broom Breaking News
Rash Rain Really Rushes Round to Rallying Earth
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Lately lovely life listlessly lectured lots of living lots that it rarely rains but predominantly pours. Poor people pathetically paved popular paths becoming beautifully soaked to the suntanned skin. Soothing sun shouldn’t shine severely since serious St. Peter perfectly promised to properly pay back the pleasant programme of the previous period. Soon the thousands of selected sunshines shall certainly change into several showers. Many men will mind miserably meeting much moist while witty |
women will visibly wait for the wet weather to walk away swiftly. Four forecasters foretell fervently that festive fall finally falls into fresh February for the fourth time. Traditional tales theoretically tell of terrible tidings taking place preferably when plausible possibilities are ruthlessly replaced by pestering problems. Occasional climate is continually coming to a cool close or rather races rashly to ridiculously wrap all seven seasons into one short session. (BC) |
A Song for broom
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(Another Muggle Musical) Having found out about the song for the Death Eaters, we here at broom set out to do some more research and listen to some more musicals. You will never guess what we found out. Well, you might if you read the headline. We found a song featuring broom. You will not know what this means, however, to us this means pound symbols in our eyes. For the whole article you will have wondered which |
musical features broom. We shall tell you: Cabaret and our broom is featured in the self-same song: Put down your knitting, your book and your broom. No, not you, this is the famous mentioning of your favourite magazine. Judging from the fact that this musical is older than our broom we would probably have to pay. Maybe we should just forget about this and you would never mention it to anyone or would you? (MF) |
broom-e-gram
| February 4 Muggle people in Germany do something really
weird these days: They go shopping for wizarding clothes! February 11 Today Muggle German women celebrate some weird pagan festival. They dress up and take over government from the men. We always thought the German chancellor was already a woman, but never mind. February 14 Valentine's Day. We avoided Madam Puddifoot's coffee shop today. All those cherubs and flying heart make us sick! February 15 It looks like there is a revolution in Germany. The badly dressed udnerdogs take over and celebrate their victory in colourful parades in which they make fun of the just-disposed-of government. |
February 17 The German revolution is over, and the government back in
office. They are now bickering to stop giving the poor badly dressed
udnerdogs more money so that no new revolution can start. February 21 We just got a letter from Horace who reminded us that February has only got 28 days and we should start broom now, because he would never grant us more time again. It messed up the whole world's time, he said. Old miser! February 28 Thanks to Horace's letter we called our slaves in on time and finished broom. It looks great, we think and we had a lot of fun preparing the stuff. Well, our slaves had... Anyway, you read it and enjoy it and that's our biggest reward. Is anyone going to give us a pay-rise, by the way??? |
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(Hogsmeade) The current political crisis in the wizarding
world has prompted us to seek the advise of a woman who knows the workings
of the Ministry as well as a person can do: Millicent Bagnold, predecessor
of Cornelius Fudge in the office of Minister for Magic. Mike Flatley was
kindly given the opportunity to talk to the wise ex-minister, who by now
lives on a tiny sheep farm in Wales, almost completely cut off from the
wizarding world. MF: Mrs Bagnold, I am very glad to be able to talk to you today. May I ask how you are? MB: I am fine, Mr Flatley, thank you very much. It is a pleasure to talk to you. MF: Thank you. Mrs Bagnold, you were Minister for Magic for 10 years, namely from 1980 to 1990. What was the most important event during your term of office? MB: Oh dear, I really cannot say what was the most important event! In truth, I am fairly glad that my term of office was a time of peace and there were no signs of trouble like under my successor Cornelius Fudge. MF: I am sorry to say, Mrs Bagnold, that this is not quite the truth, is it? I mean, when you became Minister, it was in the wake of the terror regime of Lord Voldemort. MB: Oh, that! Yes. You are right. I was the first Minister for Magic after He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named’s downfall. Seen under that aspect, the most important thing was of course to radically break with the Death Eater alliances and see to the legal prosecution of the malefactors. MF: So you were the one responsible for the processes in the Wizengamot? MB: Yes, indeed. You see, it is the Minister for Magic who is usually also head of the Wizengamot. This was not the most pleasant time of my term of office – but it was deeply necessary. I sometimes fear, though, that all we managed to do was cover up everything with a thin veneer of |
lawfulness, while the actual evil roots were left to sow strife in later
years. MF: What do you mean? MB: I think we caught only those Death Eaters who were too stupid or too blind to see where they were going to end. Those whose allegiances were clearly with You-Know-Who but were clever enough to hide that are still at large. I am sure you, Mr Flatley, know what I am talking about. MF: Indeed I do, Mrs Bagnold. Was there ever any chance to catch those wizards? MB: Not legally, no. And since I did not want to answer with terror of my own brand, I had no way to prosecute them. However, the one thing the Ministry did do was re-establishing order and maintaining calm after the chaos. MF: This was not easy, I assume. MB: No. It was pretty hard, in fact. But we managed. Unfortunately, this work came to a sudden stop with my retiring. MF: How so? MB: There were some major laws about to come, to be able to find even the hidden Death Eaters. But my successor, Cornelius Fudge, decided to close his eyes to the danger which is clearly still imminent and say that after ten years, everything was fine! I daresay nobody has ever been so completely deluded before! MF: As the events at Hogwarts that year showed. MB: Indeed! I wrote to Cornelius, telling him not to be an ass, and see where it got me! To a Welsh sheep farm where Fudge thinks I can do no harm! MF: Are you thinking of coming back out of your retirement? MB: Yes. And when I do so, I will join Albus Dumbledore’s side. MF: Thank you very much for this delightful interview, Mrs Bagnold, and good luck for your return to the wizarding world. |
