broom Breaking News
| (Muggle
World) Amazing autumn miraculously makes lovely leaves fall freely
off their tiny twigs. This in return irritates many Muggles mightily. The miffed Muggles manage to ferociously fight back the leaves littering their lawns. Where wizards wave wands and are done with it, Muggles must find fancier ways to get rid of the seasonal sensation. Therefore, they ingeniously invented loud leaf |
vacuums,
which work the same way as the vacuum cleaners kept to clean carpets. The drawback is, however, the noise the mighty machines make. Leaf vacuums are lusciously loud! So, when you are in a mere Muggle neighbourhood, what you hear and see is not an odd way to celebrate Halloween, it is just cleaning the pavement and lawn from loitering leaves. (ALL) |
| Some scientific research seems to simply show that the wonderful way in which some someone really writes has an immense influence on the premier perception of his or her tested text. An exceeding student will generally get a minor mark if the little letters are not legible. On the other hand, a stupid student will usually score a major mark if the readily written words are relatively rapid to be read. | Therefore, anyone should instinctively improve his or her sensitive script and get better grades. Unfortunately, there is no particular proof that writing reporters are actually awarded any special sophistication or rare reliability if their personal prints are of a particular shape. So we will surely stick to our favourite form and not change the current outer appearance of this monthly magazine. (MF) |
newbroom-e-gram
| October 1 October, as every employee of newbroom
knows, is one of the months when work really piles up. That is not because
so much happens in general, but because there's a regular and a holiday
edition to be written. October 3 A staff meeting revealed that nobody had any ideas for Hallowe'en newbroom, which spelled "disaster" in capital letters: DISASTER! October 7 Still no ideas, so we decided to interview some experts on spooky things - and went up to the castle to meet with Nearly Headless Nick and the Fat Friar. Things went pretty wrong, though, so we ended up interviewing Peeves. Not the nicest experience! October 14 Now that we have an interview for November, we still have to find things for both editions. It does not help that all |
of a sudden members
of the Order of the Phoenix drop in to tell us that the Death Eaters are on
a crusade against newbroom. Lucius, why don't you attack the Quibbler, for a
change? October 21 Yippieh, Hallowe'en newbroom is done. October 23 Having a look at Muggle newspapers makes us wonder if it isn't time for a new call for a revolution. There are several ministers we would like to see off. First on the list is the Italian prime minister who seems a first-class jerk. Second is the German chancellorette who seems to be rather clueless. October 30 So both editions are done, and we can have a party tomorrow. However, if any kids come to play trick-or-treat, they can be sure to get some ink poured over them. Geronimo is incensed by the fact that he had to print two sets of editions. |
Welcome Back!
|
(Our Headquarters) The
last months have seen our dearest employee far away in that great unknown
land called the United States. Now the kind autumn winds have taken her
back to where she belongs. |
However, your culture is not the
only thing you have to forget about for six long months. No, another thing
comes up which is simply unknown in the US, namely curd cheese. How can
anyone live without curd cheese? Still our wonderful employee managed to stand tall. She did not give in and she did not give up. There were some days on which we expected her back for the mere fact that a decent life is not possible in that country. We know well now that she has more courage than any other of us. Nevertheless, now her stay has come to an end and she has finally returned home. We are so happy about that, that we can hardly express our glee. Therefore we will use the unforgettable words of John Sebastian: “Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back!” No one could have put it better! (All) |
newbroom's Next Best Bad Boy Board
|
There they were, our eminent editors and
their rather forlorn band of followers, without anything in the world.
Their headquarters destroyed, their freedom gone. And worst of all, they
were undesirables now, as declared so by new Death Eater Minister for
Magic Pius Thicknesse. |
owned the house, for Ogden often disclaimed having
anything to do with it. Hengist, also a resident as a Muggle-born wizard,
knew more but refused to talk. Brian thought that had to be the first
occasion when Hengist actually kept his mouth shut. At Safehaven, broom was re-established as newbroom. Several inmates of the refuge helped publishing the new editions, and Death Eaters were furious to get to know that people still got underground information. Yet however hard they tried, they could not find the source. Mike was sure somebody high-ranking in the dark forces was protecting them. Brian thought he had a good idea who it was, but did not dare voice it. If there was one good thing about the dark months under Voldemort’s reign of terror it was that people married far more easily than before. It seemed as if everyone wanted to make sure they were connected to their loved ones. It did not come as a surprise when Mike and Miranda married that winter, with Brian as best man and Luna Lovegood as bridesmaid. Luna, it seemed, also knew who owned Safehaven but would not speak. It was a great mystery. If Brian and Mike solved the mystery, and what happened after the Battle of Hogwarts, will be revealed in the last edition of new broom for 2011. |
Peeves the Poltergeist
|
(Hogwarts Castle) Trying to
find interviewees is always a challenge, since people are sometimes afraid
to answer our questions. Some fear we might ridicule them (as if we did
things like that, ever!), some fear retaliation by Death Eaters. But
sometimes we find somebody quite eager to talk to us, as in this case:
Peeves, the poltergeist, positively yearned to be interviewed. |
threatened the first years. newbroom: You think that is funny? P: Oh yes! I thrive on strife and mischief! I love it when people get hurt, and when they fight, and when they die! newbroom: That's disgusting, Peeves! P: It's honest. I don't go for sugar-coating anything. I say what I mean and I do what I want, and when it so happens that by doing what I want I can really piss off Filch, I'm happy. newbroom: Filch wages a constant war against you. Do you think there is a way he can get rid of you? P: That squib? No way can he get me out of the castle. He hasn't tried to get rid of the other ghosts, has he? newbroom: No, but they don't attack people or play tricks on them. P: Pah! They are boring, dead people. I don't like them much. They always want me to be a good poltergeist, but |
who has ever heard of a good poltergeist? It's my fate to
cause havoc, and I relish it! newbroom: Havoc, right. By the way, could you go someplace else should you be banned from Hogwarts? P: No. I'm bound to stay here. Ghosts and poltergeists can only go to certain places, like the place they died, the place they lived at, or where family members live. newbroom: So you could go and haunt your relatives? P: No. They banned me from their homes. newbroom: That's... er... bad for you, we guess. P: I like it at Hogwarts. I like terrorizing kids. It's fun. So do you want to hear my funny stories? At this point we left very quickly. Peeves really is an unpleasant character, isn't he? So, dear pupils, watch out and try to avoid Peeves! (All) |
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Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow, Severus!