broom Breaking News

Anonymous Robbers Relive Robin Hood

(Muggle World – or at least the electronic version) A mean Muggle organisation called Anonymous announced that they had hacked the ingenious internet and done a real Robin-Hood-rage.
The glorious group managed to glean great numbers of fine financial details. With this daft data, they warily went to elatedly

empty some mighty moguls’ balanced bank accounts and gladly give the meagre money to dear deserving organisations. Of course, the very victims could not well ask to get their droll donations back. So, Anonymous apparently decided that Christmas demands detailed good deeds. We smile serenely and remind you that Resistance Rocks! (BC&MF)

The Lady Is A Trampoline

(Our Muggle Neighbourhood) Whenever we here at newbroom have done something extremely wonderful like finally finishing the next elaborated edition on time, we righteously reward ourselves with a relaxing stroll through our Muggle neighbourhood.
On one of these once in a blue moon occasions we definitely discovered a quite curious and enormous Muggle device: a pretty trampoline. In fact, to simply put it like this is a downright lie for we definitely discovered some seven of these quite curious and enormous devices.
Now you might well wonder what a tosh trampoline is. Well, it helps here and there to make Muggles fly – for about a split second. Believe us a beautiful broom is by far more effective.

Now that you know what a tosh trampoline is good for, you might want to know what most Muggles are doing with it. The uncomplicated answer is as simple as it is short: nothing!
No one in his right mind would believe it but they practically plant these huge giants in their grand gardens and then don’t use them. We have never ever witnessed anyone even getting near this thing.
Being left alone like this, they dare to develop their own secret private life and begin breeding! Every time we pass by there are many more of these things.
What? Lifeless objects can’t breed? Well, honestly, prudent people – even many Muggles wouldn’t spend so much money on anything they don’t use! (All)

newbroom-e-gram
Instead of the usual list of December festivities and raucous parties at newbroom's headquarters, we decided to have a list of personal New Year's resolutions. Here goes:
Brian Cullen is going to have a quiet year without changing girlfriends more than twice a month. He is also going to receive an award for outstanding journalism in school sports.
Mike Flatley and his wife Miranda are going to become parents (well, that's not a prediction, that's pretty sure). Mike will be the most doting dad ever!
Violet Vainglory will have a raging affair with some Muggle actor called George Clooney and will thus make it into the highest echelons of Muggle celebrity. 		Harriet Kettle-Stove is going to publish thirty new books, ten of them on dieting with ingenious po(r)tions. She is also going to be sued for promoting drug abuse in her dieting books.
Leslie Pagana-Greenacre is going to have fun with hosting the new show, Ministers Got Talent, and nobody is ever going to sue her again for "organising" various decorations.
Geronimo, for once, is not going to go on strike even once.
Our former slaves, now employees, will still not be paid but work their butts off nevertheless.
Oh, and Lucius Malfoy is going to be held prisoner in his own villa for the rest of his life, forced to endure his family.
(ALL)

Horrorscope 2012

Capricorn: The last year was a goody, this one might turn out to be less friendly. Be a chum and don’t tell other people only about your hardships, will you?
Aquarius: More power to you! Unless you doubt yourself, nobody doubts your abilities. You certainly have the gift to do and say the right things, which will come in very handy.
Pisces: Thought of paying your insurance bill? You will need all insurance you’ve got this coming year, since all sorts of calamity will likely happen to you.
Aries: The coming year will be very exciting and successful for you. You will finish a dear project and get the chance to show your expertise in completely new ways.
Taurus: Why do you always have to be so headstrong? Use your brains more this year and try to avoid putting your foot in overly much.
Gemini: Sometimes, with twins, it is like they had to share their brain cells. With you, it seems as if that is true for astrological twins, i.e. Gemini, too.

 Cancer: It is often wiser to shut up, which is something you still have to learn. Watch out – your outspokenness will cause major trouble this year!
Leo: Sometimes you feel like you are stuck in routines, but you always fight through them. Nothing can faze you for long. Harmony and well-being are most prominent for you.
Virgo: A lot of new venues tempt you, so you need to focus on the path you chose. You should also remember this: Beware of being too little self-confident!
Libra: A typical Libra can do anything – and so can you. New horizons will open for you, and no troubles can deter you for long. It’s definitely going to be your year!
Scorpio: You are simply beyond redemption! Your vile character traits rule, and you will lose more chances than others will ever get.
Sagittarius: No doubt you think that things will get better, but unfortunately you will have to wait a little while until they do. Keep a stiff upper lip!

