broom Breaking News
| Isn’t it a lovely month? Lovely weather, and so much to
celebrate – we wanted our share too and asked our slaves, co-writers, and
printers to make something up to celebrate. Sadly, none of them is as creative
as we are, so all they came up with was the following little song, sung to the
melody of “Love is all around”: We feel it in our fingers, we feel it in our toes, birthdays are all around us but yet nobody knows when that one day will be |
when they will be older. But we do love Brian and Mike and so we want
them to know: You know we love you and we always will, our minds are made up
by the way that we feel. There’s no beginning, there’ll be no end – happy
non-birthday to you, Brian and Mike! Yes, thanks a lot – you could at least have chosen a new melody, but no… (BC&MF) |
|
(Godalming, Enland) Mad Mary Toft testified to being probably pregnant with
real rabbits. |
to know how she became a revered rabbit mum. Second, the story surfaced in the
18th century – just a little before our time, wouldn’t you agree? So, sadly we
candidly confess to have been dumbly duped by a former fraud with pecuniary
piques who landed herself in prison. (MF) |
broom-e-gram
| August 3 Lucky we can decide what weather we have in our
office-garden! Outside the Dementor-fog is getting ever thicker. Urgh. August 8 Talking of Dementors: Have you already met a stray one? If you do, use a Patronus Charm. Even the most feeble Patronus helps - we tried it. August 14 Our Headprinter Geronimo went on strike today. He was of the opinion that a decent printer would never print the "name of the Dark Lord" - VOLDEMORT. |
August 15 And who gave our illegal activities concerning charms, jinxes
and counter-jinxes away, Merlin's pants?! The Ministry morons came around
again. That's the second time in two months. Perhaps we'll fit up a spare room
for them, so they can stay the night. August 20 Florish & Blott's announced a sale on school books today. Just so all of you Hogwarts firsties know. August 31 Another month over. Let's see how we fare the next weeks - and how often we're searched... |
Downing Street No. 10
|
(London) As most of you will know, Brian Cullen and Mike Flatley like to
venture into the Muggle World. But some of us, the magical people, really work
in the heart of Muggle power. One of them is Kingsley Shacklebolt, Auror and
currently secretary to the Muggle Prime Minister in Downing Street No. 10.
Mike Flatley met Kingsley to talk about Muggles, disguises, and Voldemort. MF: Kingsley, it’s great you found the time to talk to us. KS: It’s a pleasure. MF: What’s it like, working for the Muggle Prime Minister? KS: It’s at the same time boring and dangerous, you know. On the one hand the work is tedious since you’re not allowed to use magic too openly, so things take a long time. On the other hand I still work faster than the average Muggle. MF: That doesn’t endear you to your colleagues, I bet. KS: (laughs) Yeah, well, it actually does | because
I always offer to do the tasks nobody else wants. MF: Great idea. Did you get a kind of profile before you started work? KS: Only a rough one, since nobody knew exactly what Muggle ministry officials do. We did consult Professor Emerson Dicket, who is the most renowned expert, however. MF: So you had to be really careful, right? KS: Definitely, yes. But as an Auror you get used to adapt to all situations, no matter what they are. MF: Other Aurors are working to find Death Eaters, and of course Voldemort himself. Do you feel like being sent off the field? KS: No, on the contrary I fell like being in the midst of things. The attacks have so far been directed towards Muggles. We fear that Voldemort will take over the centres of power both in our as in the Muggle World. So it’s absolutely vital to have someone on the watch. MF: I see. Kingsley, what is the Prime | Minister like? KS: He’s been informed of my being a wizard. But… He’s a bit awkward, and people make him responsible for all the catastrophes happening. MF: But that’s unfair! It’s not his fault, is it? We can blame our Minister, but if anyone is innocent, it’s this Muggle! By the way, what do you think about our campaign to replace Scrimgeour with Arsenio Crumlum? KS: I’m working for Scrimgeour, and he’s been my direct head for years. You can’t honestly expect me to give a statement on your campaign. MF: Well, no, if you phrase it like that. Anyway, we wish you good luck in Downing Street and a good time. Thanks for the interview, Kingsley. KS: A pleasure. broom sends regards to the Muggle Minister, too, by the way. We heard there are going to be elections with you soon. Perhaps Arsenio should rule you Muggles, too, would be fun. We’ll think about a campaign! (MF) |
