broom Breaking News
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(Brighton)
Badly bored British brutes bullied border ban clerks chasing them around the
cherished city. In the weary winter months, Brighton brutes are so badly bored because thrashing tourists and victimizing visitors is off the awful agenda. So border clerks, civilians and ban officers offer the optimized opportunity to vent vile anger. Brighton's mousy |
mayor moaned
the menace and attempted appeasing the attackers, which failed fully. A real
riot roared through the town instead and the brutes broke border bans
without second thoughts. So the bored brutes and the border clerks fought out their fight and found a way to reach reconciliation. (DD) |
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(Leicester) Lushious lawns are literally littered with lovely leaves now
that tired trees throw off all their attire. Lawn mowers moan under the mass of mad musty leaves lying lazily on their lawns. Bare branches bleakly point up to the silvery skies where cold clouds carry rain, sleet, hail or even |
snow. November has passed and now December is warily waiting for the winter to set in. Perhaps the bare branches of our thousands of trees will soon be covered in thick layers of sweet snow. We shall see what will be the cool case – in any case, think of buying Christmas presents pronto! (BC) |
broom-e-gram
| November 3 Doomsday was announced in the Daily Profit.
Hooray! We don't have to do a broom for next month. November 4 The Profit revealed that the Doomsday-report was based on information given by an unreliable Seer. So we have to do a broom after all. But we won't have to start until tomorrow! November 10 Doomsday still didn't happen. We fear we really have to a new broom. November 13 Slave riot! Nobody wants to write anything for the new broom unless the editors prove to be able to write. |
November 20 After a fabulous Quikspell-course, we
managed joint handwriting and convinced the slaves to work on. About time,
too. November 24 It snowed too early! Christmas is only due next month! November 25 The ink is frozen. Looks like it's Doomsday after all - but only here. How did the Profit know? November 30 Now we know: Ink can be put in the microwave oven. God save Muggle technology! And here's to us and broom! |
| (Azkaban) During one of our numerous short stays
in Azkaban, we formed a close friendship with one of the guards. You
wouldn't believe it, but they do almost everything for souls - the kind they
sell as bread in Swabia. Mike Flatley was the lucky one to go to a nice
reunion with a Dementor. MF: Hello, it's so scray to see you again. D: breathes loudly MF: Is it you? I brought you souls. D: nods silently MF: Have you started with your Christmas preparation for the little ones yet? |
D: tries to float away MF: I guess this means no. Well, me neither. So, what about the rumours that you joined Voldemort? D: something close to a smile formed on his invisible face MF: I guess this means yes. Will you help Voldemort take over the Ministry? D: enthusiastic nod MF: Will you free the imprisoned Death Eaters? D: tries a kinds of jig in midair MF: Soon? D: tell-tale silence MF: Where do you meet Voldemort? |
D: shows a map from beneath the ragged cloak and points at
Little Hangleton |
Travelling Tales
(Still Scotland) Being daring adventurers, we decided
to do the unthinkable: Brave the Scottish weather and go to the beach.
Since
the weather had played along famously well so far we were confident it would
stay as nice – and we were right! Walking along the beach, waves crashing on
the sand, sun above – that’s pure bliss. |
However, a simple beach holiday is nothing for active minds like us, so we
decided to do some culture in the afternoon. That is, after we enjoyed a
delicious outdoor lunch in Princes Street Gardens. From there, we went to
the Scottish National Museum. Of course you expect a lot of artefacts from a
museum, but such diversity in an architectural tangle is just overwhelming.
It was such fun to explore the history of this brave nation of warriors in
skirts! Actually there was some order in chaos, namely chronological and a
kind of topical order. |
But the best thing is that you can get lost in
history. You can see the cradle of James VI and turn a corner to find
yourself facing a guillotine. Oh, and a witch. Alright, not a real one, a
Muggle acting one of those poor Muggles who were falsely accused of being
involved in Dark Magic. There were more Muggle actors throughout the museum,
one of them talking an American family into agreeing to watch a 19th century
amputation of the father’s arm… We fled the bloody scene!
