broom Breaking News
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(St Elsewhere) Happy human Halloween parties produced a major
mayhem at the Ministry of Magic. Alarmed Aurors apparated in sleepy St
Elsewhere, Sussex. Malignant Muggle mothers made their cute children dress up dreadfully as dead corpses, vile vampires or horrible hags. Even the worthy warlocks were not spared a shameful sojourn on the soppy streets. The pandemonium parade produced an alarm at the moronic Ministry of Magic. Secluded-living Squib Sophia Smythe-Sandebank saw the miniature Muggles march along the pristine pavement and got a |
severe
shock. Smythe-Sandebank
said, “I have never been so
fearfully frightened in all my lovely life!” The lavish-looking lady assumed that demented Death Eaters were purposefully parading in front of her windows to scare the squib savagely. Alerted Aurors apparated in sweet St Elsewhere to arrest apparently fierce felons, but found only frightened children. The Ministry morons appropriately apologized to the panicky parents and try to hush the idiotic incident up. Happy Halloween to all Muggles! (ALL) |
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We got this greeting from generous ghosts who hopped into our headquarters
hoping to help us to have a horrible Halloween. But being bold and brave-hearted as we here at broom are, we were far from being frightened. The translucent tyrants didn’t take this terribly but laughed along with all our lads. Halloween is a happy holiday since the spirits have the chance to return to | our restless earth. There, they might meet many mates and may have much mocking of Muggles. As this is a jolly joke we make sure to support the sadistic spirits. Don’t be too scared, these spirits promised to only play peaceful pranks and not to do horrible harm. Send the spirits a smile and give the ghosts a grin and you will have all you have to have to have a happy Halloween! |
Interview with
an Inferius
Ever since the return of Voldemort AKA Vicious V, people have been fearing
the sight of the walking corpses. Even Muggles, having watched so-called
horror films, were aware of the possibility that dead people can come to a
certain kind of life again. However, broom can exclusively prove that there is
not so great a danger in meeting with an Inferius. For the sake of the grieved
relatives we shall name our interviewee Anonymous Inferius (AI). Brian Cullen
was brave enough to face him.
BC: That’s quite an eerie feeling, meeting you, Mr. Inferius. Can you
tell me what it feels like being dead?
AI: Deadful.
BC: Don’t you mean dreadful, perhaps?
AI: No. Deadful.
BC: Ah. Interesting. So, what do you do when you’re not giving
interviews?
AI: Be dead.
BC: C’mon, that’s not something to do, that’s a state to be in.
AI: Right.
BC: So you just stay wherever it is that you, erm, live?
AI: I am dead in Yorkshire. I do not live.
BC: Yes. I forgot, although it’s rather difficult to forget, seeing the
state you’re in. (The reader may imagine the interviewee wearing faded
clothes, his skin greyish-green and broken in places, bones sticking out and
signs of worms eating through the flesh – yuck!)
AI: Thanks. BC: Oh, you took that for a compliment. Weird. Well, who
transformed you into an Inferius?
AI: A wizard.
BC: Ah no, we wouldn’t have guessed that. Who was the wizard?
AI: Someone evil.
BC: Alright, so you don’t want to give him away. Perhaps you said that
you’d give away his name only over your dead body?
AI: No. Living body.
BC: Now I get confused. First you say you’re not dead, now you say living
body…
AI: I’m dead. Not living. I’m dead in Yorkshire.
BC: Okay, okay, I got that. Do you act only on the orders of the evil
wizard who cursed you?
AI: Yes.
BC: And you’re doing this interview because he told you?
AI: Yes.
BC: Curious. Why would an evil wizard want that?
AI: To kill you!
BC: What?!
