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Autumnal August Makes Mischief Managable

(The World) Terrible torrential rain and temperatures tempting to turn on the hot heating made the sweet summer season an autumnal August. People powerlessly pried into sodden streets and onto dripping trees, wishing the fierce floods would sincerely stop.
Several wise wizards in Wiltshire wanted to magically make summer soar back into place by saying spells. Unfortunately, the silly spells went wrong and wreaked hellish havoc by creating

thunderous tornados. Since the Ministry morons knew perfectly well what to do, they went to Wiltshire and at once arrested the awful wizards to send them into Azkaban. “At least this kind of magical mischief is manageable,” a Ministry moron mumbled to us. True – in crass contrast to the murders and misdeeds cruelly committed by Death Eaters. Still, be careful and console yourself with the expectation of an awesome autumn with a lot of serene sunshine. (All)

Bad Burglars Pitilessly Pack Popular Painting

(Egypt) Many members of a magnificent Muggle museum were made miserably mad by bad burglars who primitively broke into the public part of their exciting exhibition of existing examples of expressedly expressionistic art. Interestingly enough, the insolent insiders easily entered when the double doors were drawn open to allowingly offer an obligatory overview over the opulent opera of the old artists. The cunning criminals consequently could choose the cutest and coolest cartoon. Then they simply had to slowly stroll in to seemingly stare at the poor painting.

When no one was willingly watching they suddenly snatched the sad stroke of a mad master and then secretly stored it underneath their untidy undershirt. They yawned yappingly and slowly stole not only the popular painting but also themselves away. The particular picture which was primitively packed belongs to the Vincent Van Gogh collection and famously focuses on fresh flowers in a fine vase. Should you secretly see this shown then say something to your nearest police station – if not, don’t! (All)

newbroom-e-gram
August 4 Is there anything nicer than a summer’s day in August? We can’t think of anything.
August 6 Could we please have summer weather again, it’s raining nonstop and that’s getting on our nerves. And when we get bored we come up with all kinds of mischief.
August 10 Right, still abysmal weather. That means we have to find ways to enjoy ourselves inside. We decided to explore the floopowder network.
August 12 There are loads of very filthy fireplaces in the magical community, let us tell you. Perhaps we should give hand-brushes to all our readers. That would help a bit cleaning up the filth. It’s no fun ending up with grime between your teeth after visiting somebody in their kitchen or living room.
August 18 Unfortunately the floopowder network is watched by Ministry morons. They were keeping tabs on us apparently and now blocked our own fireplace so we could not use the network again unless we applied for using it.		 August 20 Ha, we went on another excursion. The Ministry didn’t exactly catch us… There was no need to. We were just taking a look at an incredibly ugly living room somewhere in Dorset when a big bang told us our way back was shut. And that meant we had to either apparate back home, which does not work since Dumbledore put a spell on headquarters, or we could travel the Muggle way.
August 30 We travelled the Muggle way. It was a nightmare. The trains were either delayed or full to bursting or there were leaves on the track making service impossible. We had not enough Muggle money to pay for a plane ticket or a taxi. So we tramped and slept in youth hostels (a kind of Muggle youth detention centres, apparently). At least we collected great ideas for broom which were lost with our complete luggage at a train station in Scotland, where some louts wanted to know the time and ended up having all our things. Still, broom is finished.

Ring, Ring, Telephone, Ring

(broom Headquarters) “We need a Muggle telephone!” No one would ever believe that a horror story could start with four simple words like these – alright, five. Maybe you will change your mind soon.
“We need a Muggle telephone!” Brian said. Mike didn't even look up to his colleague. “Why?” He only wanted to know. However, this was enough to get Brian started: “To stay in contact with our readers.” Mike looked at Brian’s desk where he could see a pile of letters – unanswered. “You don’t even manage to deal with your fan mail.” He reminded his friend. Brian’s eyes followed his friend’s gaze. “Oh, these are only the unpaid bills. Only joking.” He added when he saw Mike’s angry look.
To cut a long story short: Brian and Mike decided to get a Muggle telephone. They put on their Muggle clothes and set off to the nearest telephone shop. That was when they realized that Muggles not only buy a telephone. After they had used the word ‘Muggle’ for the third time and consequently had to put a third memory charm on the poor clerk they left again.
It had occurred to them that Arthur Weasley was a famous collector of Muggle stuff. Actually, he wasn’t quite sure which of his countless objects was a telephone but Brian and Mike had turned into experts and therefore could easily tell.
“Now, what is this wire for?” Brian asked. Mike only shrugged. This was the point when they decided to drop their plan of doing this the Muggle way. A few waves of their wands later the telephone was installed. “So, who do we call?” Mike asked
enthusiastically. “I don’t know. Do we know anyone who has a

telephone?” Brian wondered.
Into the following silence the telephone rang. Brian took the receiver, said the number and added ‘broom Headquarters’ proudly. A voice was telling him that he had won something and if he wanted to collect his price he simply had to press button one. Brian was devastated. Theirs was a very old telephone and there just were no buttons to be pressed.
The next couple of times when the telephone rang there simply was no one on the line. Only once there was a Muggle voice who asked Mike for his name. This all seemed very strange to the two and both soon were quite annoyed by this Muggle crap.
After two weeks Brian had already developed a sort of routine when answering the phone.
It rang again. he said the usual and silence followed. After a short pause this silence was followed by a ‘hello’. Brian who had already started hating this custom of just saying hello replied by also using this word.
“Hello!” was the echo on the phone and just not to displease the other end he repeated it again. at last he got a name. Then he was asked for his. He sighed as he had already given a full length account of his personal details at the start. However, this was too much for the other end. Brian was accused of not being interested and just as he was about to snap back the other end had ended the call.
The same minute Brian grabbed the telephone and carried it back to Arthur. Peace and silence returned to broom Headquarters and the wish to own Muggle objects had ceased – at least for a while. (All)

