broom Breaking News

Vicious Vargas Was Victorious in broom’s Best Bad Boy’s Board

We here at broom have the duty to announce the winner of this year’s broom’s Best Bad Boy’s Board. The decision was a tight one but we finally made up our mind.

Ramon Vargas has won with nine votes cast on him. Who would have believed that there are nine people out there who don’t know him!
Ramon Vargas has been one of the leading bad characters in Hogwarts since its history began being chronicled in the breathtaking Alret-Symmons-Wood-Chronicles. As it seems he can claim greater fame than Severus Snape and even Voldemort who have been shaped by another author who wishes to remain unnamed after her defeat.
It is also noticeable that his two comrades, Roland Banks and Sebastian Cook were not able to score nearly as high as their leader. Together with Grindelwald, the young man with a house elf and Voldemort they were only able to cast three votes each.
How much more glorious was the result of broom’s own best bad boys, Brian and Mike, who were able to get four votes, which can – without a doubt – be doubled, for they are, after all, two. The one coming closest to the winner was professor Severus Snape who by mere use of magic was able to attract five votes.
At this point we here at broom would like to thank all our voters, next time, please make sure to vote for the right people! Our congratulations, of course, go to Ramon Vargas. (No One)

Brian and Mike Leave the Polls With a Respectable Result

Brian and Mike two of the best people here at broom were able to cast glorious four votes on their own persons! With this result they left way behind all time favourites like Grindelwald, Banks, Cook, the young man with a house elf and – believe it or not – Voldemort!
Brian and Mike and in fact all people here at broom want to thank their faithful voters for giving such an incredible sign of trust and – if we may say so – devotion. Brian and Mike are
honoured to have such an extraordinary readership who has such good tastes!

However, we here at broom like to exclude some people of this, namely all 29 people who didn’t vote in favour of us – er, Brian and Mike, that is. Our thanks go to the other four whom we hope to be able to delight in the future just as well as we did in the past.                                                                      (ALL)

Institute Issues Information: Polls Perfect

(Wizarding World) The Institute for the Regulation and Supervision of Elections, Noviomagus, announced that broom’s Best Bad Boy Poll was legally correct and results cannot be doubted.
Noviomagus declared that, while heavy protests claim the victory for B. Cullen and M. Flatley, R. Vargas has been undoubtedly voted for. The common will of the people/ readers has decided Vargas is the Best Bad Boy the Wizarding World can present at present.
Noviomagus spokesman Gene Lasker says, “We can hardly believe Mr Vargas succeeded even over Lord Voldemort, but
he has, and so we at Noviomagus can only announce his complete triumph.”

The completely unbiased authority of Noviomagus will hopefully stop all protests and Howlers and curses littering the floor of broom headquarters. Noviomagus, by the way, was largely responsible for Ludo Bagman’s campaign to become Minister for Magic in 1991. Needless to say, they failed. After trying ineffectively to sue the actual winner, Cornelius O. Fudge, they decided to become neutral instead of taking the side of one party.                                                                             (ALL)

Scandal Throws Its Shadow Over The Election
(The World) Fraud, swindle and deception have taken part in broom’s objective poll on the topic of the Best Bad Boy! Initiators are shocked and beg their supporters to demonstrate!
broom has called and all the world answered. That was what we were allowed to witness during the last month. We here at broom were honoured to receive so much feedback. Thank you Iavas, thank you Stefanie, thank you Marco!
Something unimaginable has happened: the results of the poll were forged! From beginning to end there only was one person to win and that could not be Brian & Mike. broom was able to uncover this scandal and has the two kicked out candidates convinced to agree to an interview.
broom: What was your first thought when you had heard that you didn’t win?
Brian & Mike: We were deeply shocked. After all we had counted on our victory. Actually, one of our first thoughts was that the election had been forged in order
to make another candidate win.
broom: Wasn’t that a bit daring considering the fact that you yourselves used broom to persuade people to vote in your favour?
Brian & Mike: Who are you? Doesn’t matter, whoever you are you are fired. We will continue the interview ourselves.
Brian: Mike, is it true that no other candidate wanted to use advertisement space in broom?
Mike: Yes, that is correct, Brian. Brian, I know we did uncover this scandal, but can you tell our readers which brilliant idea of mine…
Brian: Your brilliant idea? It was my brilliant idea to check the topics for February broom and by that I discovered an already started article on Ramon Vargas!
Mike: Ramon Vargas! Can you believe that! Our old school nemesis…
Brian: More of a nemesis for the Malignant Magpies…
Mike: Their foes are our foes!
Brian: United we stand!
Mike: There’s still hope! …where were we?
Brian: Hogsmeade.
Mike: No, not locally, what were we talking about?
Brian: I have no idea…can you remember?
Mike: No, I can’t.
Brian: Shall we go to Anne and enjoy a cup of tea with the tea drinking society?
Mike: No, I think she has voted for Vargas, too!
Brian: The world has turned bad!
Mike: You say it my old chum. But as long as we have each other…
Brian: Mike, you’re really my best pal. I knew you would vote for us!
Mike: Er, I didn’t vote for us…
Brian: ???
Mike: I voted for Vargas…I knew you would vote for us…
Brian: Er, I didn’t vote for us either…
Mike: ???
Brian: I voted for Vargas…I thought you would vote for us…
Mike: You’re such an idiot, you could have asked me before giving him your vote!
Brian: You’re the idiot, you could have asked…

