broom Breaking News
Crispy
Cookies Carelessly Crunched|
(Canterbury)
Christmas calls for crispy cookies, chocolate and Christmas pudding, of
course. Yet what hazardously happened in Canterbury went way too far. Christmas carols, children’s choirs, chocolates, Christmas trees, candy canes… This is what makes the season sweet and savoury! Cookies are a very vital part of the process of preparing for the party on December 25. Yet a Canterbury |
children’s choir
carelessly crunched crispy cookies in a church! The criminal children simply
sat down on lavish lovingly decorated sacks of sweets when they had finally
finished the seasonal songs. Thus the cookies were crunched without anybody actually eating them. What a pity! We hope your crispy cookies fail this fate! (BC&MF) |
Comic
Christmas Coming Chaotically
|
Clearly the coming Christmas crawls in chaotically.
Traditionally, the token-taking and tale-telling time tiredly tends to timidly
turn the old one into a young year. Obviously, old yoghurt and young omelettes partially play a popular part in perfect party planning. Fresh food frequently finds its wild way into the weary wok which welcomingly waits for hungry visitors. While hunger happily works on weary hopes, a full stomach is certainly fine. But busy butchers brightly bring no more meat. | Meanwhile good grocers make no market for munchy vegetables. Guessed guests graciously go with a sad stomach since a magnificent meal wasn’t made munchable. Empty inner organs usually evolve into outer unhappiness. Beautiful presents and careful gifts preferably bring good kindness. However, who has had hunger normally knows that nobody needs niceties in natural need of nutrition. Loudly laugh and let the lucky lords and ladies lavish on their lovely lunch. Comic Christmas is chaotically coming with or without warm waffles. |
Christmas
Interview 2008|
(England) As
everybody knows, the most important ingredient of a traditional Christmas
dinner is – alright, yes, Christmas pudding. You’ve got a point there.
However, there’s one thing more: the roast turkey. Mike Flatley and Brian Cullen caught hold of a particularly fine specimen just before Christmas and decided to interview the stuffed bird. Since the bird was in a worse shape than Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington (it was really headless), Brian took it on himself to answer. MF: Okay, so let’s start. Brian, are you ready? BC: I am – and Mr T is, too. MF: Mr T? You’re nuts – but then again, we’re interviewing our Christmas feast. I guess we’ve both had too much eggnog. BC: Might be. Still, let’s get this over with. Mr T’s stark naked, he needs the warm oven. MF: Cullen, you’re disgusting. Anyway, Mr T, I am ever so pleased to be able to interview you. BC aka Mr T: I’m all over my head to |
be here – only I haven’t got a head anymore.
MF: You as a turkey have got a prominent role at the Christmas dinner table. How do you feel about that? BC aka Mr T: I’m looking forward to getting at least a brown crust instead of being so naked and all goose-pimply. MF: I see. Your life before Christmas, I take it, was very comfortable. BC aka Mr T: That’s right. I spent most of my time eating and chatting up young chicks. MF: Sounds a bit like my co-editor… BC: Hey, Flatley! MF: Sorry for that. Back to Mr T: what do you like best about Christmas? BC aka Mr T: The hours in the cuddly warm oven, soaking in delicious gravy – oh, and the paper socks I get before serving. MF: And what don’t you like? BC aka Mr T: The poultry shears – at least, I think I will like them least. I once saw them used on a pretty young hen, all carved up as a Sunday lunch… Sad picture, that. |
MF: Would you
say that Christmas turkey should be banned? BC aka Mr T: Personally, I think it’s the stuffing part that’s most embarrassing – that should definitely be banned As to banning turkeys all along, I’m not sure about that. I mean, all the carps living in tubs and then being boiled and spoiled have no easy time at Christmas either. MF: Would you say vegetarians have a better time at Christmas? BC aka Mr T: No way, man! If there were no Christmas turkey or carp, then loads of turkeys or carps would never see the light of day. They wouldn’t be hatched and raised and kept with loving care. People spoil us before eating us, you see. MF: I do indeed. Let’s get you into the oven, then… Oh, and get the maroon stuffing ready. BC: Yummy, I do love Christmas turkey! Happy Christmas and enjoy your very own Christmas dinner, whether it consists of turkey or of something equally delicious and special! (BC&MF) |
Cooking and Slicing|
We are thrilled
that our very own cooking expert, Harriet Kettle-Stove, agreed to share with
us a very special recipe: Light Cranberry Christmas Pudding! It’s fabulous,
so enjoy!
