broom Breaking News

                            Angry Death Eaters Eventually Dare to Draw out of Delighted broom

Elegant Death Eaters did elope out of bored broom high headquarters. Busy honeybees happily brought themselves back home. Brilliant Brian and marvellous Mike brightly made a magnificent bow managing to mischievously beg for their monthly magazine brave broom.
Avery and Ebony are equally aroused as every everyone actually asks what they were wildly wondering when they were wittily writing woeful words. Breathtaking Brian and mystic Mike bravely made becoming broom their own again. The original authors of overwhelming outbursts of outstanding 		originality only opened the dirty doors and dashingly typed another dizzying edition of your favourite magazine.
Many far away males and mile away females marvellously fought with mixed feelings when false men meanly found our fascinating magazine made foul. Right now that our real writers rashly return to reliable reading and ready re-lying, righteous readers ruefully rejoin our exclusive group. Gorgeous gaps will gladly be gapped by giddy guys. Vicious V. will win no more: Resistance rocks!
(ALL)

                            Popular Pentecost Publicly Paves Private Path to Perfect Paradise

Magic May marvellously makes militant men and mischievous maids maximally marked by the hilariously glorious Holy Ghost. however, generally hoped is that this Holy Ghost is not gone holy but genuinely whole for a holy ghost would not be guessed as holy while a whole ghost might be granted holiness. It will indifferently intervene on the eleventh in the interesting interactions of the idiotic inhabitants of this industrious earth. A fabulous fire will finally fall on the fine foreheads of the following fellows (in alphabetical order): Augustus Applebee, Barbra Beaufort, Celeste Coocaine, David Dee, Eduard Elwood, Ferdinand Faraway, Geraldine Gold, Holly Head, Iris Inwood, Jerry Jean, Karl Kerry, Laura Lee, Maggie May, Norbert Nighy, Oprah Octopus, Paul Peter, Quintus Quarrel, Reginald Rockwood, Stan Shunpike, Tess Toddler, Uriah Uge, Vivien Veigh, Walter Weasley, Xero Xocks, Yvonne Ymrie, Zen Zoo. So sorry should thy sane soul not have been scientifically selected for this certain success.
(ALL)

May Mess Mayhem

Many mighty Muggles might mischievously make May a mean month for most merry maids.
Magic May mildly marries male maids and female virgins. Therefore some sane survivors secretly think that this season’s third splendidly succeeds in satisfyingly sadden thousands of citizens: Marriage makes millions of men mostly miserable while willing women were viciously wronged. Lustful love listlessly lures us into brightly believing that beautiful bride and bashful bridegroom brilliantly bridge the giant gap between generously giving and ruthlessly receiving for the faithful functions are not sensibly shared but pesteringly put on one patient part of the pleasant pair. Sophisticated scientists seriously say that

convenient couples carefully complete the true task of taking turns in the taking of true tasks. Countless candles cannot creatively calm the caring counterpart if the insane inmate of the intimate igloo isn’t incorporatedly involved in the interesting interaction of insufferable investment. Interpreted investigations inside the inner ins of intimate emotional affairs actually offer an invading insight into the interrelated interior of a real relationship. Radical results rest relaxed in reliable resource books restlessly reserved for rare readers. Basically beware of this mean month of May perfectly placing your personal person into the joyous jammy fellow June.
(ALL)

