broom Breaking News
| Isn’t it a lovely month? Lovely weather, and so much to
celebrate – we wanted our share too and asked our slaves, co-writers, and
printers to make something up to celebrate. Sadly, none of them is as
creative as we are, so all they came up with was the following little
song, sung to the melody of “Love is all around”: We feel it in our fingers, we feel it in our toes, birthdays are all around us but yet nobody knows when that one day will be |
when they will be older. But we do love Brian and Mike and so
we want them to know: You know we love you and we always will, our minds
are made up by the way that we feel. There’s no beginning, there’ll be no
end – happy non-birthday to you, Brian and Mike! Yes, thanks a lot – you could at least have chosen a new melody, but no… (BC&MF) |
|
Here it is, the one gift for the holidays that keeps you entertained and laughing during long hours of travelling: the ultimate broom game, a card game based on the Muggle children’s game of Happy Families, where the aim is to collect sets of four cards. But our game can be played in other versions, too! Here, you’ve got the rules for the game. Follow the link below and print out the cards! Plus: You can design the cards’ backside as you want to. Enjoy! Version One: Sets of Four This can be played with 2-4 players. Each player gets five cards. The remaining cards are placed on the table. The aim is to get as many sets of four as possible and ending with no cards left on your hand. This aim can be achieved by sheer luck or by asking your opponents if they have got the card you need. If yes, they have to hand it to you. If no, you still got the option of taking up a card from the pile. First to end wins, of course – when there’s no card left, mind you! Version Two: Collecting Points Our broom cards have got special features, as you can see. This version can be played by 2-4 people once again. You choose one category that wins. Then you say the points of your card, and the one with the highest score wins. The person with the most cards wins the game. Caution! Where there are no asterisks (or hearts), there are different points! |
Abilities:
Status:
Version Three: Good Guys Win This works almost the same as version two, but here the points are doubled for the cards labeled Gryffindor, Order of the Phoenix and broom. Points awarded see above! |
Here's the link to your playing cards: Ultimate broom Game Cards
broom-e-gram
| July 7 The most magical day of the year (7/7), but
nothing happened. July 8 Having both torn the sheet from the calendar, we realized that today is actually the seventh. Still, nothing happened. July 13 We celebrated our fab magazine's fourth birthday with our slaves and our friends. Even some owls dropped in. July 14 We finally managed to make ourselves get up and have a look at the mail. Well - loads of howlers must have set off |
during the party. Lucky the music was so loud! July 21 We're off to our yearly holiday trip - okay, this time it's not to any distant, exotic country like Bavaria or the like, we stay in good old Scotland. July 28 We're back. Gee, there's no broom yet. When the kneazle's away, the gnomes will play. July 31 Harry Potter's birthday, and he's still alive. Odds are 10 : 0 he won't be this time next year. Want to bet? Contact Fred and George Weasley at Betfred and Georgebingo! |
| (Yorkshire) broom sent Mike Flatley to the
home of former Minister Cornelius Fudge to conduct an intrview about his
future plans, past ideas and also about Mr. Fudge’s current situation.
