blood orange juice and remember to taste it if it’s sweet enough. If not, add sugar. Pour the mix into a shallow dish and freeze the stuff – ask professor Snape for help if the mix doesn’t freeze with your usual freezing charm. Really tasty! If your guests require something more heartening after this Halloween feast you cannot blame them. Have some sandwiches at the ready, and a bite of cake, or prepare last year’s Halloween feast and just serve this one as a joke. Whichever way you choose, I hope you will be successful, my dear cooks-to-be! Yours affectionately, H. Kettle-Stove |
Horticultural
Horrors
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Readers, believe it or not, but we here at broom asked Leslie Pagana
Greenacre, broom’s own gardening expert, to give some advice on the topic of
Halloween. Unfortunately she agreed and therefore we have to bother you with
another edition of see headline. Simplex Falsatio Cucurbitae – The Easily to Fake Pumpkin Dear readers, after a long absence that has almost broken my heart, I am back here at broom to share with you the secrets of successful gardening. Listen – or rather read – here it comes: The secret of successful gardening lies in the decoration of your garden! You see, it doesn’t matter if every plant resists your green fingers or your garden just looks crab. The point is to pretend. Pretend that you have a beautiful garden in which you invest endless amounts of money and time and you’ll see your neighbours shall soon agree that you have the most profitable and beautiful garden of all – and if it is just to keep you shut up. Autumn and winter are actually the most suitable of times for pretending gardenwise. Halloween is fast approaching and by the time you read |
this
might already be over, however, the pumpkinny decoration will not be out of style
for weeks to come – or at least until the next edition of see headline. Of course, normal real pumpkins do not live much longer than the fist chilly nights. In the process of disappearing they will turn mushy, ugly and brown. Then again if you decide in favour of the easily to fake pumpkin, you will live through a number of surprises as will your neighbours. There are many ways to easily fake a pumpkin. The easiest way is to purchase a fake pumpkin in a Muggle shop. They are either made of plastic or ceramic. Should you not be sure which is which, just drop it the one that breaks isn’t the plastic one. Make sure to leave the shop keeping a low profile or they won’t let you in next time around. If you are sort of a practical witch or wizard, you might want to forge your own fake pumpkin. One way to do this is to just take orange, yellow or green balloons. Add a face – but not by carving it into the balloon – and there it is, your own fake pumpkin. Your neighbours will enviously marvel at your pretty pumpkins, but you have to make sure that no storm or jealous neighbour carries them away. If you are prepared to invest more time into the decoration for this year’s |
Halloween, you might want to try this
idea. Take an old newspaper, something useless like the Daily Profit and make a
nice, round or rather pumpkin-shaped ball. Paint this in either green, orange or
yellow and add a very scary face to it. Please do not try to put a candle in it
if you love your house and your neighbours. If you are preferring to have almost the real thing and be able to add a candle to your construction, then you must combine the two methods just mentioned. First you take a balloon of any colour or no colour at all, then you fill it with air and prevent it from losing its filling again. Then you take, let’s say the Daily Profit and tear it to pieces. You will all have done this sort of exercise before, I guess. Now you attach the Profit pieces with glue to the balloon and after some time of careful work you will get a beautiful pumpkin. Paint it either yellow, orange or green and add a scary face. If you cut it open at some pace you can even insert a small candle. Please note that neither broom nor Leslie Pagana Greenacre can be made liable for any destructions or injuries which happened as the consequence of either of these procedures. A very happy Halloween to yours and you, (LPG) |
Sudoku
Happy Halloween, Severus!