Travelling Tales: A Lesson A Day Keeps Death Eaters Away

Fish is not a good souvenir
This is the last day before we have to go back to broom headquarters now. It is sad that those nearly carefree days are over again! But of course there is also the wish to know how everyone fares. Those who were left behind will want to be told about our great adventures. They will also want gifts, but won’t say so openly. Since we are just the same in our wishes, we realized it was time to purchase some suitable souvenirs for our friends and admirers. We bought some scented ink for Geronimo and toys for Rosemary and Rascal. Nevertheless, we were still lacking souvenirs. Luckily there was a so-called Fish Fair where we hoped to find gifts. Our hopes high, we went to have a look. From the dyke things looked promising. Not only were there numerous stalls but there also seemed to be a huge variety of them. Eagerly we ventured down the dyke for a closer look.There were numerous stalls alright. One sold ugly cheap plastic shoes, one sold tea, one sold expensive sweets you can get at any Muggle fair, one sold stones, a pair of dancing Indians sold CDs…And you could buy fish. Needless to say we wanted to bring something authentic, something from the region.

The fair and the funny fish and of course the kites. photo: KS

   However, there was nothing but the fish fitting the bill. And fish, we learned, is not a good souvenir unless you want your conveyance to reek mercilessly. So we left, the piece of good advice ringing in our ears. We were empty-handed, but at least a bit wiser again. (BC&MF)

Beware of Vampires!

(Hogsmeade) Usually, broom’s excellent editors only interview each other on the occasion of their magazine’s anniversary. His time, however, strange circumstances make it necessary, nay, vital, to Mike Flatley to subject his co-editor Brian Cullen to an interrogation.
MF: Brian, we most definitely need to talk!
BC: Really? I don’t see any particular calamity.
MF: Show me your teeth – come on, let me see them.
BC: Have you lost your marbles?! My teeth?!
MF: Okay, they don’t look like fangs to

me. Phew, relief.
BC: Sorry, what’s this about? I’m neither a werewolf nor a vampire, and to the best of my knowledge all that bit me lately was a midget.
MF: Muggle teenage girls are all hysterical because of a vampire named Edward Cullen who looks a bit like the late Cedric Diggory.
BC: Well, Cullen is not exactly an uncommon name, you know.
MF: Do you have any vampires in the family?
BC: Not that I know of. We have all kinds of weirdoes among our ancestors, but no vampires.
MF: So you can swear that Edward

Cullen is not related to you?
BC: I can swear that no vampire called Edward Cullen is a relation of mine. My great-great-uncle’s name was Edward, however.
MF: What?! Could he be that teenager idol?
BC: Not unless teenagers nowadays fall for octogenarians sprouting great tufts of hair from their ears and nostrils.
MF: Ugh, no, I don’t think so. Thanks for answering my questions. Can I offer you a drink?
BC: Yeah, I’d really fancy a Bloody Mary…
(MF)

newbroom's Next Best Bad Boy Board

(Hogwarts) Last month’s edition taught you that Greg Nott started developing an interest in girls. And as there was none who could put up with his high standards that his eyes finally fell on Anne Symmons. Read on and find out whether Anne’s eyes also fell on Greg.
The first step to win a girl’s heart is to talk to her – even Greg knew so much about the matter. He would have enjoyed talking to her if it hadn’t been for her two constant companions. No doubt he could have gotten rid of them with one single swish of his wand – or would that have been a flick, doesn’t matter, probably he wouldn’t have formed a great basis for his social conversation with Anne.
Naturally, he could have tried to become friends with the two as well, however, he hated Muggleborns so much that he simply couldn’t become friend with one of them. Patience Wood, well, whatever would he have done with two girls. And you really must see his point there because he was convinced that any girl would just have to fall instantly for him once he had said only one word. Even without him using magic.
At least Greg thought so. However, when his first “hi” to Anne

  only conjured up a polite response which consisted of the mere repetition of his greeting phrase he realized that this would be much harder than he had expected. As a matter of fact we don’t exactly know how it happened that Greg talked to Anne  but he must as his behaviour caused a crisis in professor Snape’s universe. He even tried to forbid Anne to get to know Greg better.
Those of you who know her and her stubbornness will be well aware that this could only help Greg and his plan. Anne didn’t dream of doing what professor Snape had told her to but decided to follow a completely contrary aim – no matter how much she loathed Greg.
You must not think that she loathed Snape more than she did Greg, no that definitely was not the case, then again, what she loathed most of all was being told what to do.
Make sure not to miss next month’s edition of newbroom’s Next Best Bad Boy Board where we hope you will find out what happened next, especially whether professor Snape repeated his threat to either Greg or Anne. (All)

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What do you think, Severus?

Disclaimer: All names, characters and places are property of J.K. Rowling and Warner bros., except of those not found in the "Harry Potter" books and movies which belong to Ulrike Friedrich and Kirsten Seelbach. No financial and/or commercial gain is intended.