At that moment, the Inferius leapt up and began to approach Brian with his
bony claws outstretched as if wanting to strangle Brian. With a skilled
summoning of a fire, Brian drove the Inferius away – presumably he is now dead
in Yorkshire again. And if you meet Brian Cullen and notice a slightly greenish
tinge of his skin, do not worry. He’ll decay in due time. (BC)
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Have A Fearsome Feast! Harriet Kettle-Stove, renowned cooking expert and lately authoress of a best-selling cookbook, has graciously agreed to return to the source of her awesome success and give all the readers of broom tantalising, mouth-watering ideas for a real Halloween feast that you won’t ever forget. Enjoy Harriet’s recipes – but perhaps cook the meal instead of eating the magazine! My dear cooks-to-be, Halloween has finally arrived, the high season for witchcraft and wizardry. However, this year’s Halloween feast is easily prepared even for the inexperienced witch or wizard. It’s hot, tasty, and filling – perfect for a chilly October day. Plus you get the decoration for free. You shall soon see why… Why don’t we start with a nice Pumpkin Soup No other soup would be right for Halloween but this one. Carefully get the fruit out of a 500-700 g pumpkin, depending on how many guests you have. Use the pumpkin for decoration afterwards, and stew it as well as three chopped carrots in butter. Add 1 ½ litres of vegetable broth and let cook for about 15 minutes, until pumpkin and carrots are soft. Mash the mixture, add 250 g sweet cream and season with salt, pepper and curry to taste. Yummy! |
Now we have had such a delicacy for starters, we need to keep our stakes
high and continue with Pumpkin Gnocchi with Herb Pesto Italy greets you with these little pumpkin balls and their tasty sauce. You will need some time or be a really experienced cook to be fast in this, but believe me, the dish is worth any effort. You need a pumpkin of about 750 g. Be careful in extracting the fruit so that you can use the hollow pumpkin for your decoration. Put the sliced pumpkin into a sieve over a pot of boiling water and leave it there for about 15 minutes, until the fruit is soft. Boil 250 g potatoes for 40 minutes, then peel them. Now take the pumpkin and the potatoes and mash them very finely indeed. Create a dough by adding one table spoon salt and 250 g flour. Now roll the dough into small balls and let it rest for a while. To give your Italian gnocchi the perfect accompaniment, mix 100 g green peter with three buds of garlic, all chopped finely adding 80 g pine nuts. Now you’ve got a nice mixture, add 50 g grated parmesan, 100 ml olive oil and 2 chopped tomatoes. Boil the pumpkin gnocchi in hot water but be careful that they do not dissolve. Always keep your wand at the ready to save your meal! Now you have hot orange-coloured gnocchi with a green tasty pesto – lovely! These Italian miracles need a follow- |
up that is both a treat to the eyes and the taste buds: Kiwi Sorbet Obviously, this will be green – and a very vivid green at that, but this nicely refers to the colour of the herb pesto, so basically we have created an orange and green feast. Isn’t that nice? To create the chilly dessert, you need 5 kiwis, 150 g sugar, ¼ litre water, one egg-white, the juice of a lemon and ¼ litre white wine, preferably dry. Start early with this so you can freeze it nicely without any pressure. Alright, then. Boil sugar and water and let it cool down again – this should take you two waves of your wand. Mash the kiwi until you have a very fine mousse. Beat the egg-white until stiff. Add the kiwi-mousse, lemon juice, wine and sugar syrup and mix well. Then freeze until you have a cold but still smooth mixture. You will love it! I sincerely hope you enjoyed preparing my little Halloween feast – and you and your guests also enjoyed devouring it. If you did, you can go on cooking. Order my book, “Cooking and slicing with Harriet Kettle-Stove”, at your local bookseller’s. Or simply write to broom to order your very own copy of my genial recipes. Have a wonderful time in your kitchen, and celebrate Halloween peacefully. Don’t get frightened! Yours, H. Kettle-Stove. |
Horticultural
Horrors
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We here at broom know that we will make many readers very happy for we are
able to present another brilliant edition of Leslie Pagana Greenacres
magnificent Horticultural Horrors. I hope it will really be that good. Hush,
you’re still on. But I thought we did a newspaper and not a radio programme.
Yes but we’re using quick-quote quills. O, I forgot. |
not my problem. My Halloween decoration is done! For all of you who – obviously – prefer the last minute action I have no idea shock decoration I’m prepared to offer some advice. Of course, all pumpkins will be sold out by now, so you will have to do with something else. Why don’t you take a look around your house for something pumpkin-like. Okay, what did you get? A ball, very good, it’s too cold to play outside now anyway. An apple, yes, too many vitamins are bad anyone knows that. A light bulb, well, at least you can pretend to have bought different pumpkins – with the lights out. An egg, alright, you can |
throw it at anyone who laughs at your Halloween decoration. Whatever round things you have gathered paint them orange, yellow and green for those are the natural colours of pumpkins. And please don’t try to cut faces out of your fake pumpkins! Give them enough time to dry if you’re unlucky that will take until tomorrow! Once the things are dried you can either put them next to your front door or throw them into the dustbin – depending on what day it is! Since you have some time now, you can start thinking about this year’s Christmas decoration! Have a happy Halloween – no matter what your decoration looks like! (LPG) |
Sudoku
Have fun with our Halloween Sudoku. And happy Halloween, Severus!
Editors' Corner
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Dear readers, every now and then we, the editors of broom, address you,
the readers of broom, directly. We would like to use the opportunity given by
Halloween to inform you that not everything comes from North America. This is
for example the case with Halloween. Originally, Halloween was a Celtic celebration. The name is of Scottish origins: hallows evening was the day before November, 1st, All Saints Day. That was the day when the souls of the dead, evil spirits, witches and wizards and even the devil came |
to the earth. These were to be scared away by ugly faces carved into a turnip or a swede. Since there were neither turnips nor swedes, the Irish emigrates used pumpkins instead. Back home the tradition was almost forgotten when it re-entered our culture from America. Be proud of your own heritage and find the story behind cultural customs! M. Flatley |