broom's Best Bad Boy Board
Now that you’ve faithfully voted for RAMON VARGAS, we proudly present the first issue of Vargas’ biography. Despite the protests we received, we decided to stick to the candidate elected. So, sue us for doing a Vargas year. Try next time, all you losers! (We protest! Mike and Brian.)
Ramon Vargas was born. Oh yes, he was, definitely. But his birthday – well, his family did not want to give it away, so let’s safely assume he’s about 26 years old in our present year (for those who forgot – we’re in Harry’s sixth school year, so it’s 1996). His father is Richard Vargas, his mother Hannah Vargas, née Lestrange.
If you’re educated in the history of the Dark Arts, and
especially an expert in the reign of Voldemort, the name Lestrange will make you cringe. As should the name Vargas, come to think of it.
Little is known about little Ramon. Let’s assume he played with dad’s wand, and made his mum whip up strawberry cream pudding. Maybe he even rode a toy broomstick and made slugs burst. Especially the latter is highly likely. He’ll have had the same black unruly hair he always had, he always had dark eyes, he always had a vicious temper.
We think to understand anybody a little family history is vital. So keep an eye on broom’s Best Bad Boy Vicious Vargas and read on next month!

Horticultural Horrors

Arbor Natalicia Vulgara et ut liberor ab alqa – The Vulgar Christmas Tree and how to get rid of it


Hello everybody out there! In the last edition of Horticultural Horrors you learnt how to get the perfect Christmas Tree. Today I will introduce you to several possibilities of how you can get rid of it again. And honestly, if your Christmas Tree is still adding to the flair of your living- or other room it is about high time to turn it out!
Unfortunately getting rid of it is not quite as easy as getting it. You must be creative on this one! Why don’t you take a lit candle and have a look at your tree?
Does it needle? Is the decoration still on it? Closer, closer… Yes, that might just solve this nasty problem; however, it will leave you with a new one, but really, I’m not responsible for the furniture and set-up of your home.
If you are Swedish you will certainly want to celebrate ‘knut’. The traditional ritual of the throwing your tree out of the window – on December, 27th. And by doing so you will also make sure to have a tree next Christmas – without needles, but those are hurting anyway. This will spare you the trouble of stealing a tree this year, too.
If you happen to be one of nature’s lovers you might have a tree which you can plant into the soil of your backyard. Good choice! Planting season will begin
in May. Until then I hope you will not get fed up with your green friend having settled comfortably in your home drinking your water and breathing your carbon dioxide. It will grow during the next months and I dearly hope you had considered this before. Was that a squirrel? Never mind, you will get used to them, too.
You can try and make the best of it and sell it. What about an advertisement: Christmas Tree, practically new, once sung under it. Then again you must have the luck to find a connoisseur no other idiot will buy your tree now! The chances would have been much bigger had you put that ad up before Christmas. Well, there will always be a next time!
Yours sincerely,                           LPG

Relative Investigations Part 2
During our regular yearly browse through the muggle net we discovered the homepage of a certain Ramon Vargas. Ramon Vargas? First shocked and later surprised, we here at broom wondered, discussed and doubted that a muggle despiser should have his own space on the muggle net!
By reading the stated facts (not too tall and not exactly slim and singer) we decided: this cannot be Ramon Vargas. Well, it can be; however this is not our old school acquaintance by the same name.
We dived deep into research after our latest discovery and are able to state that there are 4.356 Vargas out there on the muggle net.
We feel at liberty to assure you that neither of these is in any way related to our Ramon Vargas.
What can make us so sure? Hello! We’re talking muggle-hater here! Which dark wizard would publish his curriculum vitae (have been hating muggles all my life practically…) and his future plans (intend to go on hating muggles practically for the rest of my life…) on the muggle net?
No one – we would like to exclude Roland Banks at this point, as we are talking of intelligent dark wizards. To your relief or worry we like to add that Vargas has no non-dark relatives apart from some distant cousins and great-aunts and -uncles.

So if you meet a Vargas on the muggle net you can be pretty sure that he is either not a wizard or not dark. Unfortunately we know nothing about strange muggle Vargas, so you might want to keep your eye on them.

Editor's Corner

Another tragic election

Dear readers and not-so-dear non-voters,
Now that the election is over (and the party as well), business will return to normal. That means, we will deal with the real political scene, which doesn’t look too rosy. Just to remind you: Voldemort is back, we’ve got another war, and our elected (!) Minister is, let’s be polite, not very competent.
But that’s the thing with democracy: you get what the majority votes for, even if the other candidates seem better to you. Let’s see, how about the last real election of the Wizarding World? Cornelius Oswald Fudge won – but only after the real winner, Albus Dumbledore, told everyone again and again he was not available for the job.
Fudge wasn’t the real winner, see? He lost to a man who was not even willing to be Minister! A shame.
And no, all of you Quidditch fans out there. Ludo Bagman wouldn’t have been a better choice. He’s run away from some Goblins. Do you trust him a farthing? I don’t.
I trust Albus Dumbledore. So does the whole of broom’s team, and so far we fared well with doing so. Just to remind you, we’ve got Death Eaters and Dementors on the loose. We need all of you, and ignore the Ministry as well as you can!

Resistance Rocks!
Mike Flatley


Disclaimer: All names, characters and places are property of J.K. Rowling and Warner bros., except of those not found in the "Harry Potter" books and movies which belong to Ulrike Friedrich and Kirsten Seelbach. No financial and/or commercial gain is intended.