broom Breaking News

Serious Scandal!

(Swansea) A serious scandal has been uncovered: Soap is slippery! Says soap salesman Stevie Smith: "Several severely soapy customers called to tell us they had savagely slipped in their beautiful bathrooms."
When I, the racy Rita Skeeter, began to investigate, intriguingly dangerous details surfaced from soap-bubbles. It seems as if 		soap has always been seriously slippery and thus dreadfully dangerous! Endless numbers of nerds and nitwits managed to break their bare legs and limbs! Soap - what a seriously slippery scandal! I must insist, nay, I must absolutely adamantly advise you, dear readers, to be very careful and not to slip on brutal bars of seemingly sweet-smelling soap! (RS - who else?)

Pink Primrose Perfect Plant

Studious scientists set on a secret survey finally found out that the most popular plant among peaceful people is a pink primrose. Dolores Umbridge delightedly uttered that the dull universe is carefully brightened up by a bit of colour. Perfect pink in particular powerfully produces positive feelings fantastically filling the full female or the most men. Many minds miraculously mend when mildly mixed with the cool colour. In wholly hopeless happenings your heavy head should be harmlessly helped to happy happiness. Purple plants were practically placed behind pink primroses, serious scientists say. Prosperous people publicly prefer pink plants whereas poor people privately prefer purple plants. Popular purple and preferred pink apparently appear to believably belong to the same sort of fantastic family. So keep in mind if your cute morale is clearly missing gloomily glimpse at a gleeful pink or purple plant and your merciful morale will miraculously move to the highest heights.
(ALL)

A Song for Rita Skeeter

Readers of this now wonderful magazine are always among the best informed - or at least will be from this month on as someone perfectly capable of composing a magazine has now taken over the leading role. Right, therefore now you will learn all about a song which was dedicated to the world's best journalist, recorded and sent to broom so that all the world can raise its voice and join in the choir. The text which will be presented to you below is sung to the catchy melody of Jeepers Creepers - whatever that means. Well, doesn't matter as long as it will make way for Rita Skeeter! Don't hesitate but clear your throat, oil your vocal cords and hit it bitch:
Oh Rita Skeeter/Where did you get your reader/Rita Skeeter/Where did you get those lies?/The guys all get up-/Set;

 why don’t you raise your cup?/Oh that Skeeter/The guys all get up-/Set; Why not forget those lies?/Oh jolly jee!/You turn your Quick quote quill on/Woa it’s she/Got to put my glasses on./Rita Skeeter/Where did you get your leader?/Oh that Skeeter/How did you get surprised?/Oh where did you get those lies?/Oh Rit-Rit-Rit-Rit-Rit-Rit-Rita Skeeter/Where did you get your leader?/Rita Skeeter/Where did you get those lies?/The guys all get up-/Set; why don’t you raise your cup?/The guys all get up-/Set; why don’t you raise your cup?/Jolly jee!/You turn your Quick quote quill on/Woa it’s she/Got to put my glasses on./Oh Rit-Rit-Rit-Rit-Rit-Rit-Rita Skeeter/Where did you get your leader?/Rita Skeeter/How did you get surprised?/Oh where did you get those lies? (ALL)

broom-e-gram
March 1 Everything's fine, as it seems. Spring is approaching faster and faster, and it's getting warmer, there's even a scent of violets - hang on... VIOLETS???
March 4 There's still that lingering violet-perfume in the air. Now it's even mixed with roses. It gets pretty disgusting in here. Strange...
March 10 Somebody has sent us a parcel full of pink and lilac cloth to decorate our windows. Help! We aren't in that line of trade, let us assure you!
March 15 Okay, now it's downright weird. There have been kitten frolicking in the office. And there have been blooming pink roses and light blue hydrangeas. It is really, really disgusting. Plus, there's a frog-green quick-quotes quill, which does come in handy.
March 16 Although a quick-quotes quill is fun to write with - this one isn't. It's so odd, it always makes sentences sounding like a cheap paperback novel full of kinky stuff. Who can be behind this all???		 March 20 There is a letter announcing that, since our money has run out of late, we are thrown out of broom's headquarters and have to make room for the new private offices of the Daily Profit's star reporter Rita Skeeter. So that explains the kinky stuff.
March 22 Not intending to leave we have no choice in the matter as it seems. Rita herself turned up with a load of suitcases and a horde of slaves to re-decorate and chuck us out. We left.
March 23 Ah, finally! My very, VERY dear readers, you have finally come to the point which you all longed for: a proper magazine, with a proper editor - me, the fantastic, the unique, the phenomenal RITA SKEETER!!!
March 29 Since my predecessors were rather negligent I had to draw up a whole new edition of this new, revised, better version of broom. I had to write all the articles in the proper style! Needless to say, it was my pleasure, and it was ever so easy. Enjoy it!

 

A Model Employee

(London) Although the Ministry of Magic suffers greatly from inefficiency, there are some model employees even I, Rita Skeeter, think worth to interview without wanting to accuse them of stupidity. One of these, currently the only one, is Percy Ignatius Weasley.
Read all about my encounter with possibly the only Ministry clerk able to understand and answer my questions.
RS: Isn't it lovely to have you here, Percy Weasley, assistant to Barty Crouch! I am so pleased to have you as my interviewee.
PIW:Thank you, Ms Skeeter.
RS:Oh, not so formal! Please, call me Rita.
PIW: Okay, then, Rita, it is nice of you  to ask me for this interview.