Ministers Got Talent

(broompire) After the tremendous success of newbroom’s Next Best Bad Boy Board, newbroom has got a brand-new series this year. After we had found several of the real baddies, it’s now time to search for the real goodies.
Naturally, it is not easy to tell a goody from a baddy and it’s even harder to tell a good minister from a bad minister. Some political governmental systems go for an election, however, this doesn’t seem to be an adequate way to choose the head of state which is proven by the innumerous protests against elected representatives.
On the other hand to seize the power and to live as lifelong tyrant might work out for some, while others pay with their lives. And don’t forget that the people are suffering. This is nothing that should be intended by any government.
newbroom has decided to tread new paths. Therefore, we have developed a series of suitable tests which will uncover the hidden talents of possible ministers. After an extended competition the most fitting candidate will appear.
Two former Ministers of Magic, Mr Fudge and Mr Thickness, have a greed to form the jury. They will be assisted by various guest jurors who come from different countries. There you might see some changes as already three of these have either lost their

status, died or are about to either lose their status or die or in fact both. Together they will judge the performance of the worthy candidates.
The worthy candidates come from different social and cultural areas. You will know most of them already. Let’s start with the ladies. The most wonderful among them certainly is our dear Hermione Granger. She is clever, good-looking and always knows everything.
The most horrible is, well, actually, there is a whole quorum of not exactly wonderful candidates: Rita Skeeter, Pansy Parkinson and Sibyl Trelawney. Mafelda Hopkirk, consequently, ranges among the nice ones.
Some gentlemen who managed to be selected for this competition are: Draco Malfoy and Gilderoy Lockhart. They are the blondest for sure while Arsenio Crumlum and Mike Flatley as well as Brian Cullen are among the nicest.
Still this show wouldn’t be worth much if it wasn’t presented by a competent duo. This will consist of our dear ladies Harriet Kettle-Stove and Leslie Pagan Greenacre. They will definitely add spices and herbs to the series.
Make sure not to miss our new series, read in awe and be excited who will qualify for the post of the new Minister of Magic. (All)

Minister in Hiding

(Bavaria) Sometimes the craziest things in the world happen and although we can hardly believe them, they are true. One of these occurrences will be reported in the following.
As minister of the exchequer in Bavaria you don’t earn enough to live on, consequently you are sometimes transferred to some company so that you may get some food and live in a warm room.
This or something similar happened to the last minister in Bavaria. You will well know that a government can exist without a head and most of the other ministers are not obligatory either, still, a government without a minister who takes care of the money is doomed to fail – actually, sometimes a government with such a minister is doomed to fail as well.
Be that as it may, any government has a minister of the exchequer, well, at least as long as he or she doesn’t quit in

favour of a better paid job. If this happens, the government has to find a stand-in minister or replacement.
Naturally, not any Tom, Dick or Harry can take the post of this minister, certain qualities are an absolute necessity. Unfortunately, there qualities are so important that they are kept a secret and they are so well hidden in the candidates themselves that nobody really knows what they are.
However, these qualities aren’t the only things that are well hidden. Once the minister in Bavaria had left for good the government had a hard time finding a successor. There obviously were so many possible candidates that they simply couldn’t decide. As out of nowhere the solution popped up in the shape of the minister responsible for the environment and health. Lucky government with invisible ministers!
As there is no money left, maybe we could do without such a minister from now on? (MF)

Amazing Hostesses Reveal broompire show’s secrets!

newbroom is proud to be the official magazine covering the new and exciting broompire show “Ministers Got Talent”. Since we have been behind the resignation of several politicians all over the magical and Muggle world, it is only good to show our readers that even ministers do have at least some talent.
However, any good show needs a good host. Being part of broompire, we went one better ad got ourselves two marvellously famous and stunningly witty hostesses. You, dear readers, of course know them: Leslie Pagana-Greenacre, gardening expert with a penchant for slightly illegal actions, and Harriet Kettle-Stove, celebrity cook and author of various books. Naturally Brian Cullen and Mike Flatley went to interview them before the first show started.
nB: Leslie and Harriet, it is great that you found time to talk to us today. Are you nervous because of the show?
LPG: Not at all. Anyone can host a show like that. Of course, people who

know how to organise are better off than others.
HKS: I do agree, resourceful people are much better at those things than dull people.
nB: You are certainly two of the most resourceful people we know. What made you accept the job as hostesses?
HKS: I for one saw a tremendous opportunity to combine my inner need for political participation with a venue for broadcasting my cooking wisdom.
LPG: Oh, absolutely – plus I can decorate the stage and the green room. I expect a lot of people to call and ask for my services as a gardening expert.
nB: You mention the decoration, Leslie. Now, our magical readers will wonder why you do, since so far, shows have been aired on the wizarding wireless network as audible-only shows. Ministers Got Talent will be the first show to be seen as well as heard.
LPG: Yes, so I can show off my gardening skills.
nB: Sure. Are you nervous about being 		actually seen?
HKS: Well, to be honest, no. What I am much more nervous about are the guest judges, the Muggles, coming in. There will be an awful lot of obliviating going on after the shows, I expect.
nB: Harriet is referring to the fact that broompire managed to get Muggle guest judges from the venues of high politics to give their expert judgement on our magical candidates’ performances. Since we only hired politicians, chances are that they are already acquainted with their respective countries’ magical administration. Since the candidates are wizards, though, your job should not be too difficult.
LPG: Not necessarily. There are amazingly stupid wizards.
HKS: And witches, too, of course. But I expect we will have a lot of fun precisely because people can be such morons.
nB: We assure you we are looking forward to your show. Good luck, Leslie and Harriet! (BC&MF)

Sudoku

 

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Another tricky one, Severus!

Disclaimer: All names, characters and places are property of J.K. Rowling and Warner bros., except of those not found in the "Harry Potter" books and movies which belong to Ulrike Friedrich and Kirsten Seelbach. No financial and/or commercial gain is intended.