broom Breaking News
| The Ministry of Magic and the Daily Prophet agreed on hushing up horrid Harry Potter’s news on vanished Voldemort. Furthermore, broom has been laughingly labelled as complete nonsense. Obliging audience, do not believe this. Instead of hurrying into hiding and carefully closingour eyes, we | try to swiftly supply you with any news available to us. Thus, broom has to go into harassed hiding – we are not wanted any longer as reliable reporters. Headquarters for hiding can be contacted via Hogsmeade. |
| (Hogwarts/London) Violet Vainglory, greatest gossip of our times, found hideous hints of lavish love between mad Minister and irritating Inquisitor. Why, we asked ourselves, is there such an upsurge of affection between the Ministry and its minion at Hogwarts? After all, the amount of authority lately given to deranged Dolores, terror-inspiring torture-mistress and evil inquisitor, has increased almost daily. So we sent Violet on one of her mental missions. | Evidence suggests that Cornelius O. Fudge and Dolores J. Umbridge do not only share the devastating disdain of Dumbledore but also some abominable affection of heart (if they have such an organ, that is).
As happy as broom usually is to announce news of the love-kind, we can only shiveringly shrink back from this cruel couple and hope that Violet, for once, is wrong. |
| (Hogwarts) In a sensational stroke, Headmaster Dumbledore replaced poor Professor Trelawney, recently savagely sacked by unbearable Umbridge, by celebrated Centaur Firenze. After frustratingly firing Sybil Trelawney under the acceptable accusation of being a fraud, Umbridge was ominously overruled by dashing Dumbledore, who evidently executed his real right to | actively appoint any professor needed at homely Hogwarts. His charming choice of Centaur Firenze must be seen as one of the more brilliant battle-moves Dumbledore has ever made.
Friendly Firenze, as we were informed, is a good teacher with an unusual approach to teaching. Sybil’s students still regret her leaving, and so do we – but yet, welcome, Professor Firenze! |
Divination on Hooves
| (Hogwarts) Brian Cullen made his way into the halls of his youth and never-obtained scientific glory (i.e. Hogwarts) to talk to Headmaster Dumbledore’s latest enrichment of staff, the centaur Firenze.
BC: First of all, Firenze, I want to thank you for agreeing on being interviewed. F: It is a favour to a friend. BC: Ah yes. I see. However, I am sure… F: You can never be sure of anything. BC: Of course not. Your classroom is very uncommon. You don’t find smooth moss, tree trunks and above all of that a clear sky in every room in this castle. F: It is the environment that suits Divination best. BC: When I was still at school, Divination was done in a room filled with fragrant smoke. F: Yes. This is used to fog your senses and eventually reveal fragments of drugged dreams. BC: Oh. And you…? |
F: I also use fires and herbs, but very rarely. They only enhance the ability to listen closely to my words.
BC: This is a method some other teachers could apply as well. What made you leave the forest, anyway? F: Albus Dumbledore. BC: Aha. I have been told that the centaurs were not too happy about your leaving. F: This is true. I am banned. BC: I’m sorry to hear that, honestly. So, what can you tell our readers about the future? F: Nothing is certain. BC: We are aware of that, I think. However, with the knowledge of some dark forces at work we would like some, well, guide to see what can be done. F: Be brave and stand up for your choices. BC: Or, as we phrase it, resistance rocks. Yes. What makes you believe we will need that? F: Your motto fits well indeed, Mr Cullen. |
The sign that is telling centaurs of impending doom is the brightness of Mars.