broom-e-gram

April 3 It took us two days to clean up the mess caused by Fred and George Weasley’s April Fool’s joke. Thanks a lot! You should write some sports texts instead of setting up swamps!
April 7 We had those Ministry Death Eaters around, as you no doubt noticed. Urgh.
April 10 They’re still here, but they stopped eating anything we gave them. Pity. One of them looked quite cute as a big yellow fluffy canary.
April 14 Can you believe it? We, the world’s best editors, were asked to stay away from our printers and were not allowed to write. Torture!
April 15 Okay, now we know what real torture is. We won’t make any jokes about that.
April 20 The Death Eaters get a bit weary discussing with the 		printers, who went on strike once again but were hit by a Cruciatus Curse and cringed, spilling ink everywhere. Consequently, broom was printed. Black.
April 24 It’s time we get our own back. And we’ve got some nice ideas how we can achieve that. Just you wait!
April 26 Phase 1 of the big operation started. We hid the printers. Ha!
April 28 Phase 2: There’s no paper to be had anywhere. And we faked a letter by Pius Thicknesse to call the leader back. Lucky we can do his signature so well.
April 29 Phase 3: We attacked the remaining two guys, bound them up and chucked them out. Then we began reorganizing broom.
April 30 Oh yes, even though you will hardly believe it, we managed to get broom back under our control.

Interview with the Holy Ghost

(Holy Hole) Wholly, no sorry, highly interested as we here at broom are in the doings and undoings of the people in this world, we decided to meet a creature who lives out of this world to be able to wholly understand the holy theories and whole practices we’re facing every day. Therefore we sent wholly Brian (and that is the closest he’ll ever get to being sainted) to meet the Holy Ghost.
Brian: Thank you for being here wholly tonight.
HG: Well, it was on my way anyway.
Brian: Right, although you’re holy, you have a job, is that so?
HG: Because!
Brian: I beg your pardon?
HG: It is because I am holy, I have this job.
Brian: And was this the only criteria you had to whole-fill?
HG: No, to be wholly fit for my job, it is also necessary to be a spirit.
Brian: A whole spirit or would half a spirit have been enough?		  HG: A whole spirit is much better as he – or she – is wholly capable to perform the holy duty.
Brian: What I’ve always wanted to know, is this a whole-time job?
HG: No, on the whole I only work part-time.
Brian: And are there any holes?
HG: I beg your pardon.
Brian: I mean flaws.
HG: No, I’m wholly satisfied.
Brian: I have to say, you are very pleasantly spirited, does that come from being a Holy Ghost?
HG: I’m the Holy Ghost. There isn’t a soul in this world with the same job, you see.
Brian: Quite, however, you’re not out of this world, are you?
HG: You wholly flattened me now.
Brian: Wholly sorry, to fill the hole, would you answer my last question in a whole sentence?
HG: Right, my pleasant spirit – on the whole – has never changed. I’d say I was born wholly like that, only that

this argument would have holes as I’ve never been born.
Brian: Have you ever had contact to other spirits?
HG: Like angels?
Brian: No, like alcohol.
HG: No, I wholly missed it.
Brian: Now, although yours is only a part-time job, you have a very tight schedule having only a whole day to perform your holy duty. Say, where did you put your wings?
HG: There are no wings attached.
Brian: Oh, you can fly without wings then?
HG: Actually, I travel by train.
Brian: I see.
As this last comment almost made Brian speechless and he wasn’t able to ask any other intelligent questions – as if he ever was – and our interviewee had to make haste to catch his train, we broke the interview off at this point.
Thanks to anyone involved!
(All)

