broom Breaking News

Rare Red-Nosed Reindeer Rejects Nightshift
Costumed Santa Claus calmly sees a sure case of calculated sabotage certainly coming since creepy sleigh captain calamitously called his co-operating colleagues to a severe strike. The earthly urge to rashly resist rambunctiously receiving and righteously returning gracious goods grew greatly in general.
Countless countries contagiously caught the common complaint of a couple of careless clerks coolly controlling colourful companies carefully carrying casual customers from elegant A to chaotic K. Masses of middle-aged men momentarily moan that many might misfortunately miss millions of generous gifts 		graciously given by good guys and gorgeous gals on the grassy ground that gallant goods aren’t getting going.
For some sane Santa was the sole solace since they were sure he would soon see to the safe sending of thousands of thrilling things to savagely celebrate Santa Claus Day. The recent riot of revolutionary Rudolph and the ready reluctance of his fine fellow reindeers rightly raised the queer question whether there will be any vast values willingly wasted on wonderful visitors.
Personal presents will be especially precious this peculiar period. Resistance rocks, Rudolph!

Horrible Hollies Play Hopscotch

(Godric’s Hollow) A boisterous bunch of horrible holly had a hilarious game of hopscotch in a hospitable garden.
The hoodlums slipped through a holey hedge and had some hooch man-made of honey. Horror-struck house flies fled to the homely hot house to hide from the hectoring holly. Garden gnomes gaily entered the elating party, perilously piling 		hospitable hedge-hogs and singing salamanders in a hara-kiri heap. The holly-happening only broke off when eleven elves, apoplectic with anger, appeared on the sinister scene and cruelly cut the holly for decorating the homely halls of Hogwarts. Happy Holly-days!
(ALL)

An Angelic Interview
(A Forest) In the cold, snowy winter months, a lot of fir trees are cut down to become Christmas trees. It often happens that a little angel is found on top of such a Christmas tree. Since nobody knows how the angel got onto the top, Brian Cullen went on a festive quest and found a Christmas angel: Angelo Fir-Tree.

BC: Angelo, I’m sure Christmas is a very busy time for you.
AFT: No. My colleagues have to work much harder.
BC: Where do they work?		 AFT: In the workshops of Santa Arthur Claus, of course. They’ve got to make or at least administer the distribution of the presents.
BC: Cool! And what do you do?
AFT: I wait.
BC: You wait? Nothing else?
AFT: No, nothing else. My job begins when someone chooses to put an angel on top of his tree.
BC: How do you manage to stay put for such a long time?
AFT: Well, I won’t go into detail, but it’s really rather painful.
BC: Oh my god! That’s awful!		  AFT: That’s my job, and I’ve got the whole year to recover. It isn’t that bad, really.
BC: If you say so, I’ve got to believe you. Anyway, I thank you for your time and wish you, er, a merry Christmas.
AFT: Thank you, and merry Christmas.

Well, next time Brian will make sure to find an angel who doesn’t end stuck up on a fir tree. For this year, think twice before putting an angel atop your Christmas tree! Happy holidays!
(BC)

Cooking and Slicing
Merry Christmas, dear cooks-to-be, writes Harriet Kettle-Stove.
This year it is up to you to think up a fancy dinner – surely my book Christmas at Harriet’s provides sufficient ideas for you. However, since Mr Cullen and Mr Flatley asked me so kindly to write something, I decided to give you some nice recipes for Christmas biscuits. I’m sure there’ll be none left after Christmas!
Fudge Trees
Lovely! You need 300 g flour, 2 teaspoons baking powder, 150 g butter, 100 g sugar, 1 packet vanilla sugar, 1 egg and a bit of salt to taste.
This has to be mixed until you have a nice dough, which then has to be cooled. 		When the dough has rested, roll it thinly and cut out little trees. Half of those should get some ornaments cut out. Now bake the cookies and let them cool out.
For the fudge, melt 100 g sugar and stir in 50 g butter, 1-2 table spoons mascarpone and mixed spices. Let it cool down until it’s the structure of lemon curd. Spread onto the full trees and put the ornamented ones on top.Cinnamon Cards
Roast 150 g ground almonds. Mix 150 g butter, 170 g icing sugar, 1 teaspoon of cinnamon, vanilla, salt and two egg yolks until you have a smooth cream. Slowly stir in 150 g flour and the ground almonds. Make a nice dough and cool it. When cooled, roll out thinly and cut into 		squares. Bake light brown and spread 50g fluid butter onto the hot cards. Sprinkle with sugar and cinnamon. You’ll be the centre of any card party!
 Earl Grey Snowflakes Mix Earl Grey tea, 125 g flour, 2 tablespoons ground almonds, 2-3 table spoons sugar, salt, and 75 g cold butter. Let the dough cool, afterwards roll out not too thinly. Cut into snowflakes and bake. Decorate with white icing. Delicious!
I hope you enjoy baking those little treats. Remember to taste the dough, of course, and: The first biscuit is the baker’s! Merry Christmas and a happy New Year!
H. Kettle-Stove

