broom Breaking News
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(The World) When wonderful winter slowly changed to shy spring, rash rain rigorously ran along the eerie earth. Deep ponds were publicly poured in, rioting rivers ravishly rose and fine females got very wet feet.. as the tiny temperatures critically grew above the low zero level, the thick snow cover could mercilessly melt and much more wet water made the sweet streams swell superbly. Wild water is terribly dumb or rather uniquely ignorant and consequently quite coolly conquered the cold countryside. |
Some scientists simply say that this wild weather was completely caused by the eager death eaters, however, other researchers recall tender times primarily previous to vicious Voldemort when fertile floods finally found their welcome way to the lonely lands. Righteous researchers are certainly sure that the Dark Lord is not completely capable of credibly causing changed climatic conditions. Better get a brilliant bucket and start throwing out the clear consequences of this wet weather. (BC) |
Ministerial ‘M’ made Magnificent Mark for Magic is Might
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The ministerial ‘M’, mostly made publicly popular by the practical parchment politely proving your pure pedigree, was somewhat stolen and ridiculously reinvented by the mean Ministry morons. While the wild letter was lazily leading to a dominating decrease of cruel court-martials against some Muggle members of the giant corpse of the chaotic government, it was dreadfully discovered by the intelligent death eaters and primitively brought to a “better” use. Now they simply say ‘magic is might’! Maybe the members of the eager death eater |
morons are not too intellectual and were not quite capable of clearly keeping the initial idea in their mean minds: this marvellous ‘M’ merely means ‘Ministry of Magic’. The slim shadow might surely suggest more meanings, however, this original oeuvre was merely meant to normally name the Ministry, though, some silly non-supporters too willingly went for the partly less polite pronunciation of ‘M’ as ‘morons’. Whatever, it originally oracled, the ‘M’ should not be modestly misused as extrovert impression of a particular power. |
Where Have All the White Doves Gone
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(The Muggle World) Yet again we will
take a curious look at and behind the world Muggles live in. Our topic today
is at least loosely connected to magic: Muggle magicians. Ever so often we
have discovered that Muggles do have a queer understanding of magic. Apart
from Magic Mushrooms you have Magic Cloth and even Magic Tape. This list
could go on forever. All of these items, however, have in common that they
not only share the title ‘magic’ but also are completely non-magical.
Today’s topic at least looks like magic – even to non-Muggles: Magicians.
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wire. Another part of his or her
routine is to guess a playing card which was chosen by a person sitting in
the audience who works with the magician. The highlight of a normal show is
the production of a white dove out of either a burning pan or a top hat –
not burning. And this example takes us to a major problem: Where do all the white doves go? This also illustrates how useless this sort of magic is. Thee are some thousand magicians in this world who make white doves appear out of whatever they’ve got at hand. If we assume that they only produce one white dove per day – something which is highly unlikely as they will have to practice – that would make some thousand white doves per day – 365 days per year. Now, there might be enough space for the quite doves in a circus and the wild cats will certainly eat some of the white doves, however, one day they as well will be fed up (literally) with white doves. What happens then? We here at newbroom assume that this is when the real witches and wizards step in. only a chosen few know that there is a special Ministry department dealing with these Muggle created problems. They send out a specially trained squad who finds the white doves and turn them into something useful – like cushions. Thank goodness there are also real magicians! (All) |
newbroom-e-gram
| January 1 A new year, and we are full of good intentions
- for example, getting newbroom ready on time every time. January 20 Where's the time gone? There was Snape's surprise birthday party on the 9th (he didn't turn up, no wonder, since he wasn't actually invited). Then we went skiing but failed to stop ourselves falling over, so gave up. Geronimo had a cold, sneezing ink all over the office. We should write something, but |
how can we when we have a sick printer? January 30 We still should write something. But Geronimo is so feeble and feeverish, we can't allow him to print anything. newbroom, alas, will be late. February 1 The road to hell is paved with good intentions. February 7 Okay, here it is. Don't ask, Geronimo's well, we just hadn't written anything yet. |
“Any
Problem is Welcome!”
