broom Breaking News
Tiny Terrorist
Snowflakes Shower Poor Britain| Popular Britain is currently covered by a large layer of snow-white snowflakes. The Ministry morons actually assume that terrible terrorists are hidden behind this awful attack. They surely think that suicide snowflakes murderously move down to eerie earth in order to definitely destroy curious civilization and practically win world power. Many mean meteorologists carefully claim that these wild weathers are clearly caused by coming climate change. | Climate change they deliberately declare was carelessly caused by all of us. This seems surely to sadly show that this terrible time the wicked victims are the terrifying terrorists. However, happily some scientists simply say that this elaborated effect is totally due to a certain season which is regularly referred to as wonderful winter. Whatever may have caused this marvellous mayhem – make sure you perfectly possess a super shovel. Happy holiday! (MF) |
Fluorescent
Fairies Light Lovely Homely Houses
| (Hogsmeade) It is crazy Christmas-time, and mad Muggles and weird wizards alike duly decorate their many mansions. One of the most popular and proud details of decoration is lovely light, often in the form of fair fairy lights or cute candles. The ingenious inhabitants of humble Hogsmeade, however, came up with the following fairy-tale-like simple solution: They sturdily |
stupefied lovely live fairies and put them into ghoulish glasses of
fluorescent fluid. Then the frivolous fairies were put into lovely empty
hanging glasses and they glow in fluorescent finery for all of the weeks of
Christmas time. If you want to have a long look at them, visit homely
Hogsmeade houses by night! (MF) |
We
Wish You A Muggle Christmas|
(The Muggle World) For years we have been struggling to find
interviewees for our holiday editions. This year, we received a visit from three
Hogwarts students who had a brilliant idea for a fascinating Christmas
interview. “Why don’t you talk to my parents?” was the question that triggered
the following result. Brian Cullen and Mike Flatley did talk to said parents:
Hermione Granger’s Muggle parents, Dr. Kate and Dr. David Granger. MF: Thank you for letting us visit your home, Dr and Dr Granger. DG: Please, call us Kate and David. BC: Alright. You are, if I may say so, Muggles, but your daughter Hermione is a witch. KG: It wasn’t easy to deal with her as a young child. We sometimes thought it was a medical problem. BC: No, just magic. But we are actually here to talk about Christmas. We and most of our readers only know wizarding Christmas traditions, but we would |
dearly like to know about your non-magical traditions. KG: Our Christmas traditions? But this isn’t very interesting at all, I’m afraid. MF: On the contrary. You don’t know just how exotic Muggle habits seem to us. What do you do for decoration, for example? DG: Well, I usually put up some artificial wreaths with electric lights, and decorate the bush next to our front door with lights, too. BC: Electric lights, marvellous! Do you also use them on your tree? KG: Oh yes. Candles are way too dangerous. We also put up glass ornaments, and little Santa Claus figurines. BC: Do they move? DG: No, of course not. But we have a little Christmas clock which plays Jingle Bells every full hour. It’s in the attic because it always gets on our nerves. MF: Great, a Christmas clock. And what |
about food? KG: Since we are dentists, we do not have too many sweets. But on Christmas Day we serve roast beef and plum pudding. BC: That’s the same as we do. Oh, do you know crackers? DG: Sure. There’s always a little crack, then a cheap plastic toy falls out and a strip of paper with a joke. MF: What, no hats? KG: No. Hermione told us about magical crackers, though, they seem very different to our kind. BC: They are. But all in all, our Christmases are very much alike. We all try to capture the Christmas spirit, right? DG: Muggles speak of Christmas magic, you know. MF: Weird. But there is magic in the air in Christmas time. Thanks a lot for having us over. KG&DG: It was a pleasure. newbroom wishes a very merry Christmas to Muggles and magical people alike! (BC&MF) |
Cooking and Slicing|
Harriet Kettle-Stove is very happy to present us with what she most loves
to give: recipes for having a good time. We are sure you will love her recipes
as much as we did. Enjoy! Dear cooks-to-be, It is always great to think of holiday recipes to give to my faithful fans in newbroom magazine. However, doing this year after year turns the task more difficult with every year, because you want to keep being fantastic but the really fantastic recipes are already given. Still I tried to do my best. Perhaps you have time to try some of these over the holidays. 1) Something to keep you warm – potato soup with chicken You need: a chicken, water, one onion, cumin powder, thyme powder, salt, pepper, two potatoes, 100 g cream, 100 g sweet corn, two spoons of capers and one ripe avocado |
You do: Cut the chicken into four parts and boil it with the onions,
cumin and thyme. Peel and cut the potatoes, put them into the chicken broth.