Horticultural Horrors

(Somewhere) Yes, we know, we know, but this time we really couldn’t help it. We didn’t ask her to provide another one of the see title above. She remembered to do it all by herself. So, we guess we’ll have to read through still one other article which is completely useless.
An Outside Christmas

My dear gardeners, it’s such a pleasure to be here again! Looking at our gardens we can decisively say: There is no snow! It’s Christmas, doesn’t St. Peter know that we need snow for Christmas?! Now, before you		start slaughtering all your cushions to provide the landscape surrounding your house with a Christmassy touch read on.
Oh, you really did. I’m very grateful for that and as a thank you I’ll share some very good tips with you. Tip no. 1 is to never leave your car unlocked. It is a very careless thing to do and might end in the loss of your car.
Tip no. 2 is to always wear clean underwear. You never know when you might need the urgent help of an emergency healer. It’s always good to be prepared and honestly it could be much more complicated than just to wear clean underwear!
Tip no. 3 is to always read my column 		and to recommend it to others. There are plenty of useful tips and I’m never short of a good piece of advice concerning your garden or other important areas of life.
Returning to my actual topic, the garden, today I would like to recommend that you get some bird-feeding rings. Unmunched they look just like any other Christmas decoration. Being munched you’ll find the prettiest birds inhabiting your garden. Munched you can just throw them into the nearest dustbin. Isn’t that comfortable?!
Merry Christmas to each and everyone.
(LPG)

What Do You Want for Christmas?

(Our Own Homes) Every year the same sort of thing happens: The weather turns cold, the wind chilly and our minds blank.
This is exactly the moment when our loved ones and our families approach us with a trick question: What do you want for Christmas?		 This year we here at broom will offer you some help on this topic. So please do forget about world peace and climate change to stop! Be egoistic, but don’t be ruthless. You won’t get a private plane or a swimming pool – usually, that is.
Sit not down and search your mind 		what you might need in the next couple of months, but lean back and remember what you could have used or needed last year. Is a picture forming in front of your inner eye?
Yes, good. So this is what you can wish for.
Merry Christmas!

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Across
2 what you eat
3 what you sing
4 what you put on Down 1
5 where you want to be
6 what you give
7 where you want to stand
8 what grows and blooms

Down
1 what you put in your office if you have enough room

The looked for phrase:

____ ____ ____ ____ Y    ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____, 
I    II   III  III        IV    V   III   VI   VII  VIII I    IX   VII
____ ____ V ____ ____ ____ ____!
VII  II      II   III   X    VII

broom’s Christmas Carols

1. God Rest Ye Merry Voldemort (sung to the melody of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen")
God rest you merry Voldemort/Let nothing you dismay/Remember Harry was born on the/31st of July/To save us all from Voldemort’s power/When some were gone astray.
Oh tidings of comfort and joy/Comfort and joy/Oh tidings of comfort and joy.
In Hogsmeade in July/This blessed boy has really won/And laid within a meadow/The corpse of Voldemort/By that ensuring that/All Death Eaters had finally gone.
Oh tidings of comfort and joy/Comfort and joy/Oh tidings of comfort and joy.
>From Shacklebolt our Minister/A blessed message came/And unto certain reporters/Who all will know by name/How the Dark Lord fell and not a/Thing of him did remain.
Oh tidings of comfort and joy/Comfort and joy/Oh tidings of comfort and joy.