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broom's Best Bad Boy Board
| Roland Banks was on a mission: To find and watch Anne
Symmons, so that Voldemort would know what Anne’s dad Frank was up to. However, Roland had to find Anne first, which proved to be quite easy, for by chance he remembered that Anne and Patience had left Oxford in a hurry and had laughed about becoming Assistant Teachers. The only place where somebody like them would have become a teacher was, of course, Hogwarts, so Roland approached his old House Teacher Severus Snape and asked for the present whereabouts of Anne. Reluctantly and just because of being in earshot of the mad Bellatrix Lestrange, Snape had told him Anne was at Hogwarts indeed. Triumphantly, Roland went to visit the castle. He pretended to want to see his old school again, and was admitted without further ado by Filch the caretaker. Then he went and looked for Anne, although he clearly had no idea of what to do. The first old school fellow he met was a certain John King, who, being rather suspicious of old school fellows turning up (there had been a nasty incident after which David Bantam the Quidditch |
star was killed),
informed the Magpies at once. So Roland found himself facing his quarry in
no time – unfortunately, same quarry was accompanied by her two friends. It was really like being transported back in time, only there were no Vargas and Cook to help Banks. “I wondered where you had gone to,” Roland explained lamely. “Here. Now you know, you can leave,” Anne suggested, and Roland had no choice but to trot off. However, he decided to watch Anne’s moves closely. Soon he knew that she visited a house in Hogsmeade rather often, where the old Muggle Studies professor Emerson Dicket lived with his family. This information was highly valuable in itself, since Voldemort intended to round up all mudbloods and Muggle-lovers. Anne also visited the headquarters of broom – an information hardly valuable at all, for as you, kind readers, know, broom was raided every second week by Death Eaters or the Ministry in turn. This year, voting for the next Best Bad Boy will start in the Christmas edition. We really do look forward to your opinion. (BC and MF) |
The Lost Sandals
| Down in the Dungeons the climate was rougher than on
the upper floors but this was the place where Parry had to go first. Potion stood at the top of his timetable – well underneath Monday and his name of course (which by the way was misspelled: Hooter). He was not sure which door to open. There was door no. 1 which looked rather promising with its wooden carvings and the welcoming white paint. Door no. 2 seemed to be equally inviting – not carved but painted with a scene from a students’ exam. To Parry door no. 3 looked most suspicious. Hidden under a curtain there could not be much seen really. After two trials he decided for the right door which was the right door. He stumbled into the classroom and sat down in between Right and Gemioni. Yes, the classrooms had no chairs either. Each student and teacher was required to bring his or her own chair. So it turned. |
out that it would have been quite useful to
have gotten the chair on the first evening after all. As things had turned
out the first years had to watch Raghid carry around two chairs and think of
ways to trick him out of one of them. Parry and his classmates sat on the ground. Professor Cape entered. “Hotter!” He said suddenly. And ‘hotter’ thought Parry, ‘indeed, it could have been hotter in here’. “What would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood? Where would you look if I told you to find me a bezoar? What is the difference between monkshood and wolfsbane? And…” He glanced down at Parry’s feet. “…where are your sandals?” Parry hid his bare feet which had covered with dirt by now. No need to mention Parry could answer everything but the last question. “Thought you wouldn’t need a pair of sandals before coming to Wogharts, did you? But |
let me assure you fame isn’t everything. On the cold days you will
long for a warm pair of sandals when the snow is falling down and you have
to creep your way to the greenhouses to take care of ice flowers.” He looked
up. “Why aren’t you all copying this down? Dictation: I need a pair of
sandals which will keep me and my feet warm during winter and in the
changing weathers of autumn and spring and of course down here in the
Dungeons.” Cape might sound worse than he really is. He always tends to be a
kind of an evil show-off in the first lesson, but just remember he wants to
prepare your for life. The things you will learn down in his Dungeons – like
always possessing a pair of sandals – will get you far in the life which is
lying ahead of you. In the next edition you will learn how Parry tries to get hold of a chair after all and why he still could use a pair of sandals. |
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The looked for phrase:
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VIII II II III XI VIII