Take the chicken parts out of the pot, take off skin and bones. Mash the
potatoes in the soup. Add cream, sweet corn and chicken pieces. Add salt and
pepper. Put the peeled and cut avocado into dishes, add the soup and the
capers. 2) Something to enjoy – ice-cream with fruit and vanilla cream You need: 250 g fruit drenched in rum, 100 g sugar, 4 spoons rum, 4 egg yolks, one whole egg, 1 dessert spoon of orange peel powder, 400 g whipped cream, 200 g cream, 2 spoons sugar, vanilla You do: Cut the fruit. Heat the sugar and rum in a small pan until the sugar dissolves. Beat the egg yolk, egg and orange peel powder. Add the sugar-rum syrup and beat until everything is cold. |
Add the whipped cream and
the cut fruit. Fill the mass into a cake tin lined with foil and freeze for a
day. For the vanilla cream, whip the cream with sugar and vanilla. Cut the
ice-cream into slices and serve with the vanilla cream. 3) Something to give to friends and family – honey truffles You need: 40 g sugar, 450 g white chocolate, 150 g butter, 150 g honey, 140 g dark chocolate, 70 g very dark chocolate You do: Boil sugar and water, then cool down to room temperature. Heat the white chocolate until fluid. Mix butter and honey, slowly add sugar syrup and white chocolate. Fill the mix into an icing bag and put little portions onto baking paper. Meanwhile heat the dark chocolates in a pan until fluid. Cover the truffles with the dark chocolate and let them dry. Merry Christmas, H. Kettle-Stove |
Horticultural Horrors|
(newbroom Headquarters) Six years ago
Leslie Pagana Greenacre set foot into our office for the first time. And for
six years she has been a steady companion and restless councillor on matters of
the garden and home decoration. Now she wants to leave the public life behind and return to her own garden to make all her neighbours marvel at the beauty she is creating there. We’re not sad to see her leave and we will not miss her once she’s gone. However, we won’t stop her if she wants to come back one day – we wouldn’t be able to anyway. Of course, we cannot let her go quietly. As a homage we dived deep into our archives to present her best tips and unforgettable utterances. Some of thess might sound familiar to you as they have already been featured in your favourite monthly magazine, others so far have only been known by the chosen few who were also struggling with their workload. As Leslie once said: This is as dull as it is necessary. Sing along to your favourite song and time will fly – mind you, you might have to repeat your favourite song several times.…- Now get out, take your tools and start working, (Easter broom 2010) Last but not least - In Extremo Read
on and enjoy the occasional laugh, be happy that we
had the privilege to profit from her endless
knowledge and look forward to ending all the quarrels with your neighbours as
you will stop stealing – sorry borrowing – things from their gardens. Let’s
storm our brains and see what we can use. (Christmas broom 2004) As Leslie would put it: Hello everybody out there! My name is Leslie Pagana Greenacre. I will introduce you to the wonderful horrors of horticulture. Quite obviously we will not go and plant a plant today, that would be kind of useless. No, today you will learn how to find, steal and arrange the perfect Christmas tree. (Leslie’s own introduction in the Christmas edition of broom in 2004) Always to the point: Thank you so much for this introduction and a very warm welcome to this edition of Horticultural Horrors – you will need it! Looking outside your window, you will discover two things, which are sort of an obstacle in your way to the perfect Easter decoration for your garden: A thin layer of snow and a thick layer of dead birds. (Easter broom 2006) What a beautiful specimen you are! – Thank you, I didn’t know that… - Who’s talking to you, you moron? – Weren’t you looking at me? – No, I was looking at the beautiful daffodil which is growing out of your desk. (conversation between Leslie and Brian) Maybe he would have been more successful if he had considered this piece of advice: But if you add a red ribbon to it and a card saying that the fire of your love will never stop burning and still if these were the last sticks in the | world
they could be burned right away without endangering the continuity of your
flame, you shall be hugged and kissed. One last piece of advice, if you buy
anything make sure to add a personal note assuring your loved one that
he/she/it is the only one for you or any of that standard nonsense!