broom's Best Bad Boy Board
|
After getting out of Hogwarts with his friends, Sebastian found himself all
alone because his two friends went on their separate ways. He went a
completely unusual way for the average wizard, but not for the son of a Muggle
plumber and a witch who was quite content blinding in with her Muggle
neighbourhood: Sebastian started as a greengrocer’s apprentice. It was only too easy to understand that Sebastian lost contact to his wizard friends from school. Unlike other magical folk, Sebastian was easily adjusting to the Muggle World. After all, it was where he had grown up and he had never quite forgotten his childhood. He even made contact again with old buddies from primary school. One of them, a certain Jeff Adams, even lived in Dulwich and so they shared a flat. Work was fine with Jeremy Goodall, the ancient man who ran the local greengrocer’s. Sebastian enjoyed his life and would certainly have lived happily ever after without ever being made a Best Bad Boy if there hadn’t been a visit. A visit by an old school mate that Sebastian could not have foreseen. It was not likely, after all, that wizards looked up addresses in the Muggle World. During the years that prepared the reappearance of Voldemort, nobody would have thought of it anyway. There was no need to form ranks or contact buddies for help. But seven years after |
school had ended, with Sebastian being now Jeremy Goodall’s valued assistant, times had changed completely. Voldemort was
back in life – at least to six-seventh he was. His followers were rallying
around him, and possible new Death Eaters were contacted. Therefore, Gregory Nott took the time to drop by the Muggle greengrocer’s. Normally he would have despised entering a Muggle shop, but it was on the Dark Lord’s orders Greg went to buy bananas. Jeremy Goodall very rarely went out to meet customers these days. He enjoyed sitting in the back room, drinking tea and chatting with the neighbours who came to visit him. Sebastian turned around when the bell announced a customer and was surprised. Greg Nott began explaining his errand when Jeremy Goodall entered. Sebastian tried to make the old man go back to his teacup, but Jeremy eyed Greg suspiciously, then addressed Sebastian: “If you’re in trouble, sonny, tell old Jeremy.” It was the last thing Jeremy ever said. Greg Nott saw the chance to blackmail Sebastian into service, for he knew no better way to overcome initial reluctance. He killed Jeremy, and Sebastian had no means of stopping him. If you want to know what happened next, stay with us next month! (BC&MF) |
The Dark Suckers
| (Muggle World – and perhaps Wizarding World, too) Did
you hear about Dark Suckers? No? Then read on and learn what they are. It was a very interesting moment when we found this curious article on darkness and light. Of course you all know that there are things which make rooms lighter. But there is a theory that those things don’t really emit light but suck in darkness. That applies to everything from candles to fireplaces to bulbs. Darkness is also faster than light – much faster, for it flees dark rooms so fast you cannot even see it go out, you only see the light creep in. It’s also heavier than light, it sinks to the bottom of lakes and so on. This theory is quite good, and we here at broom decided to apply it to our particular kind of darkness. Dark Magic can be sucked up by the forces of white magic, that does sound good, doesn’t it? But is it something that can happen? Well, not literally, for we’re not vampires who suck blood from vicious | wizards and witches. But we could try to eliminate