Merry Christmas, dear cooks-to-be, writes Harriet Kettle-Stove, as every year people are frantically preparing their Christmas dinner with all the traditional ingredients. Most will even have a nice Christmas pudding sitting in their larder, occasionally adding a bit of brandy. And all of you who suddenly remember that they forgot to make a pudding three weeks ago and fear they will have to do without one can relax: Here’s a quick recipe for a pudding which is best when served nearly fresh from the oven! |
The bad news is
that you need quite a lot of ingredients so you might want to use a memory
charm for shopping. Here’s the list: 4 oz. glacé cherries, sliced thinly 3 oz. fresh white breadcrumbs 2 oz. candied peel, sliced thinly grated rind of one lemon 3 oz. glacé pineapple, sliced thinly 6 oz. butter 1 oz. cranberries, sliced thinly 6 oz. light soft brown sugar 2 oz. flaked almonds 3 eggs 3 oz. ground almonds 6 oz. self-raising flour |
Slice the
candied fruits, but use some to arrange them over the base of a well-buttered
2 pint pudding basin. The remaining fruit, almonds, breadcrumbs and lemon rind
must be stirred well, then you use a new bowl to cream the butter and sugar
until fluffy, beat in the eggs, fold in the flour carefully. Now fold in the
fruit mixture. Spoon carefully into the pudding basin and smooth the top.
Cover with baking paper and cover with foil, but make sure you’ve got it
pleated to allow for expansion. Steam for 2 ½ hours, topping up with water as
necessary. Remove the foil when cooked, cool in the basin for 15 minutes, then
turn out. Serve with custard or cream or brandy butter. Merry Christmas and a happy New Year! H. Kettle-Stove |
Horticultural Horrors
(Our Office) She stormed in,
pushed all our slaves aside and grabbed a piece of paper. And it was only then
that we realized that it was Leslie Pagana Greenacre. Everything was fine
until Geronimo broke his strike and started printing out her article. How
could that happen?
| there is a lot of
snow shovelling to be done. Make sure that all your delicate plants are snow
free. The next step you should take is to remove all the Santa Claus caps from your little trees. Or how would you feel when you had lice and a piece of headgear was permanently tucked to your top. Additionally, you should check that no one could get hurt by a falling branch. Get rid of any old twigs and ancient branches. Sometimes a little pull can tell the difference between dangerous and harmless, but do make sure you don’t hurt yourself. Your neighbours are important, however, so are the inhabitants of your garden. Watch carefully to find out which permanent settlers and |
seasonal visitors
you have. One winter season a Merlin took its rest in my garden! You don’t know what you might miss. You’ll usually find loads of birds, some hedgehogs and the occasional squirrel. As different as they might be, they all have one thing in common: They are hungry. Now that Christmas is quite close you might want to add a little colour. But be careful with candles. In my neighbourhood a moss star burnt down due to a candle. In the same neighbourhood an ecclectric snowman caused a minor fire. In general the rule is: Anything is allowed that won’t hurt the plants or the animals in your garden. Merry Christmas! (LPG) |
Hagrid’s
Christmas
|
broom is proud to present yet another original Christmas story, this time
about Hogwarts‘ much-loved gamekeeper and Care of Magical Creatures teacher,
Rubeus Hagrid. Enjoy! Actually, it was a Christmas like every year since little Rubeus’ dad had died and he had been thrown out of school. It was dreary. Okay, there was snow on the lawns and in the trees of the Forbidden Forest. But that snow meant that unicorns and thestrals had a hard time finding food. Rubeus did not like winter. “Rubeus? Rubeus Hagrid, where are you?” That was the voice of Adamand Pringle, the old gamekeeper Rubeus was apprenticed to. Adamand sounded none too pleased not to find his young apprentice at work. “Are you staring into the Forest again? Nothing good will come out of there, you know, there’s all sorts of strange creatures,” Adamand pointed out once he had reached the young half-giant. “There’s werewolves and unicorns and these horses Dippet insists on keeping – and there’s centaurs, too.” Hagrid nodded wistfully. He had never been allowed to talk to a centaur, having been warned that they kept well away from the school and the people living there. It was almost as if they wanted to make sure suspicions about them grew. Well, if they did, they were rather successful. “Only last week young Mr Malfoy said that a centaur had pointed an arrow straight at him as he was collecting deadly nightshade for Professor Slughorn,” Adamand warned. Hagrid nodded again, too weary of arguing his |
case. In his heart, he was convinced that no creature was initially bad unless
you made them go bad. The same applied to most people – Lucius Malfoy
excluded, of course. Adamand sighed. “Well, Rubeus, you go and have your dinner, and
tomorrow we’ll help Professor Slughorn sorting his herbs and stuff, alright?”