(broom 20) Then again Leslie is not so easily to be won: Love is in the air? I ask Vi. It’s not love that produces this marvellous smell. Open your windows and breathe – or sneeze, for spring is in the air! (broom 32) However, sometimes love seems to be quite important: Dear gardeners, love is all we need, we are told at this time of the year, but don’t we know better?! All we need to do is to get rid of our Christmas tree. And all we need as well is a Valentine’s present for the one we love. I tell you something, why don’t we kill two birds with one stone? (broom 44) And her true love belongs to nature: February has come at last and in its pocket it carried the first signs of spring. Snowdrops, crocuses and daffodils are already stretching their heads through a thin layer of snow. The sweet scent of spring and the poetical blue ribbon is fluttering in the mild February breeze. (broom 68) Not only plants but also animals: Isn’t that a cute squirrel? – Which one? – All ten of them. (fragment of a conversation between Leslie and Mike during a very annoying plague of squirrels in our headquarters) No one explained nature to us like she did: We get pumpkins from pumpkin flowers, apples from apple flowers and potatoes from – well, that is a different story. (Halloween broom 2010) Or our very own traditions: If you say Halloween you must say pumpkin, too. (Halloween broom 2005) She filled our hearts with romantic pictures: Spring has hired its blue band and is going on a world tour – northern hemisphere. (Easter broom 2005) And destroyed them again: First of all take anything pink you have, yes every snip, very good, and throw it away. Thank you, that will save us a lot of trouble. (Easter broom 2005) Understandable: Grass is not grass. (when she tried to explain that – well, we didn’t actually understand) Every now and then, there were some downsides: The birds are wooing, the rabbits are coupling and new generations of vermin are born. (broom, 32) And then she is looking on the bright side of life again: Looking at our gardens we can decisively say: There is no snow! It’s Christmas, doesn’t St. Peter know that we need snow for Christmas?! Now, before you start slaughtering all your cushions to provide the landscape surrounding your house with a Christmassy touch read on. (Christmas broom 2006) But always safety first: |
The first thing you should do – if you haven’t done so already – is to remove
everything removable from your garden. You can never know when the next storm
decides to play hide and seek with your things.
(broom 32) Sometimes a little pull can tell the difference between dangerous and harmless, but do make sure you don’t hurt yourself. (Christmas broom 2007) Even foodwise: Please note that mushrooms can be gathered almost throughout the year and that every self-gathered mushroom might be your last. (Halloween broom 2008) However sometimes all carefulness must be cast to the winds: Why don’t you take a lit candle and have a look at your tree? Does it needle? Is the decoration still on it? Closer, closer… Yes, that might just solve this nasty problem; however, it will leave you with a new one, but really, I’m not responsible for the furniture and set-up of your home. (broom 8) Nature- and socialwise: Before you can go on, it will be inevitable to buy, steal or borrow these necessary things. When you have done so, we will talk again. until then stay a lover of gardening! (broom 32) Destroying your social life? You don’t even have one. (Leslie in answer to Brian’s claim that her tips would ruin him socially) But always practical: You are in a forest. You might face a lot of trees there. You will have to make up your mind. It would be good if you took an axe with you. (Christmas broom 2004) Down to earth: If you happen to be one of nature’s lovers you might have a tree which you can plant into the soil of your backyard. Good choice! Planting season will begin in May. Until then I hope you will not get fed up with your green friend having settled comfortably in your home drinking your water and breathing your carbon dioxide. It will grow during the next months and I dearly hope you had considered this before. Was that a squirrel? Never mind, you will get used to them, too. (broom 8) And honest: Your personal slave has carried your tree home safely, feed him a carrot and send him to bed early. Tree decoration lies totally in the responsibility of women. (Christmas broom 2004) Extremely honest: Then you take, let’s say the Daily Profit and tear it to pieces. You will all have done this sort of exercise before, I guess. (Halloween broom 2007) And brief enough: Enough is the cue. I want to wish you a very happy disposing of your advent wreath! (Christmas broom 2005) However, we do not have to despair as: Well, there will always be a next time! Yours sincerely, LPG (broom 8) Thanks for the best of times! Merry Christmas and a happy New Year! |
The
Magic Silver Bell
|
Once upon a time, there was a poor little girl who lived all alone in a hut
close to the Forbidden Forest. She had lived there all her short life and so
she was not afraid of all the creatures in the Forest. She had many friends
among the centaurs and unicorns, and she kept well away from the darker
reaches where the werewolves dwelt. She lived from what the Forest provided
her, but she was not unhappy. And she was never cold, for she was a witch and
could produce flames at will. However, there was one time in the year when she felt her poverty quite badly: Christmas. How she longed to give gifts to her friends! How she wanted to give the centaurs back all the kindnesses they paid her and the unicorns their soothing friendliness. But she could not afford to go into Hogsmeade and buy presents. She used to stand in front of the windows of Honeyduke’s, looking wistfully at the fancy decorated sweets and homemade cookies. Mr Honeyduke often took pity on her and gave her a sweet or a piece of gingerbread, or a sugar cane for free. But although she tried to save these gifts for her friends, it never worked. Mice ate up the gingerbread, |
cockroaches carried the
sweets away and what became of the sugar cane was a mystery to the little girl.