broom's Best Bad Boy Board

Roland Banks, unable to transfigure things and to remember as many charms as his fellow students, still managed to scrape through all the end-of-the-year exams and did not have to repeat a single year. Sheer luck, or perhaps some kind of fraud?
The most obvious explanation is that Banks crammed in as much knowledge as he could and relied wholly on the teaching abilities of Ramon Vargas. In truth, since Roland somehow managed to always get a pass, he must have had some abilities. We already hinted that Roland might have had some problems of showing his abilities because he was always hindered at showing what he really could do. But then, bullying is part of everyone’s school life, and he himself was one of the biggest bullies ever.
Perhaps that was to compensate his failures in academics and in sports, likewise. Roland Banks was to be pitied. Being in Slytherin automatically makes you a kind of leper, since all the other houses stand together in open rivalry against you. If you don’t have either the nerve or the abilities, survival won’t be easy. Thus Roland Banks had no idea how to deal with life after school. Nothing prepared him for standing alone, on his own 		two feet, without either Cook or, more frequently, Vargas helping him out of tight scrapes.
Every student knows the point in his studies (around the fifth year) when he or she has to decide what to do with their lives. Yet most have a faint idea of what they want to do. Our dear Banks didn’t have the faintest inkling of what he might be able to do. Selling things was difficult because Roland was more than simply awkward in dealing with people in general. Working at Gringott’s was extremely difficult – the goblins had very high expectations. The Ministry was no option for the son of a failed Death Eater. So what to do?
In short, Roland Banks was still completely at a loss of what to do when his NEWTs came closer and closer. The exams were an obstacle in themselves. However, worse was the ignorance of what lay beyond. Being forced to live upon ministerial support is definitely not a dream. So Roland was quite glad to be summoned by Professor Emerson Dicket, who asked him to join in a project to enhance the relations between the magical world and Muggles.
How Roland fared and why he really managed to get his NEWTs in the first run you will read in the next edition.

The Moon Over Wogharts

A few months before Patricia Shaughnessy began to have doubts about the sinking of her ship, the Lavish Lady, Richard Boyens had left the safe town and went by boat to Snapturtle Island, the infamous pirate hideout just out of reach of the militia. It was everyone’s dearest wish to rot out the criminal community that threatened the safety of every good citizen, but nobody had dared yet to attack. There was the risk of running into a fool’s trap as well as the sheer number of pirates. Word of mouth had it that the pirates outnumbered the militia three to one, and although the militia men were brave soldiers all of them, this ratio was considered much too hazardous.
Richard felt a little nervous as the boat, rowed by two grim-looking ex-pirates who both sported gross injuries, came close to the ragged cliffs of the island. Climbing a rope-ladder to the top of the cliffs, Richard had enough time to reconsider his plan. Was it right to pursue his goal that ruthlessly? But he shook off his doubts when he was led to the tavern with its two swaying lanterns right and left of the crooked wooden door. “This is the tavern of Mary Lambswool?” he enquired of his two guides. “Yup,” one said and nodded vigorously. “An’ the		  mistress hawaits yer,” the other added, trying hard to speak good English and failing spectacularly.
The tavern’s landlady held court in the warmest corner of the room. Extremely big and liking her food and wine better than her customers, Mary had made a fortune in selling pirates’ offices and getting part of the gains in return. She loved luxurious gowns and consequently needed a lot of cloth to cover her enormous body. Today she wore a frilly, lacy gown of green velvet. She looked like a satisfied spider, ready to pounce at its next victim but waiting for a wrong move before she attacked. Richard swallowed hard.
“So you are Richard Boyens, nephew to the merchant Richard Shaughnessy,” Mary greeted him. “So I am. You are Mistress Lambswool, I gather?” Richard asked and when he received a nod, he bowed graciously. “Your servant,” he said. Mary laughed her throaty rough laughter. “I doubt you are. What can old Mary do for you, Mr Boyens?” “I need a pirate ship and crew to capture my uncle and cousin, if she accompanies him. Oh, and if neither of them returns, it wouldn’t  grieve me a lot. And sink the Lavish Lady, the ship that is coming in with silk from India and tea from China,” Richard		  explained his plans. Mary leaned forward, her piggy eyes narrowing to slits in her fat face.
“Mr Boyens, such an office has its price. Are you prepared to pay half the gains of the sunk Lavish Lady’s load?” she asked. Richard frowned. “I cannot do that, mistress, for if I do not get the Lady’s profits, I cannot pay you!”
“Yes, Mr Boyens, but you cannot expect any pirate to act without being paid. The job is dangerous, after all, and Mary won’t send a crew to help you without security,” Mary said and leaned back again, seemingly bored.
A shadow came from a darker corner of the tavern. “I’ll take the job, Mary. Boyens can pay later when he has got his uncle’s house and goods.
Three hundred pounds of tea and one hundred pounds of opium are my price,” the man who had come forward said. Richard stared open-mouthed at him.
It was unmistakeably Sean MacFee, the most-wanted criminal in the Seven Seas. “Mac Fee,” he stuttered. Sean smiled coldly.
“So I am. I will do your bidding. Now leave and make sure nobody ever knows of your plans, Mr Boyens. Any syllable that reaches Mary’s ears, and a knife will hit you in the darkness!”