“Yes, sir,” Hagrid meekly replied and went off. Adamand considered himself
lucky that the apprentice was such a gentle person – even at the age of
sixteen, Hagrid was twice as tall as his master. In the evening, the snowfall thickened. There was even talk of having to cancel Quidditch because visibility would be so poor through a snowstorm. Hagrid listened to the talk in the kitchen, content with his corner and the warmth of the fireplace. Suddenly he sat bolt upright. Every elf in the kitchen was also listening, someone outside was in pain and no mistaking it. As fast as he could, Hagrid ran outside to see for himself. There was something right at the edge of the Forest, something small and helpless – and injured. “Hullo, you,” Hagrid said furtively to what was unmistakably a centaur foal. “Hi,” the teenaged centaur replied cautiously. “I’m Rubeus Hagrid. I work at the school,” he said. The centaur eyed him suspiciously. “I’m a centaur,” he said unnecessarily. “I see that alright. Can you move at all?” “Someone put a wire in here, a spiky wire,” the young centaur said. “I… tripped.” He looked rather shame-faced over his confession. “Yes, well, you ripped your skin. Let me see to it,” Rubeus offered. “Can I trust you?” | “Yes, you
can, er…” “Bane,” the centaur said after a moment. “Bane, then. Come on, I’ll
help yer up.”
Slowly, Hagrid helped the young centaur, bandaged his leg and saw him off into
the Forest again. He sighed. So much snow – it would mean hunger for many
creatures. Suddenly he had an idea… When Professor Slughorn expected to see a great heap of dried herbs to sort out for young Hagrid, he found – nothing at all. His freshly caught pixies, his Bowtruckles, his herbs – everything had gone. Slughorn was puzzled. This could not be true, could it? He called Adamand Pringle and his apprentice, seething with rage. Hagrid looked a bit red in the face, but that was nothing unusual. Slughorn asked the gamekeeper what had happened to his herbs. “I’ve no idea, professor,” Adamand assured him. Hagrid coughed nervously. “But you do, young fellow!” boomed Slughorn. Hagrid nodded. “I gave it to the poor starving creatures in the forest,” he confessed. Adamand was just about to berate his apprentice when Slughorn raised a hand. “That was a kind thought, and kind thoughts must not be punished. Yet, next Christmas, ask what you can take – and don’t take all my stores!” Every Christmas that came and went saw Hagrid carry loads of fresh green herbs and little creatures into the Forest, as a feast for every creature that might suffer from the cold winter weather. Happy Christmas to all of you who, we hope, like to share the goods you have with those who are in need! |
Sudoku
broom’s Christmas Carols |
1. Carol of the Boys (sung to the melody of “Carol of the Bells”) Sing, sing, sing, sing!/Sing Voldemort/Merrily sing./Tell all the world:/Neville is king!/Loudly proclaim/In one accord/The happy tale./Welcome the boy!/Sing Voldemort,/Loudly and clear!/Everyone hears:/Neville is here!/Herald the news/To everyone./Sing it to all,/Here in the town!/Sing Voldemort!/Death Eaters join,/Form a choir,/A bit louder./C’mon Death Eaters,/Join in the singing./Sing! Keep the story/Told by the singing./Sing, sing, sing, Voldemort!/Sing, sing, sing, Voldemort!/Loudly proclaim/In one accord/The happy tale./Welcome the boy!/Sing Voldemort,/Sing Voldemort/Merrily sing./Tell all the world:/Loudly proclaim/In one accord/The happy tale./Welcome the boy!/Sing Voldemort,/Loudly and clear!/Everyone hears:/Neville is here!/Herald the news/To everyone./Sing it to all,/Here in the town!/Sing Voldemort!/Death Eaters join,/Form a choir,/A bit louder./C’mon Death Eaters,/Join in the singing./Sing! Keep the story/Told by the singing./ Sing, sing, sing, Voldemort!/Sing, sing, sing, Voldemort!/Loudly proclaim/In one accord/The happy tale./Welcome the boy!/Sing Voldemort,/Sing Voldemort//Tell all the world:/ Neville is king! 2. The First Hooray (sung to the melody of “The First Noel”)The first “Hooray!” the Weasleys did say/When the evil Dark Lord was bound to decay./After young Neville had blown his strike/On a cold night the Dark Lord didn’t like./Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!/For the great role Neville did play!/For all to see there was a spot/Of freshly spilt red-coloured blood./And to all of our great delight/Finally ended was the big fight./Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!/For the great role Neville did play!/And by the side of this same spot/Roses are growing quite a lot./To seek world power was his intent/And he did think of it wherever he went./Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!/For the great role Neville did play!/Gathered a herd of Death Eaters/Plus some journalists like Rita/Additionally, Cornelius Fudge,/However, he didn’t really count for much!/Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!Hooray!/For the great role Neville did play!/Then up came Neville |
Longbottom/And
stepped up and really got him./Although the Dark Lord only feared/Young Harry
Potter./Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!/For the great role Neville did
play!/Neville had a long way to go/To finally kill our world’s foe/With only one
blow of his strong sword/He did get rid of the Dark Lord./Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!