Mike met Cornelius and his beautiful wife Xantippe in
Skelldale. MF: The public hasn’t heard much about you lately. Are you still in politics, Mr. Fudge? CF: Yes, of course. I used to be a very close friend of Rufus, well, not that close, but still every now and then he would turn to me for help. MF: And then you’d turn to Albus Dumbledore to ask for advise as you used to do when you were still Minister of magic. CF: No, actually, I’m quite capable of solving other people’s problems. MF: And causing them. CF: Pardon? MF: Just an aside, sorry. Do you have any political position at the moment? CF: Oh yes, of course. MF: Well, which one? CF: Most of my time is consumed by being the head of… MF: …the head of what? Former Ministers for Peace? National Squib Support? SPEW? CF: This house. You see, there is a need of a lot of diplomacy to keep the peace and the quietness at such a big place. XF: CORNELIUS OSWALD FUDGE, YOU FORGOT TO TAKE OUT THE |
RUBBISH, AGAIN! MF: The quietness and the peace? CF: Yes, quietness and peace. XF: AND IF YOU EVER AGAIN FORGET TO TURN DOWN THE TOILET LID, I’LL TAKE YOUR HEAD AND DIP IT INTO THE TOILET BOWL! MF: And you’re the head here? CF: Yes. Oh, here cones Mrs. Fudge. XF: DID YOU HEAR ME? CF: Oh, yes, dear, of course… XF: WELL, WHY DON’T YOU ANSWER ME THEN? DO YOU THINK I’M SHOUTING AROUND THE HOUSE FOR FUN? CF: No, dear, I’d never… XF: WELL, WHAT DO YOU SAY THEN? CF: Your wish is my command, dear. XF: SO YOU WILL TAKE CARE OF THE RUBBISH? CF: Instantly, dear. XF: AND WHAT ABOUT THE TOILET LID? CF: I’ll remember to turn it down, dear. XF: AND DON’T FORGET THE TOILET BOWL! CF: No, never, dear. There she was. MF: Your wife is like an earthquake, short but a natural catastrophe. So will you return to the stage of world politics? CF: Yes, definitely. I’d do anything to get out of this mad house. Oh, please, don’t put down my last remark or else I’ll be locked in the attic for a week… MF: Sorry, but it seems my quick quote |
quill is broken, can’t do anything about it. |
broom's Best Bad Boy Board
| The year Harry Potter started at Hogwarts was
also the year that Professor Dumbledore began to think of security
arrangements around and inside the school. Thus, he called the Magpies
back in Potter’s second year – before they could finish their degrees.
That of course left Roland Banks alone among Muggles. Needless to say, Roland was not unhappy to see the Magpies leave. He didn’t care why or where they went, he was just happy to be able to plough on without their interference. Suddenly his academic merits shot up – okay, perhaps that was because his younger sister Seraphia sent him a brainyplant, the leaves of which can be dried and drunk as an infusion to enhance brain powers. But anyway, this one year was perhaps the happiest time in Roland’s life. In one month, he managed to write the best essay in his class on Tudor history, escape Daniel Rutherford’s inspections three times in a row and not once got a visit from Emerson Dicket. Admittedly, Emerson disliked visiting Roland a lot, so he left him working on his own most of the time. During this year, Roland also managed to find out what his school mates Ramon Vargas and Sebastian Cook were doing and considered contacting them. However, he did not find the time to do this. Never having been one to stand exams easily, he was thoroughly harassed when he found out that he would have to do the Muggle and the magical exams at the same time. The Muggle exams were tests set in the |
various subjects which had to be written and
oral exams as well. The magical exams, however, included not only an essay
about what the four years at Oxford had meant to the candidate but also
the solution of problems without magic. Those exams were held in London, at the Ministry of Magic, in the presence of Emerson Dicket and the head of the Department for International Magical Cooperation, Bartemius Crouch sen. Roland scraped through in the Muggle exams and thus owns an Oxford degree (How could that happen? We need a brainyplant, too!). But the magical part proved to be much more difficult. We managed to interview Professor Dicket about Roland’s essay and found out that it was not only full of spelling and grammar mistakes but also complete nonsense. So, the essay was a failure. That left the problem-solutions. One was opening a can of tinned ravioli without magic. The others were de-dusting a shelf, washing socks and sewing on a shirt button. (We think the Magpies would have failed there, too, but this is neither here nor there.) Roland – failed. After four years of more or less successful studies, Roland was left with an Oxford degree, which was totally useless to him since he still despised the Muggle World greatly and did not dream of pursuing a Muggle career. His magical career seemed thoroughly stuck since he had failed the decisive exam. So what was he to do? Read on in our next edition! |
The Moon Over Wogharts
| At home, an even greater shock than the abduction by
her cousin awaited Patricia Shaughnessy. The door was thrown open, and
there stood… “Father!” Patricia said in a low, incredulous voice. “Yes, my
child,” Richard Shaughnessy replied, opened his arms and embraced the
young woman tightly. He looked at Sean MacFee. “Are you prepared for the
hearing tomorrow?” he asked. Sean nodded grimly. “Be my guest tonight,
then, my Lord,” Shaughnessy offered. Patricia’s head jerked up. “My Lord?”