the dark forces, of course. That darkness is heavier than light can be our advantage in the end, for if they are heavier they cannot move fast enough and we’re always a step in front. Unfortunately that is contradicted by the assumption that darkness is faster than light. But then we read the original theory again and found that it only flees faster than light. That’s good. Let them run and hide, good idea. As long as they don’t creep out again faster than light we’d be quite happy to have them flee. Of course all this is just rubbish. We can do what we always do, resist as well as we can. Oh, and if you want to you, can call those idiots wearing skull-masks and saying “Yes, master” and “If you wish master” because it’s so much easier to follow orders than to think for themselves, “Dark Suckers”. It’s the perfect word for them. Resistance Rocks! (BC) |
The Moon Over Wogharts
| Patricia had
not much time to be unhappy once she had been sent home to look after her dead
father’s belongings. There was much to have a look at, and she was glad to
have her cousin Richard at her side to help her. Richard was a merchant as
Patricia’s father had been, but he had never been an honest man. Patricia knew
nothing about this and trusted young Richard without asking questions. They sat together in the small parlour, heads bent over leather-bound larders full of figures, and Patricia tried in vain to keep everything Richard told her in mind. “And you see, this is what Uncle used to pay for his silk – and this is what he gave to you, to make yourself a new dress, while he sold the rest for twice the price he himself had been charged. That’s what you got to do as well,” Richard patiently explained. Patricia groaned and rubbed her temples. “That’s so much to remember,” she confessed. Richard smiled and his hand began to caress her shoulder. “No need to worry, fair lady, I’ll be there to help.” “I’ll have to pay |
you, Richard – you’re not the heir, that’s me,” Patricia stated dryly. The
caresses ceased and Richard coughed. “Indeed. And once you’re married, your
husband will be the heir.” He grimaced. “What was the bloke’s name?” “I think
it was Devereux, Asher Devereux,” Patricia replied. “Yes. He will come
here, as I’ve been informed, to claim your hand. If he isn’t intercepted by
pirates, that is,” Richard said and his brow furrowed. His hand sneaked
towards Patricia’s neck again. “You must accuse the pirates of murder and
theft, and you know that. And abduction, too,” Richard implored. Patricia
shook her head. “I can’t. They would kill me, and yes, I am sure they will
find me.” They would find her, and they would identify her – by the medallion Sean MacFee had given to Patricia as a token. “Patricia, you should choose carefully. If this Devereux doesn’t treat you like a lady, don’t marry him,” Richard said warningly. Patricia took a deep breath, then laughed. “Richard, Richard, and that |
from you who enjoys the company of all the whores in town by night!” “But I
treat them like ladies, Patricia,” Richard said earnestly. “And it’s the way
you treat a woman that is decisive.” All that talk, and Richard’s hand, had made Patricia sad beyond measure. To marry, when her heart belonged to the sea-faring Sean! To endure cousin’s caresses when her skin yearned for the accomplished fingers of a lover! It was a nightmare, endured while she was awake. That night she lay awake for hours, listening to the seagulls’ cries at dawn. Suddenly a scraping sound made her wide awake. There was someone climbing up the wall, no doubt. Who could that be? Patricia jumped out of her bed, grabbing her dagger fast, and sneaked into the dark corner just next to the door. The window creaked when it swung inside, and a tall dark figure entered. “Stop or you will meet your death,” Patricia said boldly. A laugh was her only answer. “It is me, little fool,” said Sean MacFee. |
Sudoku
We believe in you, Severus!
Hit By A Bludger
|
Appleby Arrows Archly Advance on Wimbourne Wasps |
leave the pitch. |
were victims to either Blatching or Blurting, so that they needed all their
flying skills to keep on course. However, the referee did not let this pass
unnoticed, and the penalties should have made the difference even greater, had
not brownbeat in his turn Blagged Wasps Beater Myers. The ensuing penalty for
Wasps was a score, and as if flabbergasted, the Arrows Keeper Hatchling lost
her grip completely. Four more times Wasps were able to score, when at the
very second the fourth Quaffle went through the left Arrows goalpost Wasps
Seeker Kevin Connors caught the Snitch. Wasps won, in our opinion,
undeservedly but closely. |