broom Breaking News

Prime Present

Presently pompous presents are primarily purchased by prosperous people, but blessed poor persons persistently pursue to blissfully buy big presents, too. Tricky tickets are truly taken into account as any anyone can assuredly afford any. Smart supermarkets soberly sell all sorts of sensationally cheap tickets. Train tickets terrifically take the trains off the shelves as aircraft tickets fabulously fly off the same fine family of furniture. Terrific tickets tolerably turn into popular presents for favourite friends and popular people but how to behave brilliantly to bad persons? Serious shopkeepers slyly show the excellent solution:

 They secretly started selling special tickets. These special tickets are no tickets for a kick in the knee or other preferred parts of the beautiful body. These special tickets are tickets to the mad moon. Maybe you might wonder why to willingly waste such a wonderful present to a bad person. The cause of this is quite clear. These special tickets to the mad moon are one way no return tickets. Some slaves successfully slaving for our broom already ordered some special tickets one is for a mean Mrs. P. – we’re very worried who all others might be offered to.

December Dreams Dullfully Drowned

The snowy season sensationally settled in secretly and seemingly dug up daring dreams. Equally daring Death Eaters eventually dream on drowsy evenings instead of insisting on insanely initiatig another annoying assassination. Miraculous maids may memorize their latest lover lying lustfully on the luxurious lawn. Lonely lads certainly think of their sweet spouses and the wonderful way in which the weak witch had breathtakingly bewitched them.

Poor people privately produce popular pictures of revolting richness. Rich readers really re-live their magic moment of the most magnificent memory their mingling mind may mobilize. However, harsh happenings have horrified these happy hopes. Doodling December dutifully destroyed all daring dreams of old autumn and effectively emptied our energetic energy. Therefore, sad souls are surely sighing this season until sunny spring doubtlessly dries their terrible tears.

broom-e-gram

November 1 We are completely exhausted becuase of our Halloween party - and it will last almost one more week!
November 7 It just occurred to us that people were waiting for a brand new edition of their favourite monthly magazine. We're really wondering how the oxy-morons at the Daily Profit manage to have a new edition every day.
November 10 After having read the Daily Profit for a couple of days, we realized that there was nothing new in it really.
November 15 We've just realized that we had been reading th same Profit for something that gets close to a week.
November 16 Today we "borrowed" a new edition of the Profit.

  November 19 After having mused abou the Profit for some time, we decided that it is all old news anyway.
November 20 Alas, another raid. We're quite sure they only wanted to find the christmas presents they thought we would have for them.
November 28 At last we have cleaned up the mess the Ministry morons had caused - yes, some was left of our extended Halloween party as well.
November 30 30? The last day of the month? There is another edition of broom to be done? You must be kidding. You really want to have it by tomorrow. We will have to work nightshift then...

“Good Night, Sleep Tight”

(The World – The Whole World) Everybody has a dream job and only a few people can make their dream come true and even less are able to dream on in their dream job. broom discovered one of this rare species to interview him.

broom: Steven Latimer Edward Eugene Philips you're working here in this matrace storage. What are you doing exactly?
SLEEP: First of all this isn't just a matrace storage. Here you will find all the latest models of new matraces which are about to enter the market. And I, well, I sleep here and there and over there as well.
broom: And you get paid for this?
SLEEP: Yes, I do.
broom: Our readers are of course keen to know what sort of profession you have so that they can all get additional training in order to change jobs.
SLEEP: I'm a test-sleeper.
broom: Do you test or sleep more?

 SLEEP: I test every time I sleep.
broom: How did you become a test sleeper?
SLEEP: Actually, this was quite easy. I read the ad in my local newspaper, applied and got the job.
broom: So, no additional training was necessary?
SLEEP: No.
broom: Did you have any special qualities which helped you getting this job?
SLEEP: No.
broom: What about working hours?
SLEEP: Yes, that is a problem in deed because I only work night shift.
broom: Isn't it also a problem to find sleep sometimes?
SLEEP: Yes, indeed tht can happen.
broom: What do you do then? Do you reprot sick? Or awake?
SLEEP: No, it makes no difference. If I cannot sleep, it is the fault of the matrace. And I got paid the same salary independent of my finding it a good or a bad matrace.

broom: And do matrace companies sometimes try to bribe you into findng their products good?
SLEEP: Yes, I got a new matrace every week when I started. First, i sold them, then I gave them away for free. It only stopped when I informed every matrace company that I never sleep at home.
broom: Do you have any tips for anyone who wants to follow your path and make his or her dreamjob their real job?
SLEEP: RRRRrrrr
broom: Steven Latimer Edward Eugene Philips? Steven Latimer Edward Eugene Philips?
SLEEP: RRRRrrrr
broom: Good night, sleep tight!

As always broom would like to thank his interviewee for taking the time to answer a couple of questions and for not falling asleep earlier. Oh and special thanks to our slaves for not quitting their jobs! (MF)

New Kind Of Moron Found

(The world) broom is delighted to announce that a new kind of moron has been found, which has never before been seen anywhere in the world.
Last Friday, one of our devoted slaves was sitting in a lecture and was listening attentively when all of a sudden she was roused by the sound of a familiar word: “moron”. Now, as you know, “moron” is kind of a wake-up call for broom’s faithful journalists. We usually refer to Ministry employees when using the word – well, there is no other word fitting quite so well to most of the people working in the Ministry of Magic.
However, this time it popped up quite unexpectedly and in a Muggle context. It was all about stylistic devices – so how did our new kind of moron crawl in? Easy-peasy, as the little children say. The new kind of moron is a mega-moron, the ultimate moron, so to speak. It is, in short, the “oxy-moron”, a wild combination of a simple moron with an ox.
In fables, the ox is not very clever, and a moron is by definition rather an idiot.