Crossword Puzzle





  
  

    
    
    
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Across 
1 does the sorting
2 where you should be after curfew
3 coldest place in the castle
4 necessary equipment
5 if you are able to turn into an animal
6 least favourite subject Ancient...
7 most charming teacher 
8 restricted
9 someone who cannot do magic
10 pets allowed at Hogwarts
11 students are sorted into ...
12 Ordinary Wizarding Levels
13 Hocus...
14 where students rarely go

    
      
Down 
1 magic institution
  
 




The looked for phrase:


____ ____V____ ____ ____ ____    ____ ____    ____ ____ ____    ____ ____ ____ ____!    
I    II    II   III  IV   I        V   I       VI    VII II      VII  II   I     VI



“Remember my Last, Petunia,” Was 
Said by an Awful Voice



  
  

    (Little Whinging) As careful readers of the Harry Potter series and as faithful followers of our monthly magazine, you will know that there are still some secrets which were neither uncovered by the creative minds of our editors nor by the authoress herself. broom will now venture forth to solve at least one of these mysteries.

    In 1995, shortly before Harry started his fifth year at Hogwarts or rather almost did not start it, his aunt Petunia received a brief but impressive howler. This howler read or rather shouted: “Remember my last, Petunia!” This – obviously – is not very telling and the addition concerning the author – an awful voice – doesn’t really help.

    Well, which criteria will help to find out the true sender of this howler: We’re looking for a person who calls Petunia Dursley by her first name. Furthermore, it is someone who has already sent a howler to her. Last but not least the sender has an awful voice. In the following article, we will try to gather persons who fulfil all of these characteristics.		
    
      
Anyone who has ever laid his or her eyes on broom – and if it has only been once – will know that our first choice for any deed is our professor Snape. Severus, as we like to call him in his absence, probably is on first name terms with dear old grumpy Petunia as they sort of grew up as neighbours. During this time he might have well sent her the one or the other howler. Regarding the last criteria we can only add that professor Snape does have an awful voice.

      However, there are some aspects which do not support our theory: No. 1 is that he would never care about the whereabouts of that Harry Potter. No. 2 is that Harry probably would have recognized his voice, too.

      The same, unfortunately, is true for most of our other candidates: Albus Dumbledore who will have read her letter and Sirius Black and Remus Lupin who will have met her at her sister’s wedding at the latest. Other candidates prove to be even more problematic: Molly and Arthur Weasley’s voices will be known to Harry and they are highly unlikely to have written a first howler, though it might 

    
      
have happened when they learnt that Harry had been imprisoned by the Dursleys.

      Obviously, there is another hot candidate: Grandma Longbottom. Harry might remember her voice, but he might just as well not. She is quite quick to 
      send a howler. No doubt she’d never hesitate to call Harry’s aunt Petunia. 
      Still, would that have been her second howler? Probably not.

      Of course, we would never end on such a sad and indecisive note, therefore we’d like to present one last candidate: Someone Potter. Quite obviously, we never came across anyone living by the same name – excepted Harry of course – neither did Harry. Consequently, he would never be able to recognize the voice.

      Is there really a mysterious Someone Potter? Is Harry Potter simply too dumb to recognize a familiar voice? Are Brian and Mike finally going completely mad? This and other secrets might be uncovered in one of the next editions of broom. (BC & MF)







Disclaimer: All names, characters and places are property of J.K. Rowling and Warner bros., except of those not found in the "Harry Potter" books and movies which belong to Ulrike Friedrich and Kirsten Seelbach. No financial and/or commercial gain is intended.