broom Breaking News
Santa
Claus Says Christmas Cancelled| Countless correspondents of almost around the whole world secretly say that a certain Santa quickly quit his joyous job before the busiest period of the yearning year. Claus is quoted saying that cool Christmas is much too chaotic for a pretty old public officer. Sane Santa is said to certainly seek new employment. Santa Arthur Claus is surely already known for his strict attitude towards creativity. Careful creation of terific toys took most of the year. Quality for Claus was more important than quantity. The petty problem is, however, that there has | been an immense increase in the popular population. Every year yokes more and more Christian children. Santa Claus first was glad to be given a helpful hand by kind Christkind – no matter what he had thought about child labour before. Unfortunately, due to awful advertisement (especially from Northern America) many minors only cared strongly about Santa Claus. Arthur hopes that his absence will account for a new generation of children who will be happy to be taken care of by cautious Christkind. (MF) |
Bitter
Biscuits
| Beautiful bakers radically ruined the real recipe for cool cookies. Seemingly they seriously think that they indirectly improved the inner ingredients of Christmas cookies. Exchanging elaborated eggs with valuable water was merely meant to merrily make the popular biscuits cheerfully cheap, however, happy hysterics who privately bought these bad biscuits are deeply disappointed by the tasteless taste. Cried complaints clearly created an atomic atmosphere. The bold | bakers proudly pride themselves with certainly solving the pressing problem of choleric cholesterol. Some scientists even say sadly that they certainly solved the pressing problem of obvious obesity because these baked biscuits simply taste terrible. The once popular bakery is probably bound to quickly go bankrupt properly. Complaining customers already address another baker's boutique to gratefully get great cookies and better biscuits. Poor bakers! (BC) |
'Tis
The Season|
(Hogsmeade) Every year we face the same kind of dilemma: Who can we
interview for our Christmas holiday edition? Having exploited all the more
obvious choices, Mike Flatley did some serious thinking and came up with a
brilliant idea – or so he announced. Make up your minds for yourselves and have
fun reading Mike’s interview of Holly Balloon Dicket. MF: Here I am, in the living room of possibly the most cheerful house in Hogsmeade. There is a lot of decoration and festive cheer, and mistress of it all is my former Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, Holly Balloon Dicket. HBD: Nice to have you here, Mike. Fancy a mint humbug? MF: Oh, thanks, great! Holly, how do you and your family celebrate Christmas? HBD: Well, it’s a really exuberant |
holiday in our family. All the children are over-excited and one is usually
bawling. You never know where Em’s kneazle is, and the chaos might be
overwhelming to visitors not used to it. But it’s the best time of the year! MF: Have you ever regretted quitting teaching? HBD: With five children you don’t have the time to regret a lot. However, I sometimes do miss school. MF: Your classes were great, Mrs Dicket. Yet I am not here to talk about old times but about your given name. HBD: That’s a surprise. What about it then? MF: It’s a very seasonal name for Christmas, don’t you think? HBD: Most certainly. MF: I was wondering if you were proud to have a plant and a lot of decoration |
named after you. HBD: Mike, did you drink too much mulled wine? It’s the other way round! I was named after the plant. MF: Seriously? Oh, dear. But what about that song, you know, the one about you and your sister? HBD: Pardon? MF: “The Holly and the Ivy”. Ivy is your sister, right? HBD: I’m sorry to disappoint you but that song is far older than me, and I don’t have any siblings. MF: There’s no sister called Ivy? HBD: No. MF: This my mistake, Mrs Dicket. I'm sorry. Thank you anyway for a great interview and lots of fun. Merry Christmas! HBD: My pleasure. Merry Christmas! (MF) |
Cooking and Slicing|
Every Christmas, our dear chef Harriet Kettle-Stove shares some seasonal
recipe with us. This year, she even took the trouble to invent something
daring and new, as she informed us, which will hereafter be part of her second
book, “In the Oven with the Witch”. Enjoy it a much as we did – it’s yummy! Dear cooks-to-be, Merry Christmas! We all know that a Christmas feast is no proper feast without a nice seasonal dessert, something sweet for afters, so to speak. Traditionally, you eat Christmas pudding or mince pies, but |