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(newbroom Headquarters)
As our team is one member short at the moment, we were quite happy to see a
new applicant walk into our office. Her first action was to tell our slaves,
sorry employees, to ask for something like a pay. This brought our latest
edition to near collapse. It’s only natural that we stunned her, bound her
to a chair and let her operate one of our quick-quote-quills. We also forced
her to answer a couple of questions. We are, of course, talking about Agony
Auntie Agatha. |
proud indeed to bring a rather exquisite and
exclusive interview to our dearest out there. How do you feel about it
Auntie Agatha? AAA: Captivated. newbroom: Yes, we here at newbroom can sometimes be quite captivating. Apart from your fascination of us, what made you contact newbroom? AAA: People need help! newbroom: Yes, some more then others, though. AAA: Very funny. Your employees, for example, definitely… newbroom: Well, let’s forget about our slaves… AAA: …employees… newbroom: …employees for a moment. You have already done a lot of successful helping. AAA: Yes, I helped some kids at school with the homework. And I usually know the right spell for the any occasion. newbroom: However, this only works when you have a wand. As we |
understand it, you’re also quite active in
the liberation of house elves. AAA: Yes, it is a shame how they are treated. Interestingly enough they don’t get ay pay, just like your employees. newbroom: That’s not quite true. House elves get food and a place to live. We would never offer that much to our employees! Are you also willing to deal with smaller problems? AAA: Any problem is welcome! newbroom: Thank you. AAA: Will you untie me now? newbroom: We have to finish the article first. The quick-quote-quill also put down the beginning of our conversation. We have to make sure that our employees edit the interview properly and that the erase that part. Make sure to read how Agony Auntie Agatha dealt with the first problems and then send in your own. Agony Aunt Agatha is desperately waiting for your owls and will stay put until she has solved all of your troubles. (BC & MF) |
Travelling Tales 2010
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Of Veelas and Saints |
Veelas
are. Yet there were no Veelas dancing between the grapes. Nor did they
appear when our audioguide told us to look out for them on the sloping river
banks. When the guide mentioned Veelas built by wealthy merchants, we began
to sense something amiss... Perhaps the wicked Veelas were just villas... A steamboat, like in the olden days. photo:KS |
After the boating trip we went into the gallery "Old Masters", where
thousands of precious paintings are hung on colourfull walls. So amyn saints,
so many fat ugly people, and not only standing in front of the paintings!
There is a portrait of a young girl serving chocolate, very famous, and the
even more famous Sistine Madonna. St. Sebastian appears in loads of variants,
as do Christ and John Baptist. Of course the Saxonian royal family is also a
favourite subject - small wonder since the commissioned a lot of works of
art. You see, we did it all: hunt Veelas and find saints, all in one day. (BC&MF) |
newbroom's Next Best Bad Boy Board
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Even though Mike Flatley and Brian Cullen
are the most magnificent editors ever at the moment, at the age of eleven
they were not quite as self-assured. They, like every new Hogwarts student,
were very much afraid of their first day at school. |
Fergus chuckled. "My boy's starting today," he
added. "So is mine," Sean replied, and the former schoolmates grinned at
each other. "They'll get on like a house on fire - much like we did," Sean
predicted gleefully. Even though he had not a bit of talent in divination,
this prophecy was about to become true. Needless to say, Brian and Mike did not have to pass any practical magical exam but only had to endure the sorting procedure. Both ended up in Gryffindor, and upon discovering they both had a liking for tricks that matched their talent for mischief, became friends almost from the word go. All the other first years were soon aware that they were quite the double-act - especially when they united in teasing and downright bullying tiny Muggle-born Hengist Alret. Brian often said Hengist would be mistaken for a snitch if he dressed in yellow. Yet, since neither Brian nor Mike were very bad at heart, they did not always only bully Hengist. At times they took it upon them to introduce their fellow Gryffindor to the magical world - if not always with good intentions. The worst intention in our bad boys' first two years at school, though, was killing their evil potions master Severus Snape. Obviously they did not manage that. Whether either Mike or Brian had the knack of chatting up girls even at the tender age of 11, remains a mystery. Rumours have it that sometime then Brian's heart was broken so badly and cruelly that he was forever unable to keep up a relationship for longer than two weeks. Perhaps we will discover some more dark secrets soon! Read on in the next edition of newbroom! |
Agony
Auntie Agatha
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Dear Agony Auntie Agatha, |
Dear Agony Auntie Agatha, |
Crossword Puzzle
| 1 | 2 | |||||||||||||
| 3 | VI | 4 | ||||||||||||
| 5 | 6 | IV | 7 | 8 | ||||||||||
| 9 | VIII | VII | ||||||||||||
| 10 | V | 11 | XI | |||||||||||
| 12 | III | |||||||||||||
| 13 I | ||||||||||||||
| 14 | XII | X | ||||||||||||
| 15 | ||||||||||||||
| 16 | ||||||||||||||
| IX | ||||||||||||||
| 17 | II | |||||||||||||
Across |
Down
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The looked for phrase:
____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____,
I II III IV V VI VII VIII II IX X XI IX II
____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____!
XII II VI II V IV XII