broom Breaking News

Chaos Comes Continually

(Cambridge) A cool catastrophe coincidentally collided with the called for Charms Competition. Countless Competitors contently came to cosy Cambridge convinced to collectively be cheered at by the cagey call girls and boys. Calm Canadians could cut in on a quiet campaign which cynically called for carefree canoodling on cardboard carpets. The capital carfare they had to pay in Caucasian cash. The certified chairman of the Charms Competition ceremoniously charged the callous Canadians. A chary charge-sheet can be cleverly copied in the

cheeky constable’s office. After casual coffee the charismatic chairman compendiously closed the chichi contest. The classical choir was completely consumed by the clear-cut consequences of a colossal Cheering Charm comically charmed by a clumsy clown. This continuing condition clearly closed down the courageous competition. Consequently the caddish coven couldn’t be carefully converted into a cosmopolitan contest but only caused convex chaos. After countless complaints it was completely cancelled. (MF)

Dashing Death Eaters Daringly Dance

(Devonshire) Dozens of dizzy Death Eaters delighted in dancing around debutant Devonshirers as they were dilettantely duelling in order to definitely define the most deadly Death Eater. Daft Death Eaters decisively deposited their derivable dactylogram on daft daffodils, deli dahlias and dainty daisies. Decrepit Death Eaters were de facto defeated by the dejected defence squad of the deluded Ministry. These delicious delinquents were directly delivered to a demon dolphin in dandy France to be

disadvantagely devoured and disaffectedly digested. The dishevelled dinner of the sort of disgruntled dinosaur was disgracefully disgorged again. The Death Eater dish displeasingly deemed to be disputably disqualified for the distinguished diet of a died out demon dolphin of which only a dozen are doubtedly divided between dull Devonshire and doggish Dartmoor. Don’t dare dreaming of dutifully dope your drivelling pet demon dinosaur with dumb Death Eaters, it won’t like it! (BC)

broom-e-gram

September 1 It might be a bit early, but the leaves are definitely turning a bit darker brown by now and fall down.
September 7 Luckily we found a charm to keep the leaves on the trees in our office. Permanent Sticking Charm!
September 10 Okay, so this Sticking Charm wasn't a good idea, as Professor Sprout told us and scolded us into removing it.
September 15 We've just been informed about a certain event drawing near. Two of our friends celebrate their birthdays on the same day! How could we forget?
September 16 Suddenly we are very busy preparing for a party. We haven't had a party in ten days!		  September 19 For they are jolly good fellows, for they are jolly good fellows, for they are jolly good fellows, and so say all of us!
September 20 Do you know what we don't like about a good party? Cleaning up afterwards.
September 28Oh no, the new month is coming on dramatically fast. We need an interviewee!
September 30That was a close cut, but we managed. We did get an interviewee nobody else has ever interviewed, which is really great. And we finished broom after all, although our dear equipment (Geronimo) wasn't working well at all. We defeated him - for this edition...

A Difficult Interviewee

Sometimes, when no person is either able to or willing to be interviewed by us, we settle on trying to find some creature which cannot refuse to be our next interviewee. Some, however, do prove a little reluctant in the event. Read how Mike Flatley interviewed one of the most dangerous creatures known to the Wizarding World: a mandrake.
MF: Okay, mandrake, here we go. I’ve got your from the Hogwarts greenhouses. Have you been living there all your life?
M: …
MF: Hey, you must answer when asked a question. Hang on, there was something Professor Sprout once told us about you mandrakes. But what was it? Can you help me, mandrake?

 M: (wriggles its leaves)
MF: I know, you can’t speak because your face is in the earth. So I’ve got to get you out of your pot. Can’t be too difficult, I remember we did it at school.
He takes a good tug on the plant and the little body of the mandrake’s root comes out and starts bailing at once. Needless to say, he drops down unconscious since the young mandrake’s cry is harmful.
BC: What’s that horrible noise? Where are my earplugs?
Then he finds Mike and the wailing mandrake on the floor.
BC: Oh, our fierce interviewee. Let’s see if I can get any information from you, mandrake.
M: WAAAAAAHHHHH

BC: That’s not really helpful, is it? Try talking to me and I might resist potting you again in no time.
M: WAAAAAHHHHH
BC: You had your chance, little git. Here’s your pot and enough earth to cover your ugly mug. There, done, and it’s pleasantly calm again.
Mike comes round slowly and sits up.
MF: What happened?
BC: You forgot earplugs. Remember, mandrake cries are dangerous. Lucky you nipped a baby one.
MF: Excuse me, I didn’t nick it!
BC: Yes you did, but that doesn’t matter. At least you taught our readers a lesson: never un-pot mandrakes without wearing earmuffs or earplugs!
BC&MF

You’ve Got That Magic Tape

(The Muggle World) Usually, there are only rare magic artefacts to be found in the Muggle world, however, we here at broom managed to stumble over one artefact which you can even buy. It’s quite clear that we would purchase it. And so we did.
Let’s describe it first: It is round, but also flat. It is small and has a hole in the middle. It’s made of plastic. It’s translucent and sticky. In short, it looks exactly like spellotape.
However, it not only looks like spellotape - and in fact smells like spellotape, it also seems to have the same function as spellotape:
You can use it to fix your glasses – if you’re Harry Potter. You can use it to fix your bandage – if you’re Hengist Alret. You can use it to fix your potion’s recipe to your cupboard door – if you’re Severus Snape. You can use it to fix your toad to the ground – if you’re Neville Longbottom. You can use it to fix orange flowers on your walls – if you’re Patience Wood. Or you can use it to fix the mouths of unnerving reporters – if you’re Anne Simmons.
We’ve just fixed this article to our desk and are now waiting for something magic to happen – anything:

 Worst case would be if the piece of parchment burst into flames. Best case would be if the article wrote itself. Either would make a great article without too much effort. We’re waiting…
…we’ve just returned from our tea break and a little chat with Geronimo. Nothing has happened yet. This seems to be rather strange magic or at least slow magic – very slow. Maybe the reason for this is that it is Scottish magic tape. At least we can read the word “Scotch” on it.
Hang on!…Yuk! This is disgusting. Urgh. Don’t put any magic tape into a glass filled with water. It’s simply horrible! At least now we know that it doesn’t turn water into Scotch – besides its name.
Obviously, the Muggles again named something “magic” because it is doing what it I supposed to do. Now we’ll remove our magic tape from our magic article and our magic desk. And we will just have to write the magic article ourselves! Magic Muggles! (Magical MF)

broom's Best Bad Boy Board

In the last month’s edition you learned all about Argus’ bad luck family-wise. Read on and discover all that happened during his time in London. Be thrilled. Be scared. Be bored – most likely.
Being a squib in London the magical capital is quite hard, however, being a stone broke squib in London the magical capital is horrible. And still poor Argus got it worse than that he was a stone broke homeless squib in London the magical capital.
He refused to accept any caretaking jobs in the thriving city. This time he went for the real thing: a magical job. He started work in the Charming Wand where he was responsible for tidiness. Yes, you’re quite right that couldn’t turn out right.
When he had lost this job, too, after he had snapped at every single customer, he applied for a job at the Ministry. And more surprisingly he got it. Well, it might be less surprising if you get to know that his cousin Walden had a  hand in this one.

 Walden in his short career had already become head-executioner for the Ministry and consequently could manage to find a snug post for Argus as well.
Argus Filch became torturer for the Ministry. He soon gathered fame for the most cruel punishments which could be ministered without magic and therefore could remain undetected. He was forced by anyone who had to face the Wizengamott.
He was very successful in his job and quite proud of his work, too. Sometimes you could even catch him while taking work home with him to enjoy a little private show with him to enjoy a little private show with his victim. The Ministry was quite impressed by his behaviour and promoted him to second-in-waiting-head-torturer.

If you want to know how he lived on and what other surprises life held in stock for him, especially how to become a victim himself, read on next month.

Crossword Puzzle

1        IV         
2 III          V      
3       XI    
4 X              
5         
6 I                VII
 7    
8 VIII                
9 IX          
10                 
11 II          VI
Across
1 autumn feast
2 season
3 done in a certain way
4 things you need to stay fit
5 very busy time for them
6 last month
7 best served hot
8 done every year
9 sort of summer
10 best served on bread
11 creamy drink		 Down
1 period when we get our crop in (two words)

 

The looked for phrase:

 

____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____'____  ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____,
I    II   III  I    IV   V     I     VI   VII  II   II   VIII  IX   V    VI   I

____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____!

I    II   X    II   VII  XI   I

Travelling Tales 2009: A Lesson A Day Keeps Death Eaters Away

Yesterday we re-discovered our feet, today we re-discovered feet-ache. Be that as it may we still enjoy our holiday by the seaside and our friends are still around. Their names are still known to the editors but won’t be revealed to the public due to the privacy act.
So, today we ventured forth to teach the world another lesson or rather be taught a lesson. In the morning we went to a beautiful park with millions of rhododendrons which were not in bloom because – well, actually we don’t know as we didn’t ask Leslie Pagana Greenacre yet.
Additionally, we were able to make a discovery – botanicwise that is: a dwarf mountain soft needle fir from Himalaya called Harald. Now, if you ever happen to stumble across this specimen in a park

then you can be sure to be in quite the same  park as we are now.
photo: KS 2009
Afterwards, we set out to discover more Muggle world peculiarities. The Muggle shops are full of the strangest things. Of course, we purchased a copy of Dumbledore’s knitting magazine.
You will be well aware that there are numerous, yes, almost endless lessons, you can learn on such a day out in the

Muggle world, however, we were quite satisfied with one lesson.
Therefore, we now first present a lesson which we didn’t learn: The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Actually, we would have happily acquired this piece of knowledge. Unfortunately, the apples in the park were not ripe yet.
Another lesson which we didn’t learn is: The next mushroom might be your last one. In fact, there was a comfortable number of mushrooms in the park. It’s almost a pity that we here at broom are in the possession of a huge school of mushrooms housing in our drawers.
Naturally, there was only one lesson left to be learned for today: Sweet biscuits help to solve conflicts. We’ll send Fudge in a box to Voldemort.
(BC&MF)
Disclaimer: All names, characters and places are property of J.K. Rowling and Warner bros., except of those not found in the "Harry Potter" books and movies which belong to Ulrike Friedrich and Kirsten Seelbach. No financial and/or commercial gain is intended.