BC: Mars? The Roman god of war, that is… F: Exactly. There is a good chance that another war is coming. However, this might also apply to the Muggle world. BC: Firenze, what is your personal opinion about the Dark Lord’s supposed reappearance? F: I am sure he returned. I have seen him in the forest once. BC: Your evidence confirms Harry Potter’s words. We thank you for the interview, Firenze, and hope that your assistance to the students will be seen as such. F: You are welcome, Mr Cullen. Brian Cullen left Hogwarts with the confirmation that evil times are ahead. Although used to such divination by Sybil Trelawney, Firenze’s authority is to be trusted much more than Trelawney’s sensation-rich words. Beware, dear readers, and remember broom’s motto: Resistance rocks! |
broom's Best Bad Boy Board
Ramon Vargas, as drawn by our faithful portrait artist
So here we are, back again to the fabulous fable about raucous Ramon. Today we want to give you a bit of insight into the Vargas family-history. That will help you understand Ramon – if you want to, that is.We already mentioned his father, Richard. Although his birth-name was Ricardo, for the record, we will keep up his English-style first name. During the years of Voldemort’s reign (1968-1981) he built up a family empire. He and his father, called Julio, specialized in torture methods and, as one of our reliable sources tells us, the less subtle crimes. Let’s assume they killed people openly, the Pettigrew-style (blowing up streets). | They were really successful, and when they started to work together with the Italian poison-makers Lorenzo and Antonio Mattei, Voldemort was delighted. The Matteis were family, by the way. Richard’s mother, Antonia, was a born Mattei. So Ramon’s grandma was a scion of this family of poison-brewers. Well, nobody saw a bit of the Mattei-talent in the potions lessons at Hogwarts. Their work made them suspicious to some people working against Voldemort, one of them Auror Alastor Moody. So one night, in 1980, when Lorenzo Mattei and Julio Vargas met, Moody and some other Aurors came upon them. That night, it was Halloween, quite appropriately, Ramon Vargas’ grandfather was killed by Moody. It was no great loss, but perhaps, for his grandson, it was. After that night, the Vargas family lay low and increased their riches. Rumours have it their wealth is only second to the wealth of the Symmons family. Not even L.M. who kindly sues us yet again is as rich. However, we may draw the conclusion that Richard taught his son the fine art of torture. Beware if you meet raucous Ramon. In the next edition you will learn about Ramon at school. |
Rumour Rake-Off
| Reading about Harry Potter and his friends you might have wondered what has been before. You have already learned about Hogwarts at a time before Harry Potter; however, today we want to take you way back into the sixties or fifties. We don’t know exactly. As we already hinted at, today’s topic will be Sirius Black.
How could it happen that someone belonging to a dark family turned out to be good? Please note that if you are Professor Snape by any chance you might not consider this statement to be true. But anyone else might do so. Sirius Black a member of one of the darkest |
families with members who usually are black to the bone, has turned out to be one of the goodies.
The first possible explanation for that is, of course, that he was adopted by that family. We here at broom did not hesitate but went to Somerset-House pretended to be Black – yes, just one of us – and asked if they had any file on us, me, Black, oh, whatever. Apart from being almost arrested and sent to Azkaban there was nothing in the file encouraging our theory. The second possibility is that Mrs. Black found a good-natured and kind man to father her child. |
Now, if you happen to know Mrs. Black you can delete this option immediately. We tried to get a statement by her: Get lost you filthy mudblood friends. We took this as a definite ‘no’.
The third option is that he was mixed up after birth with another baby. We think that this really maybe the point so if you happen to know someone dark of an otherwise light family or if you happen to be that person do not hesitate to contact us! As soon as we can make up new facts we will let you know via broom, of course. (BC&MF) |
Hit By A Bludger
| (Down Under) The Quidditch Cup of the United Leagues of Australia and New Zealand was hard fought for this year. The last two teams battling for the cup (formed like a wombat – very cute) showed the Antipodeans’ skill for speed. Referee Peter Jackson had a hard job spotting all the players at once. We cannot blame him for not having seen several fouls committed by both teams. For New Zealand, Moutohora Macaws flew along with their distracting phoenix mascot Sparky through the pitch. Although ref Jackson repeatedly tried to send Sparky off, the phoenix returned as is the habit of those birds. Their opponents, the Woollongong Warriors, ignored Sparky as best as they could and instead thrilled the spectators with their showmanship. They performed every famous move possible: Plumpton Pass, Bludger Backbeat, Reverse Pass – you name it. |
The match was exciting from beginning to end – and it took the best part of a whole day. When Warriors Seeker Urban nearly caught the Snitch, Macaws mascot Sparky flew in between Snitch and Seeker, which caused ref Jackson to order the bird bound to its cage. Macaws Seeker Wenham was next to have a go at the golden Snitch, however, he did not make it either.
Meanwhile, Warriors Chaser Weaving showed that his election for Chaser of the Year was not for nothing. He scored 22 times, with Macaws Keeper Otto at a loss of what to do. Still, the Macaws Chasers were also constantly threatening Warriors’ goal. In the end, the cup went to New Zealand for the third time in a row. Moutohora Macaws beat Woollongong Warriors 250 to 220. Congrats to New Zealand! (F. & G. Weasley) |