why not try something new? Experiment a bit with tradition and
you will receive the most astounding and delicious results. Such an experiment
is the following recipe, and it turned out masterfully well. Gingerbread Trifle You need to get sour cherries, chocolate-coated gingerbread, cream for whipping and cinnamon, as well as cornflour for thickening the fruit juice. If you like, you can also buy some liquor like rum or port, but this is not a necessary ingredient. First, cook the sour cherries with cornflour until they have congealed a little. Add the liquor while |
heating the mix, if you like to have some alcohol in your dessert. Take the
cherries off the oven and let cool. In the meantime, chop one gingerbread for
each person and put the pieces into high glasses. On top of the gingerbread,
fill a generous helping of cherries. Now whip the cream and add cinnamon and a
little sugar to it. This cream will top the trifle – it’s really great! If you
want to, you can decorate your trifle with glace cherries, sour cherries, or
chocolate ornaments. Enjoy this trifle as much as your Christmas festivities! All the best, Harriet Kettle-Stove |
Horticultural Horrors|
Not enough time has passed to recover from
Leslie Pagana Greenacre's last visit – not enough water has run down the river,
not enough stone has turned to sand. We just ducked when she again stormed
into our office spreading needles of fir everywhere she brushed by. We decide
to go shopping to buy a vacuum cleaner. | Of course, I've spent the last couple of years advising you
on how to get the perfect tree, however, this year is the fastest and easiest
way to lay hands on a Christmas tree. And it's not just any old and ugly tree
it is the tree of your dreams. Christmas decorating starts earlier and earlier every year. This offers you plenty of time to find out which sort of tree you like. There are several sorts of Christmas trees you must know, however, with a bit of patience you will soon learn to tell the differences. There are first of all two big groups of trees: natural and artificial. Cut off a twig and you will know. Good, Christmasy smell means natural, while horrible smell of plastic means artificial. The other groups are classified according to type of decoration. There is the classic decoration: red apples and straw stars. However, there also is the postmodern type: all lights and not much else – hey who cares about wasting eccletricity in times of climate change! And you can basically have anything in between. |
Now where do you look for the perfect tree? Well, in fact it depends on how
much room you have to spare. If you only have a one-room flat, you look into
cars. If you are fortunate enough to live in a palace – or castle for that
matter – you go and take a look at the big shopping centers and churches. What
did you think where the Christmas trees in Hogwarts come from? Once you have selected your perfect Christmas tree, you go out and steal it. As I've already written about this process at great length there is no need to go into any detail now. I've got a huge tree this year. Originally it came from Washington/USA. Hey, what are you doing there – let go off me...HELP! (LPG) Unfortunately, we have to cut this article short now as Leslie seems to be – pre-occupied. We guess she would have closed her story by wishing all of you out there but especially to her friends in cell block C a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! |
Tom's
Magical Christmas
| Christmas was for ninnies. Christmas was humbug. It was all about singing for old wrinkled spinsters who in return donated woollen mittens, stocking and scarves too ugly to wear under normal circumstances. In an orphanage, there was of course nothing like normal circumstances. Nobody actually cared if the orphans had a merry Christmas. That was why Tom Riddle could not understand the excitement all around him at Hogwarts. For example all this decoration! Why would anyone rejoice for having the ugly old suits of armour sing Christmas carols while holly and mistletoe were dangling from their helmets? Bad-tempered, Tom kicked against the snow which covered the ground in the yard. “Tom?” The boy turned around and saw Professor Dumbledore. Even the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher was wearing a little sprig of holly in the button-hole of his cloak, Tom saw with disgust. “Yes, sir?” he asked politely. |
Dumbledore smiled. “I saw you are going to stay for Christmas,” he said.
Tom nodded. “I don’t want to go back to that place,” he muttered. “No, I can
well understand. Are you looking forward to Christmas?” Tom shrugged. “I guess.”