Hooray!/For the great role Neville did play!3. Do You Fear What I
Fear (sung to
the melody of “Do You Hear What I Hear”)> Said Molly Weasley to her husband:/Do you fear what I fear?/Deep down in your heart tired man,/Do you fear what I fear?/No gifts, no gifts/For the holy night/To give to all the ones we love/To give to all the ones we love!/Said chief editors Brian and Mike:/Do you fear what I fear?/Checking the bills we haven’t paid,/Do you fear what I fear?/A hole, a hole,/In our budget/With a size as big as the sea,/With a size as big as the sea./Said Severus Snape to Anne Symmons:/Do you fear what I fear?/Looking at our calendar,/Do you fear what I fear?/Too late, too late,/All the shops are closed,/No chance to get a gift for Pat,/No chance to get a gift for Pat./Said Patience to her good friend Hengist:/Do you fear what I fear?/Many people will get no gifts,/Do you fear what I fear?/Brian and Mike,/Me, myself and I,/And all the friends of the Weasleys,/And all the friends of the Weasleys,/And all the friends of the Weasleys. 4. Hero Neville (sung to the melody of “O Christmas Tree”)Hero Neville! Hero Neville!/Your strong sword is so deadly./Hero Neville! Hero Neville!/He did away with evil/He was faster than a kneazle/And by doing so changed the world./Hero Neville! Hero Neville!/Put laurels on his hair curled./Hero Neville! Hero Neville!/Who was brave in times of dark?/Hero Neville! Hero Neville!/And who fought our foes? Hark!/Hero Neville! Hero Neville!/Who knew exactly what to do?/Hero Neville! Hero Neville!/Acted accordingly, too./Hero Neville! Hero Neville!/Gathering all Os at school/Hero Neville! Hero Neville!/And who is nobody’s fool?/Hero Neville! Hero Neville!/Who is the best of our boys?/Hero Neville! Hero Neville!/Bright eyes and beautiful voice!/Hero Neville! |
Hero Neville!/He’s the best of our kind./Hero Neville! Hero Neville!/With
no bad things on his mind./Hero Neville! Hero Neville!/We’ll celebrate him all
his life./Hero Neville! Hero Neville!/All his sons, daughters and wife.5. Every Tom, Dick and
Freddie (sung to the melody of “Stop the Cavalry”) Hey, Mr. Scrimgeour open your eyes/For to close them wouldn’t be wise./And Death Eaters are crouching everywhere./We all have to watch and to beware/When you hear the unforgivable curse/Then it can hardly come worse./So you’re best standing at the ready,/Every Tom, Dick or Freddie./No matter whether you’re healthy or sick,/Every Tom, Dick or Freddie./Voldemort may wait at home,/Perhaps in the shape of gnome./And so you better watch out/To call for help if in doubt./Dub-I-dub-I-dum-dum/Dub-I-dub-dum/Dub-I-dum-dum-dub-I-dum/Dub-I-dub-I-dum/Dub-I-dub-I-dum-dum/Dub-I-dub-I-dum/Dub-I-dum-dum-dub-I-dum/Dub-I-dub-I-dum/Wish Voldemort was in prison./And Minister Scrimgeour doesn’t help/In a herd he’s just a whelp./Look for yourself and do not trust/For in these times that is a must./So that you don’t end in a bomb/Every Freddie, Dick or Tom./Dub-I-dub-I-dum-dum/Dub-I-dub-dum/Dub-I-dum-dum-dub-I-dum/Dub-I-dub-I-dum/Dub-I-dub-I-dum-dum/Dub-I-dub-I-dum/Dub-I-dum-dum-dub-I-dum/Dub-I-dub-I-dum/Wish Voldemort was in prison./Neville stepped up to meet him/After some training in a gym/He swung his sword carefully/And killed Voldemort fully./Wish Voldemort was in prison. 6. C’mon Go and Get the
Snitch (sung to
the melody of “Go Tell It on the Mountain”)C’mon go and get the snitch./Over the hills and everywhere./C’mon go and get the snitch./Over hills and everywhere./When I was a seeker./I sought both day and night./I asked my team to help me./And we found the snitch bright./C’mon go and get the snitch./Over the hills and everywhere./C’mon go and get the snitch./Over hills and everywhere./Then I was a beater/Beating many a ball./The snitch I always did see/And then I hit the wall./C’mon go and get the snitch./Over the hills and everywhere./C’mon go and get the snitch./Over hills and everywhere. |