She thought an owl might have taken it. So, in the weeks preceding Christmas, the little girl tried to make gifts out of twigs from the Forest, frozen berries, and vegetables she grew in her garden. She wrought wreaths for the centaurs and wound ribbons from bits of fur for the unicorns. Yet it looked very poor, and the little girl often cried. Of course her friends were aware of her great misery. The unicorns said that they would find the nicest, warmest plaid for the girl. The centaurs said they would give her butterbeer and warm soup from the Hog’s Head for Christmas. “But that will not soothe her, my friends. She wants to give something to us. We will embarrass her with our gifts,” the wise oldest centaur boomed. Everyone agreed. “So what can we do?” a small unicorn asked. “We all like music, don’t we?” a merry young centaur asked and clapped its hooves. “Oh, yes,” they all agreed. “Then let us find her a token with which she can give music to us,” the oldest centaur resolved. So the centaurs and unicorns went and | looked everywhere for an instrument for
the little girl. Finally they found it. It was small silver bell, goblin-made,
and it tinkled very sweetly. An owl was sent to hang the bell on the girl’s
front door, as if a magpie had lost it. In the morning, the girl opened her
door to fetch water and found the bell. “Oh,” she said, “what a beautiful
bell!” She gently shook it and the bell tinkled. She laughed and shook it
again, and suddenly the bell began to play a merry little tune. “Music!” the
girl cried and laughed and clapped her hands. “Now I can give something to my
friends!” That Christmas Eve, there was a huge party in the Forbidden Forest and everybody danced and laughed and ate and drank. Every year, even when she was grown-up, the girl returned to the Forest with her silver bell, and when she was very old and very tired, she hung it high into the roof of her hut. There, the wind could make it tinkle every now and then, and she was content to listen to the beloved sound. This is the story of the magical silver bell, and if you visit Hagrid in his hut, you can hear its tinkling on Christmas Eve and see a glimmer high up in the hut’s roof. |
Crossword Puzzle
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| 2 | 3 | 4 | ||||||||||
| 5 XIII | VII | V | VIII | II | ||||||||
| 6 I | IX | |||||||||||
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| X | XI | |||||||||||
| 9 | III | 10 | ||||||||||
| 11 | XII | |||||||||||
| 12 | VI | |||||||||||
| IV | ||||||||||||
Across
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Down
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The looked for phrase:
____ ____ ____ ____ ____H Y____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____Y ____H____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ I II I III IV V VI VII VIII II IX IX X IX III IV XI VIII VII IV
____ ____D ____ H____ ____ ____Y ____ ____ ____ Y____ ____ ____, VII XII VII VII XIII XIII XII II I II VII IX ____ ____V____ ____ ____ ____!
IV II II IX VI IV
newbroom’s Christmas Carols |
As every year we have an exquisite selection of re-arranged Christmas carols
prepared with the greates of cares!1.
Voldemort
Is Back (sung to the melody of "Jingle Bells") Chorus: Voldemort, Voldemort, Voldemort is back! Killing all who dare oppose him Or whose faith does lack. Voldemort, Voldemort, everyone’s afraid. And we all shiver in fear Of the Death Eaters’ next raid. Verse 1: Sneaking through the dark With his wand held in his hand Voldemort comes killing you And your family as well. Fear and terror reign And the world is so unsafe Not even the dead will stay Safely in their grave. Oh! Chorus: Voldemort, Voldemort, Voldemort is back! … Verse 2: There is no escape Nobody gets off And the dear old Ministry Just closes its eyes. Always be alert Never lose your nerve too fast Just hope that you will be lucky And that your luck will last. Oh! Chorus: Voldemort, Voldemort, Voldemort is back. 2.