“Well, I guess, that your experiences with Christmas are rather limited. Try
to enjoy your time, no matter what,” Dumbledore advised the eleven-year-old,
smiled, and walked off. Tom snorted derisively. Enjoy himself, sure! To his great surprise, once most pupils had left, Tom did enjoy himself. He had unlimited access to the coveted chairs right in front of the fireplace in Slytherin’s common room. He could eat candy from the magically refilling plates on the common room tables. He found he even looked forward to Christmas Day, not because of any special hope but out of simple curiosity. As it turned out, he even got a few presents from his new friends. | Tom
was almost happy unwrapping them. But the grandest thing was the dinner, taken
in the Great Hall which was magnificently decorated and glittering with
thousands of fairy lights. Glittering baubles reflected the light and made
everything seem quite unreal. Tom was, much against his wish, awed. He enjoyed
the feast, too – but then, food was always great here at school. Tom found
himself wishing he could stay at Hogwarts forever. By the end of the day, Tom sat in his favourite armchair, staring into the blazing fire. Christmas, he thought, was about eating well and getting presents from people. Perhaps Christmas was not all bad and boring. Perhaps he should strive to have Christmas every day. For himself, of course – not for others. If he were able to get presents and enjoy himself every day, life would truly be good. Tom smiled and with these warm thoughts, fell asleep in front of the fireplace. |
Crossword Puzzle
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The looked for phrase:
____ ____ ____ ____ ____ X____ ____ ____, I II III III IV I V VI
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VI II VII II III VIII VI
broom’s Christmas Carols |
1. Wormtail the Lowly
Servant (sung to the melody of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer") Wormtail the lowly servant Had a shiny silver hand And if you ever saw him You would never understand How Wormtail came to be so Stupid and so reckless, too. He can’t be really scary Unless others make him to. Then one foggy and cold eve Dark lord came to say “Wormtail with your hand so bright, Won’t you be my slave tonight?” Then Wormtail felt so happy All the world was filled with glee “My lord, whatever thou saist, I will even kill for thee!” 2. Molly Got Run Over
By Inferii (sung to the melody of “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer”)Molly got run over by inferii/Walking down the lane one Christmas Eve/You can say there are no inferii/But as for me and Arthur we believe. She'd been fiddling with her broomstick/And we begged her not to go/She used her wand and with just one flick/The broomstick took her out into the snow/When Ron found her Christmas morning/At the scene of the attack/On her forehead was a warning/and incriminating Dark Marks on her back. Molly got run over by inferii/Walking down the lane one Christmas Eve/You can say there are no inferii/But as for me |
and Arthur we believe. We buried her in the nearest pitch/Arthur's taking this so well/See him in there watching Quidditch/While his life has been turned to hell/It's not Christmas without Molly/All the family's dressed in black/None of our thoughts is jolly/And we simply cannot overcome this lack. Molly got run over by inferii/Walking down the lane one Christmas Eve/You can say there are no inferii/But as for me and Arthur we believe. To the head of kitchen Tonks was made/You cannot eat her dishes/Soon we all will share Molly's fate/At least that is what everybody wishes/I've warned all my friends and neighbours/Better watch out for yourself/Never give Tonks kitchen labour/Sell all of your possessions and get an elf. 3. The Dark Lord Is All
Around (sung to the melody of “Christmas Is All Around”)I feel it in my Dark Mark/I see it in my foes/The Dark Lord is all around me/And so the horror grows. It's written in the sky/It's everywhere I look/So if you really love the Dark Lord/C'mon and let it spook. You know I love the Dark Lord/I always will/My arm's made up/The way that I feel/There's no beginning/There'll be no end/Coz the Dark Lord/You can defend. You have just tried to jinx me/And I tried to jinx you/I need the Dark Lord beside me/In everything I do. You know I love the Dark Lord/I always will/My arm's made up/The way that I feel/There's no beginning/There'll be no end/Coz the Dark Lord/You can defend. It's written in the sky/It's everywhere I look/So if you really love the Dark |
Lord/C'mon and let it spook/C'mon and let it spook/So if you really love the
Dark Lord/C'mon and let it /If you really love the Dark Lord/C'mon and let it/Now
if you really love the Dark Lord/C'mon and let it spook.4. Christmas with a
Killer Army (sung to
the melody of “Christmas In Killarney”) The door is never open/The neighbors stay at home/And the Dark Lord before he's gone/Will kill the host and gnome. The holly red, the ivy red/Just the thought of it fills your heart with dread/It's Christmas with a killer army/Worse than the movie Marnie. It's nice, you know, to kill your foe/While cuddling under the mistletoe/And Santa Claus you know, of course/Is the leader of the force. The door is never open/The neighbors stay at home/And the Dark Lord before he's gone/Will kill the host and gnome. How grand it feels to flick your wand/To push all of the others in the pond/I'm handing you no blarney/Not at all like Marnie/It's Christmas with a killer army/Worse than the movie Marnie. The holly red, the ivy red/Just the thought of it fills your heart with dread/It's Christmas with a killer army/Worse than the movie Marnie. It's nice, you know, to kill your foe/hile cuddling under the mistletoe/And Santa Claus you know, of course/Is the leader of the force. The door is never open/The neighbors stay at home/And the Dark Lord before he's gone/Will kill the host and gnome. How grand it feels to flick your wand/To push all of the others in the pond/I'm handing you no blarney/Not at all like Marnie/It's Christmas with a killer army/Worse than the movie Marnie. |