she repeated. “We shall explain later,” Sean promised and the three went
inside. The next day, there was a veritable crowd assembled in the Town Hall. Even Governor Whitewater had come for the spectacular hearing. He was accompanied by his son Crispin and his daughter Lillian. The young merchant Asher Devereux, who had been a guest at the governor’s house, was greeted cordially and was more than happy to meet his fair Lillian again. The board of judges was made up by the governor, Judge Cyrill O’Malley and Harbour-Master Quinn Dashiell. When the governor called for order, the crowd settled down and waited with baited breath. “The court calls the accused, Mr Richard Boyens,” the court secretary Joseph Hardy called loudly. Two sergeants led Richard inside. He was still wearing the clothes of last night, torn and dirtied. His eyes were bloodshot. A young woman gave a gasp when she saw the man, and her chaperone quickly took some |
smelling salts to calm her young charge down.
Quinn Dashiell stood up. “Mr Richard Boyens, you are accused of having
abducted your cousin, Miss Patricia Shaughnessy, in order to get her
inheritance into your hands as well as cover up the crimes you committed.
Those crimes are ordering the murder of your uncle, Mr Richard
Shaughnessy, the sinking of your uncle’s ship, the Lavish Lady, and the
wilful hiring of pirates. What do you say?” Boyens looked up. “I cannot
say anything,” he croaked hoarsely. “So,” Judge O’Malley leaned forward,
“so you admit to your crimes?” “Yes, I do,” Richard said. He was obviously
a broken man. “Good, good,” the governor said and gave Joseph Hardy a sign to write that down. But then Richard spoke up: “I may have ordered all the attacks, including the abduction of Asher Devereux, my cousin’s fiancé, but the real culprit who did my bidding is the infamous pirate Sean MacFee!” The crowd collectively gasped. The judge smiled grimly. “Ah yes. Yes, you remind me of something. Call forth the next witness, Mr Hardy.” “The court calls Mr Richard Shaughnessy!” Hardy cried, and this time the crowd erupted in talking and whispering. The supposedly dead merchant came into the room, and his nephew looked as if he saw a ghost. “Hello, Richard, you look quite deranged,” Shaughnessy said coolly. “My lords,” he greeted the board. “Mr Shaughnessy, we are very happy to see you alive and unharmed. How did you |
escape?” “Oh, I didn’t escape at all. I was captured
in the pirate attack in which my daughter heard my staged execution. I am
wretched that Patricia had to suffer so much, but it was necessary to
uncover my nephew’s crimes.” “You say you were captured?” Dashiell
enquired. “Yes. Mr MacFee told me of my nephew’s plans, and together we
planned how to set a trap for him. He treated me like a gentleman, and he
is a gentleman himself, as you, my lords, will know,” Shaughnessy
reported. “Indeed we do. Mr Shaughnessy, thank you. We shall hear Lord Sean next. Hardy?” the governor said, and Hardy called his witness. In came Sean MacFee, but he didn’t look like a pirate at all. “You are Sean MacFee, pirate?” Judge O’Malley asked. “I am that, and I am Lord Sean Cawdor, Secret Agent of His Majesty’s Navy!” Sean revealed. “So you are. We have the documents which prove that. You and your crew have been acting under King’s Pardon all the time. You have been very good to Mr Shaughnessy and Mr Devereux, and it is mainly due to your actions that we caught Mr Boyens before any real damage was done,” the governor listed. Sean only bowed silently. The end is quickly told: Sean and Patricia married so did Lillian Whitewater and Asher Devereux. Richard Boyens met his fate at the town gallows, where he was hanged and left hanging for some time to warn the real pirates. And over all this, the moon shone brightly. - - - THE END - - - |
7 | ||||||||
8 | ||||||||
|
| 7 | 9 | 4 | 8 |
|
|
|
Enjoy your holidays, Severus!
Myths and Mystifications
| In lack of a broad public which spends its time speculating about broom we here at broom decided once again to take care of things ourselves. Now we like to present our latest findings and rest assured that these are only myths and mystifications. Myth 1 Mike is a professing single: One of his girl-friends must have come up with this rumour! Mystification 1 broom was voted the best magical magazine: Rather a prophecy then a report! Myth 2 broom has only two employees: This gets repeated again and | again, we’ll send three employees to finally stop it. | Myth 4 Brian and Mike made this up to cover that they were one article short: We would never make anything up! |