 RS:I am a nice person. You see, Percy, I do hope you will tell me the truth - you know, like in "the truth and nothing but the truth so help me God".
PIW:Er... I usually don't lie.
RS:Aren't you a cutie! Of course you don't lie. Someone as young as you are, and already junior assistant to the head of an important Ministry department - you must have really great skills.
PIW:Oh, I don't know if I do. It is certainly a bit unusual.
RS:Oh it is indeed. I mean, aren't you supposed to take over should Barty Crouch fall ill or something?
PIW:That is true, and I certainly am aware of my huge responsibility. My job means everything to me.
RS:Lovely! When did you finish your education?
PIW:Er... I did my NEWTs last year.		 RS:Merlin's beard, what a career! The Ministry must think very highly of you that they give you this job when there are presumably many more people suited for it.
PIW:Mr Crouch thinks I'm good at it.
RS:Sure he does. Percy, let me congratulate you on your brilliant career and thank you ever so much for this interview.
PIW:It was my pleasure, Rita.
A pleasure it was indeed for me! Honestly, the people in charge of staff recruiting at the Ministry are completely of their rocker. A responsible job like that isn't meant to be given to a mere schoolboy.
Let me assure you that I will keep you informed on all the Ministry's countless failings and mistakes.
(RS)

Travelling Tales

(Edinburgh – the last) Packed or rather loaded suitcases, several tons of souvenirs and a bunch of happy memories – what could possibly go wrong on our last day in Edinburgh? Everything? Exactly!
Late that morning the editors of broom commanded their slaves to carry down their luggage in order to check out. Checking out went quite well and indeed quite quickly and left our crew with a comfortable span of time to wait for the shuttle bus. No need to mention that they soon got bored...
The shuttle bus arrived on time. The driver was quite friendly – probably due to the fact that by now we were able to understand this strange language. Everything had gone well so far – only so far.
Our driver managed to waste some precious minutes on his way to the airport

by collecting another passenger in the middle of the town. Congrats for that! Fortunately, still in time – unfortunately, our plane wasn’t. The weather – perfect so far – had decided to extend our stay by covering the city with a heavy layer of fog.
This forced us to wait: a quarter of an hour, half an hour, an hour, one and a half hours. When we were sure we couldn’t make up any more silly games to enjoy ourselves the plane was there. It had popped up out of the middle of nowhere – not literally.

 Edinburgh Airport in fog       photo: KS		 The flight back was less than perfect but let’s not dwell on this. Back at home, it was hot, very hot. And somehow our luggage had gained weight. They were almost unbearable – literally. Sigh: Home sweet home. (MF)
Looking back longingly!      photo: UF

broom's Best Bad Boy Board

In the last edition you read about Argus’s reaction to the news that he wasn’t to go to Hogwarts or rather stay at as he was already there. And we also uncovered his first job. If you’re interested then read on to find out how he lost his first, second, third, fourth and fifth job.
Work in the docklands was no good for young Argus. He was constantly outside in the salty air which didn’t suit his complexion. One day when he was taking a rest in the shadows of a container – the inside shadows of a container, he was accidentally packed and taken to Southampton where he luckily was unpacked again.
In Southampton a new job was waiting for him: newspaper boy. He faithfully delivered the morning and the evening paper to any household in his area including those who had subscription and those who hadn’t. He, naturally, couldn’t tell the difference as he wasn’t able to read, he lost this job, too.
During his work as newspaper deliverer he had noticed that the streets in Southampton were extremely dirty, therefore he

applied for the job as street cleaner and got it. However, you might easily imagine this, he lost his job again.
Anyone who has ever met Argus Filch in person will know a certain quality of him: He constantly snaps at people. And anyone in Southampton who made the city dirtier knew. Being desperate again he went out to get drunk. The bar he went to was looking for a singer.
He applied and was engaged. Unfortunately after having sung the first note he was fired again. His next job is the most mysterious one – no one knows how he got it or why he thought he could do it, and still fact is that he started work as a shoe salesman. As mysteriously as he got this job he lost it again.
Having no money and a flat he had to find a solution for his problem soon and so he became caretaker for the house he lived in ensuring free living and a small salary.
Read in the next edition how his life changed when he had a regular job, a flat and a girlfriend.

Sudoku

 

1

 

 

7

 

 

 

 

8

7

3

2

9

5

6

4

1

 

5

 

 

 

 

 

7

 

7

6

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4

 

 

 

7

 

 

 

 

9

 

 

 

 

 

 

7

 

2

7

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3

 

 

 

 

7

 

 

 

8

 

7

 

 

 

 

 

This shouldn't be too hard, Severus!

Disclaimer: All names, characters and places are property of J.K. Rowling and Warner bros., except of those not found in the "Harry Potter" books and movies which belong to Ulrike Friedrich and Kirsten Seelbach. No financial and/or commercial gain is intended.