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(Your Neighbourhood Perhaps, Ours Certainly) “Love your neighbour” is what LPG preached to us during one of her Halloween Horticultural Horrors. Anyone who knows us knows how much we love our neighbours, too. However, some seem to be a bit too – or rather much too insolent to be born leave alone loved. If you happen to have neighbours like ours a hex or two might come in handy at times. Now, do you have neighbours who are in any way comparable to ours? Our neighbours were insolent enough to ask for help – not an insolence in itself, however, they made us promise to show up at their homes the following week. As good neighbours we did show up – several times even, but who wasn’t there? Exactly! Instead of showing up themselves they stopped us during our walks or on our way to work. We had offered a help program but needed at leas five or six participants. Stupid as we were we had promised to arrange something privately if the program wouldn’t take place. So one day we really caught our neighbours at home (you cannot imagine how surprised we were) and talked at length about the planned help. A date suggested by our neighbours was agreed on and we returned home to start the preparations two days later As another person was involved who had to be contacted first to be informed about the date. |
The day before the date a call reached us telling us that we were too expensive, the date was no good and that the others had expected something completely different. First of all, we didn’t have the impression that money played any role at all as this was the last question which would have been ignored if we hadn’t talked about it. Besides: WE ARE NOT TOO EXPENSIVE! The date hadn’t been our suggestion and could have been changed as our neighbours were informed. However, there was this sudden appearance of the others. We only knew of one other. We had been in need of five people, two were offered help and suddenly there seem to have been some more in want for help. What did our neighbours think that we can’t count to two? Admittedly counting is difficult but hello: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 – even we could have managed that! Just to make one thing quite clear. We wouldn’t have helped any group bigger than two! We’re not stupid and we’re not social welfare and we hate to be lied to. As it presents itself to us now our neighbours not only lied to us but also told the other interested people not to contact us in order to probably save money. If you have neighbours like that than please tell us if they are so insolent as to call you, cancel the date naming the above reasons and then to ask whether they could get access to the advertised material you would have used. No more needs to be said. (ALL) |
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If in need of poison, visit a Muggle monastery Even though the day was a bit grey and there were rumours of Death Eater activities, we decided to do some sightseeing. After all, it was a Sunday. Muggles tend to do sightseeing on Sundays, and we though we’d angle for anonymity in masses. Okay, so we did not think of the fact that Death Eaters couldn’t care less about some Muggle collateral damage… 
Ihlow Monastery. KS09. |
Still, we set out to visit a reconstructed Muggle monastery. It was great!
There was a garden, too, with loads of useful herbs. Luckily they also sold
plants, so we obtained some souvenirs for dear people: agrimony (harmless),
angelica (not so harmless) and foxglove (definitely not harmless). We must
only decide now who to give what. Isn’t that great? Since we still had half a day to do something else, we stopped at a nearby museum called Moordorf. There you can experience the narrowness of the houses of people working in peat. It is unbelievable how small their houses were! Twelve people crowded into a one-room hut the size of a modern walk-in wardrobe! Small wonder the museum has got a nickname: “Museum of Poverty”. This is quite fitting. That day, we did not see any Death Eater. However, we learned a valuable lesson. If in need of poison, visit a Muggle monastery, they provide the most poisonous plants. (ALL) |
broom's Next Best Bad Boy Board
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In last
month’s edition of broom’s Next Best Bad Boy Board you found out that Greg
is the more or less happy possessor of a little brother. However, this
wasn’t all: It was also uncovered that Greg went to Hogwarts. |
Did you ever try to find a best friend? Exactly, this is nothing
you go out to find. A best friend cannot be plucked out of a bunch of roses.
A best friend simply happens. You cannot even decide about the time or place.
It can happen practically anywhere anytime. To make things worse you don’t even realize when you find your best friend. Friends come and go. Some of who you thought they would be there for you for ever simply disappear into oblivion. Sometimes you think you’d do anything for a certain person and a week later you don’t give a damn. And as the years go by one or two constant companions – well, don’t appear, but – stay. All of this was not known to young Greg. This knowledge doesn’t come to us by instinct. No elder can teach us this either. Only life the cruellest master of us all will eventually lead us to this wisdom. And yet, we here at broom do not know whether Greg ever learnt this lesson or if he is still somewhere out there trying to detect the perfect candidate for a best friend. As we here at broom are all humans – Geronimo excepted, of course – we do sympathize with Mr Nott and do keep our fingers crossed that he will one day realize that friendship cannot be planned but simply comes to us as a gift of God. Our lecture will have taught you by now that Greg didn’t make friends easily. Disappointment turned out to be his most constant companion. Read on in the next edition of your favourite broom and maybe find out more about him and his affairs. |
Sudoku
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This one is only for you, Severus!