 What happens when you combine them? You get the perfect moron as such. There is nothing less intelligent, no creature more appalling, no being more likely to step into quagmires of every sort than the oxy-moron. Needless to say, the person talking about the oxy-moron belongs to that species and wished to promote it.
broom wants to wish all oxy-morons well – if they haven’t got a job yet, they can apply for senior posts at the Ministry. The minister will be delighted to take them all on. (BC)


Note: There is actually a stylistic device called oxymoron. It means the connection of two words which are at odds usually, like “hateful love” or some such poetic nonsense. We do prefer oxy-morons, by the way.

broom's Best Bad Boy Board

Last month we told you all about the story of the success of Argus Filch. Now you are about to leanr which personnel changes led to his new life as caretaker of Hogwarts, hated by all – but is that really so?
Despite or we may even say because of his success and devotion in his job, Argus Filch soon had to get used to an ew position. His victims – if they were still able to do so – called for a nurse. Headmaster Dippet approached the Ministry again. Madam Pomfrey a young nurse was the result of this approach. On her first day of work she made it clear that she would discontinue her work if the school didn't abolish torturing. Headmaster Dippet not being the strongest headmaster did as he was told.
However, Argus didn't have to leave. He got the job of caretaker which had been vacant for some time and just in

  order to cheer him up he got a little kitten that he could torture in his free time. Well, no harm was ever done to little Mrs Norris as you will be well aware, dear readers. There was more than one good thing connected with this change in the life of Argus Filch. For once the school was really clean. Additionally, he had a small friend to play with. Furthermore, he had regular working hours now and therefore time to form a strong bond with another one of Hogwarts' primary rocks.
Among students it might not be so widely known, however, there is more than just friendship between Argus and Madam Pince. Watch closely and you will be able to uncover the secret glances the two lovers exchange. A happy ending after all.
We're afraid that this jolly series once more has reached its end, however, make sure to vote for the next best bad boy to find all about him during the next year of broom.

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Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow, Severus!

Travelling Tales 2009: A Lesson A Day Keeps Death Eaters Away

Spending a longer time in the Muggle world additionally spells that you also have to fullfill Muggle needs. One of the needs Muggles feel is to go shopping. Then again this need is much stronger in the female Muggle – usually.
In the Muggle world there are numerous sorts of difficult shops with big and small items which you can buy, steal or borrow – if we understand this principle correctly.
There's, for example, a whole family of 99p shops where you can buy anything from aplles to zodiac cups. We got one for professor Trelawney to read the tea leaves in it.
Practically, there is one shop for every wizard or witch you know! Take professor Sprout or Leslie Pagana Greenacre, they – no doubt – would move into one of the plant shops where
Yes, the red spot right in the middle is a ladybird! One of the very dangerous ones. photo: UF 2009
you can buy as strange things as fake flowers. We didn't get either one of these.
Food, which is always on our mind along with the second most important thing in the magical world, Quidditch, is offered almost anywhere in all sorts of quantities and states from raw to perfectly done.
However, there is one thing we were 		terribly missing: the owlery. We did write some postcards, millions actually, but with no owlery to be found what is to be done with them? We guess we will have to hand them out personally.
In the afternoon we went for a little stroll along the beach. We would have enjoyed this change greatly – and who knows we might have even considered to plant an ocean with a beach in our office – unluckily, myriads of ladybirds did not leave much time to think about this possibility.
And this, in fact, leads us quite nicely to today's lesson: You can or rather should not eat ladybirds – believe us, we tried. First, they are very crunchy which is quite nice, but then they get bitter and almost make you choke because of all the legs (six!) and the wings.

broom's Next Best Bad Boy

(Headquarters) The same procedure as every year and every year again around this time of the year one big event is approaching the magic and Muggle community: No, not Christmas, but the election of broom's Best Bad Boy.
Anyone of you who is a newly addicted reader of the magical world's favourite monthly magazine will not know what this fuss is all about. Let us throw some light onto the matter: Every year the readership of broom selects one out of a list of seven personalities who is to be awarded broom's Best Bad Boy. The list is provided by the hardworking editors of your favourite magazine.
Every year in December and it has been like this for centuries you get the list of 		seven extraordinary bad wizards from which you choose one in a secret election. The election process draws to a close alongside the old year with the birth of the new year, broom's new Best Bad Boy is born.
However, this doesn't only spell honour for the chosen one, but also means that he or she will get featured throughout the year in broom. Dear reader you will be enabled to learn all about the early and private life of the Bad Boy elect. Under the headline broom's Best Bad Boy Board you will find all sorts of interesting and even boring information about the past, present and future of the man himself.
Our hole team here at broom is		 constantly digging deep into the lives of anyone who is featured in broom, however, the Best Bad Boy gets a special treatment as we here at broom will not even consider to hush up some of the more horrible facts.
Make sure we don't miss your vote. Make sure you don't miss broom's Next Best Bad Boy!
And here is the list from which you can choose:
Brilliant Brian Cullen
Magnificent Mike Flatley
Sad Severus Snape
Horrific Harry Potter
Bad Bellatrix Lestrange
Foul Fenrir Greyback
Ghastly Greg Knott
Disclaimer: All names, characters and places are property of J.K. Rowling and Warner bros., except of those not found in the "Harry Potter" books and movies which belong to Ulrike Friedrich and Kirsten Seelbach. No financial and/or commercial gain is intended.