2. Run, Run, Harry (sung to the melody of "Run, Run, Rudolph")
Out of all the wizards you are in the master’s mind/ Run, run, Harry, Dark Lords thinks he’s right behind.
Chorus: Run, run, Harry, we all got to make it alive/ Albus, make him hurry, tell him he’s to take it in his stride./ Run, run, Harry, flee the killers and go to hide!
1. Said Dark Lord to Death Eaters, “What have you been longing for?”/ “All I want for Christmas is Potter nailed onto your door!”/ And then away flew Harry, riding on a Shooting Star.
Chorus
2. Said Dark Lord to Death Eaters, “What would you like most to get?”/ “All I want for Christmas is Harry Potter’s bloody head!”/ And then away ran Harry, laughing like he’d just gone mad.
Chorus

3. Oh Little Snake of Voldemort (sung to the melody of "Oh Little Town Bethlehem") 		Oh little snake of Voldemort/How still we see thee lie/You faithful pet of the Dark Lord/Why did you have to die/You had a horcrux aboard/And had to say bye-bye/You were an enemy of sort/To lasting life a tie.
I wonder how you lost your head/And who pronounced you dead/With you that was quite obvious/Along died the vicious/One part of you belonged to him/Indeed how very dim/We had expected more of you/It seems that’ll have to do.
The world will change and that’s for sure/Happiness will be spread/And so all sadness will be cured./It’s good that your end you have met/In Harry Potter immature/’Though he should’ve been in bed/After hours he often lured/Outside, that’s the secret.
It’s time to say good-bye, my dear/You see us cry a tear/As snake you were a disaster./Maybe you can master/The things that sing with wings and ring./Become an angel king!/Down here on earth your time is up,/Take your wings and then flup, flup!
4. Bad Lord Voldemort (sung to the melody of “Good King Wenceslas”)
Bad Lord Voldemort looked out/ Of the windows, seething,/ If his servant had returned/ And had done his pleasing./ Brightly shone the moon that night/ Though the Lord was cruel/ When a dark shape came in sight/ Adding to wrath’s fuel./ “Hither, slave, and stand by me,/ If thou know’st, telling/ Yonder man there, who is he?/ Where and what his dwelling?”/ “Master he lives just behind/ This a-cursed house here,/ Sometimes he follows his mind/ And come here to just hear.”/ “Bring my wand and call my snake,/ Watch out for a witness/ Thou and I shall kill the man/ For his daring venture.”/ Voldemort set out that night/ Prowling like a werewolf/ Muggle didn’t start a fight/ Dropped right dead in no time.

5. Say Good-Bye Death Eaters (sung to the melody of "Driving Home for Christmas")		 Hey, say good-bye, Death Eaters,/Now the Dark Lord has finally gone./Hey, say good-bye, Death Eaters,/Out of sight for times anon./Can’t be Beef Eaters,/PhD with hon/Nor Quidditch Beaters./Now the Dark Lord has gone/Face his defeaters./You’ve lost while they have won.
A certain lack of strength/And bravery/Has made you fail at length./Lestrange, Macnair and Avery/And the rest of your pure gangs/Didn’t do a favoury.
So, just say good-bye,/Take your head and bow/No need to sigh/Nor ask why and how./Hey, say good-bye Death Eaters,/Now the Dark Lord has finally gone./Hey, say good-bye, Death Eaters.
I take a look/At the Death Eater next to me./It’s Bastian Cook/Serving tea.
Lestrange, Macnair and Avery/And the rest of your pure gangs/ Hey, say good-bye, Death Eaters,/Didn’t do a favoury./ So, just say good-bye,/Take your head and bow/No need to sigh/Nor ask why and how./Face his defeaters./You’ve lost while they have won./You’ve lost while they have won./Hey, say good-bye, Death Eaters.
6. Ronald the Red-Haired Weasley (sung to the melody of “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer”)
You know Arthur and Molly and Charlie and Ginny,/ Percy, Fred and George and William the ninny./ But do you recall the most clumsy Weasley of all?
Ronald the red-haired Weasley/ Had a very battered wand./ And if you ever saw it/ You would even say it hummed./ All of the other pupils/ Laughed at it and called Ron names/ They were afraid to let him join in any magic games./ For one day the battered wand/ Shot green sparks and growled/ Ronald with his hair so bright/ Set the castle in green light./ Then when the pupils saw it/ Thinking that it was Dark Mark/ All of them went to flee it/ Running out into the dark.
But the headmaster had his say,/ Called them all back in./ “Ronald with your battered wand,/ Don’t do magic any more!”/ So it got all smoothed over/ And the wand just broke in two./ Ronald the red-haired Weasley,/ Merry Christmas, here’s to you!

 


Disclaimer: All names, characters and places are property of J.K. Rowling and Warner bros., except of those not found in the "Harry Potter" books and movies which belong to Ulrike Friedrich and Kirsten Seelbach. No financial and/or commercial gain is intended.