Which Magazine (sung to the melody of
“What
Child Is This?“)Which magazine do you love best/So much more than all the rest?/Which editors do you adore/And want to read more, more, more?/This, this must be your broom/Produced each month until the doom./Taste, taste is what we have/And the occasional laugh. Each month it is prepared with care/Among the stones it’s amber./Two slaves are working carefully/Are dealing with it fully./ This, this must be your broom/Produced each month until the doom./Taste, taste is what we have/And the occasional laugh. Competitors are there/And some of them are quite unfair./We, we will win the fight/For you the dearest reader./This, this must be your broom/Produced each month until the doom./Taste, taste is what we have/And the occasional laugh. The daily news we bring to you/The latest gossip, too./And Muggle curiosities/From village, towns and cities./This, this must be your broom/Produced each month until the doom./Taste, taste is what we have/And the occasional laugh. |
broom, broom the only one/The next edition has been done./broom, broom the only
one/To bring to you joy and fun./This, this must be your broom/Produced each
month until the doom./Taste, taste is what we have/And the occasional laugh. 3.
Dark Mark In The Sky (sung to the melody of "Alle Jahre Wieder") Can you see the Dark Mark Up in the sky above? It is the Dark Lord’s sign, Not a sign of love. All the stars are darkened By this dreadful skull Even sun and moon hide It’s dreadful to us all. Fear not when you see it Light is on the rise Once You-Know-Who is vanquished Life again will be nice. 4.
All The Death Eaters (sung to the melody of “Auld Lang Syne”)Should old Voldemort be forgot/And erased of each mind./Should old Voldemort be forgot/And all the death eaters. And all the death eaters/All death eaters/Forget about Lord Voldemort/All death eaters. At last he has now passed away/Beaten by dear Neville./And took some followers along/Some followers along. And all the death eaters/All death eaters/Forget about Lord Voldemort/All death eaters. Before he died there was a fight/Good and evil, wrong an right./And yet there’s so much more than black and white/Much more than black and white. And all the death eaters/All death eaters/Forget about Lord Voldemort/All death eaters. A movie which has just come out/Not only shows us this/But also a fabulous wedding/A fabulous wedding. And all the death eaters/All death eaters/Forget about Lord Voldemort/All death eaters. Now go and make some money for/The authors and producers./By now they all are millionaires/They all are millionaires. And all the death eaters/All death eaters/Forget about Lord Voldemort/All death eaters. 5.
Resistance Hymn (sung to the melody of "Oh Tannenbaum") |
Oh, Death Eaters, oh, Death
Eaters, You’d better run and hide! Because the Order’s on the move And that we’ll win We’re gonna prove. Oh, Death Eaters, oh, Death Eaters, You’d better run and hide! Resistance Rocks, Resistance Rocks, This is our motto. We never back away from fight To save us all from endless night. Resistance Rocks, Resistance Rocks, This is our motto. 6.
Baby newbroom Is
Out (sung to the melody of
“Baby It’s Cold Outside”)It’s hard to believe – Baby newbroom is out/It cam as a relieve – Baby newbroom is out/This edition has been – Do you mind if I look in/So very nice – Good that the editors are wise/The whole world will have to love it – ‘Specially the cunning wit/The whole world will be asking for more – No way to turn it to a bore/Not even a true git – It will always be a hit/Soon it might be turned into folklore – being known behind every door. The neighbours will shout – Baby newbroom is out/Oh what a big crowd – Baby newbroom is out/It won’t take too long – Till we will break into song/To get a Prize – Let’s not stick to a compromise/You absolutely must have it – I simply hate the Daily Profit/What is the new edition about – It must be great without a doubt/It’s hard to believe – Baby, newbroom is out/Baby, newbroom is out. I simply can’t wait - Baby, newbroom is out/And it is so great – Cause Baby, newbroomis out/The edition is – Ignorance needn’t be bliss/One of the best – You can forget about the rest/This might turn into addiction – Good there’s more than one edition/I don’t know how to live without one – It would only be half the fun/I wonder what is their mission – I think I have a vision/O why are all these crazy things done – broompire is such a nice pun. I have to sit down - Baby, newbroom is out/What’s new in town – Oh, Baby, newbroom is out/Oh have you seen this – I have no chance to take a look/Nice interview – You see me waiting in a queue/And another Travelling Tale – I must order it by mail/There’s no magazine that I love more – There’s no magazine that I love more/It’s hard to believe – Baby newbroom is out/Oh, Baby, newbroom is out. By the way these are, of course, meant to sung out aloud! |