newbroom Breaking News

                                                                             Ministry Makes Mike Mad

For many months your favourite monthly magazine has been made unfairly unavailable to the interested eyes of the rare readers. Obviously, the obscure Ministry malignantly ordered a complete closure certainly caused by the countless elections which were due to be daringly held during the past days and weeks. Rumour reports that although this step was seriously taken terrible things took place: The British Prime Minister moved out of his pretty bungalow to make way for the winning man. In fact, the whole hierarchy collapsed because a cool coalition rarely replaced the usual unitary one party one power

system. Surely, Germany is facing fearlessly a complete crisis leading literally to the final fall of the gay government. In every election since the secret sedation of popular newbroom the parties in power have perfectly been put down dutifully by the willing voters. Magnificent Mike made mad by the Ministry woefully wonders whether these welcome votes simply show surprised sympathy and sure support in times of sad suppression of brilliant broom: a sincere strike for the right of speech and text. Mad Mike reportedly cried 'Resistance Rocks!' before he was tragically taken to St. Mungo's.

 newbroom-e-gram
May 1 May day. Hang on - May Day? Exactly our motto these days: Mayday!!!
May 7 Geronimo is back at work, or would like to, however, he can't print without ink. Shame.		 May 14 Something's going on, as we heard through the grapevine. Keep your fingers crossed!
May 28 There are rumours we might be able to publish again by mid-June. That would be gorgeous!

Apology

(Muggle World) It has never been and will never be broom’s intention to meddle with Muggle politics. Indeed, we do meddle with our own Ministry morons, but since we do not have the same degree of insight to or are influenced in the same way by Muggle politicians, we dare not dream of overthrowing them.
Yet it seems as if we owe quite a few apologies to several Muggle politicians, as it seems. First, British Prime Minister Gordon brown lost his office in the last elections. Unfortunately these coincided with one of our calls to overthrow the Minister for Magic. Oops. Then a German minister resigned from office,

which in itself was quite a good idea in his case, yet wasn’t what we wanted. If anyone was ever clearly non-magical, it’s that Hessian! And the latest of these incidents, hopefully not connected to our campaign but apparently closely linked, was the resignation of German president Horst Köhler. Whatever he took offense at, it was not him we were referring to in our snide remarks about inapt politicians! No need to resign, therefore. Anyway, we really do apologize for causing all these inconveniences and hope that next time it’s the Minister for Magic and not one of his Muggle counterparts who loses his job! (BC&MF)

Travelling Tales: A Lesson A Day Keeps Death Eaters Away

Size Does Matter!
(On holiday still) Today we ventured forth as far as to the beach. We would have even ventured forth to take the ferry to one of the surrounding islands, had not our countless fans and many admirers begged us to stay ashore during such a storm.
Therefore, we ventured forth to go to one of the numerous surrounding museums instead. This one was all about whales: pre-historic whales, blue whales, white whales – no sorry, that was a shark, big whales, small whales, South Wales, North Wale and so on.
There in the marvellous museum they had a broad variety of things on exhibition. We could even maneouver a boat – er – ship – well with a little bit of magic and jinxing, that is. On display, there was also the skeleton of a whale – a speciman of the big group of the dead whales – which had stranded on a sandbank in 2003.


Not a whale but a stranded jellyfish!                                  photo: UF
View of one of the surrounding islands.                              photo: UF
And still the skeleton wasn't the most interesting thing in in this museum. The most interesting thing – or should we say: thingy – in this museum was the copy of a whale's penis which can be up to two meters long, which takes us nicely to today's lesson: size does matter!
After this rather impressive sight we refused to go to the toilet for a day or two as our own sights were much too depressive in comparison – then again, maybe not 'much too'. As we were still short of some souvenirs we went to the city again and got some things for our loved ones and ourselves of course.
While doing so we stumbled across a shell museum. They had various sorts of shells, snails and other animals that inhabit the sea including stuffed crocodiles – we decided to be a bit more careful while strolling along sunny, sandy beaches.
Some of the shells were also for sale and from now on a shell will decorate our office and make it a bit more mediterranean.

 

newbroom's Next Best Bad Boy Board

The last edition of newbroom's Next Best Bad Boy Board in May – published mid-June – reportedly revealed how Greg turned to secret dark magic. Read on in today's edition of newbroom's Next Best Bad Boy Board in June – also published mid-June – to find out if he was found out.
Making things disappear, great as this may be – was not Greg's highest intention. He was up to no good, in fact, he was up to very evil. As a witch or wizard you will be well aware of the evil spells which can be used to torture, command and kill, but do you also know the very evil spells?
While the first are also referred to as the Unforgivable Curses, the latter are tried to hush up so much that they didn't even get a name. Therefore, we here at newbroom will refer to them as the Very Evil Spells.
As we said the Very Evil Spells are kept a secret and in fact they are so secret and so evil that we could not possibly publish any of them or even tell you about their effects. And don't ask Greg or you might end up extremely miserable and exceedingly dead.

 Naturally, you would definitely want to practice the things you learned and so did Greg. Obviously, you cannot run around a school filled with ghosts, moving pictures, teachers and students shouting Very Evil Spells and not be detected and neither did Greg.
Still, Greg was not stupid, well, at least not as stupid as he looks. Secretly, he stole away into the Forbidden Forest to use some of his knowledge. There, possible witnesses could easily be gotten rid off: centaurs, teachers, students - all could simply disappear into the mists of the dangerous forest.
However, as it is usually the case in life the one thing which you didn't expect to happen happened: He met with a wizard who knew more Very Evil Spells than he did. Greg was not only defeated but also devestated. Should his life really be only a chain of failures?
Make sure not to miss the next edition of newbroom's Next Best Bad Boy Board in July – published whenever the Ministry morons please – to learn more about Greg's defeat and its consequences.

Crossword Puzzle

1  I                 XII
2                     
3    XI   XVI
4               
5    XIII  IX V  
6        VIII  
 7 III        
8    IV  
9    
10      VI      
11 X      
12  XIV    
13 VII     II        
14    XV        
Across
1 ... Mike
2 opposite of stupid
3 not really nice
4 not guilty (might be unknown to Ms Umbridge)
5 not intelligent
6 what we lived through during the last couple of months
7 another word for stay
8 that helped us relax
9 new quality of Mike
10 the state newbroom was in
11 what the Ministry likes to do
12 our sedation is ...
13 new name of your favourite monthly magazine
14 what we intend to do		 Down
1 the ones who are responsible for us being offline (two words)

The looked for phrase:
 ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____,  ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____  ____ ____ ____ ____   ____ ____ ____ ____
XI     III     XIV   III     X      XIII   XI        IX     VI     III      I       XI     III      II       X      III      XV     XVI   VIII  XIII   X

____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____   ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____!
XI     XII    X      VIII   VII    IV    III      XI     XII      IX     VIII   V      XI     VIII   VII

Disclaimer: All names, characters and places are property of J.K. Rowling and Warner bros., except of those not found in the "Harry Potter" books and movies which belong to Ulrike Friedrich and Kirsten Seelbach. No financial and/or commercial gain is intended.