broom Breaking News
| (Berlin) In a rare reaction, reporters realised that the
German Minister for Agriculture might be a vicious vampire. Perilous proof
of this has now turned up. Riotous rumours have been flying about for some years now, but so far nobody has ever been able to find facts for the assumption that the meagre Minister might be a vampire. However, the terrifying topic turned up in a main meeting of the German parliament. Although the popular president told the assembly at once that the Minister was not a vampire at all, strange facts must be taken into account: - the Minister likes to be out and about at night, but has rarely |
seen daylight lately - the Minister has repeatedly been accused to suck out the blood of the population (although this might have been a cruel metaphor) - the Minister looks pale and prefers to wear dark suits (although this might be just a Muggle habit – most of their politicians seem to prefer dark colours) However, we here at broom advise you fervently to fear and fly vampires as soon as you see them. Keep well away from any suspicious spectre! (ALL) |
|
(Peterborough) Unnerving
undead people were sighted sliding up the streets of Peterborough. For
fear of evil Inferi-attacks, Peterborough people stayed securely in their
homely houses. |
more mildly moronic Ministry officials at once assumed the industrious involvement of Mundungus Fletcher, it was quite quickly asserted that any kind of mischief missed the point. Peterborough was invariably invaded by unnerving undead people prowling its stylish streets. So the Ministry of Magic makes us presently publish the wary warning to avidly avoid Peterborough. (ALL) |
broom-e-gram
| July 2 Our roses are particularly fine this year.
That's especially nice for Brian who uses to give them away to all his
girls. Oops, sorry, Brian, now everyone knows you're cheating on them...
If you're lucky, the girls don't mind. July 6 It's really sweet, in all senses of the word: Arsenio sends us chocolates on a regular basis. However, he told us he's been having some qualms about taking over the Ministry. Folks, support him, we need a man like him! July 15 Could the Ministry stop harrassing us and start |
pestering the real bad guys? We mean, how often do they want
to search our office?! And we heard they searched Xeno Lovegood's office,
too. Honestly, haven't you morons got more important things to
do? July 21 Now even we realized that there is a war going on - and does anyone think the Ministry infiltrated? Of course, we've been suspecting that for years... July 31 "Happy Birthday" to Neville Longbottom and Harry Potter! |
"But You Know How Much I Like Kids"
| Interviewees can be roughly divided into the following
categories: the dumbwits, the nice ones, and the downright scary ones.
Brian Cullen took up all his courage and decided to meet one of the most dangerous creatures running around: Fenrir Greyback. BC: I’m in a kind of clearing here, in a forest somewhere in Britain. Actually, I’m quite glad that it’s not full moon – and I did ask our Moon Child about that to be really sure. Ah – there is my interviewee. Mr Greyback, my name is Brian Cullen. FG: Is it, then? I do not particularly care. BC: Um, yes. Mr Greyback, you are a werewolf, is that right? FG: Yes. And I’m damned proud about it, too. BC: Proud! Most people are really afraid of becoming infected, because you get all shunned when you’re a werewolf. You |
get no job, no flat, no friends… FG: Yeah, but you get something infinitely better: power. BC: What kind of power, sir? FG: Sir! Ha! I have the power of fear. Of terror, even. Most people are reduced to wailing wimps when they are facing me. BC: Rumours say that you even attack when it isn’t full moon. FG: That’s right. You do develop a taste for human blood with the years. BC: Urgh. Do you, er, have any preferences? FG: But you know how much I like kids, if you ask like that. BC: I did hear some rumours about that, yes. Is it true that you specialize in biting children to rear an army of a kind? FG: Oh yes, an army of the best kind: strong, powerful, threatening – and numerous. But all, of course, for the Dark Lord! BC: Why? |
FG: He is no hypocrite like rest of the Wizarding
World. If he dislikes someone, that person or group will be persecuted
openly and ruthlessly. I prefer such a direct approach to solving such …
problems. BC: Indeed. FG: Yes, and most of my fellow werewolves are of my opinion, no matter what the fool Remus Lupin is preaching. BC: Um, oh, I see. Well, I think I must be going. Thanks for your time. FG: You might be a bit too old for my taste, but I think you should join our number… Only with a considerable portion of luck, Brian managed to Disapparate and escape without having been turned into a werewolf. He wants to warn everybody, however, that Fenrir Greyback is a deluded maniac and therefore doubly dangerous. (BC) |
broom's Best Bad Boy Board
| Sebastian Cook had a hard time at Hogwarts,
struggling to keep up his image as the Death Eater-offspring he definitely
was not, trying to keep pace with his fellow students and at the same time
maintaining a cool appearance against Gryffindor students, most notably
the Malignant Magpies. He failed in everything, or nearly everything,
because it obviously never leaked out that Sebastian is a m******d, until
now. Oops. Sorry. Well, the N.E.W.T.s approached with alarming speed – the more alarming for those students who were not the best witches and wizards. Sebastian Cook was in a veritable frenzy until he was called to Snape’s office once again. We may safely publish the following since dear Severus has lost his job anyway – although, concerning the alleged murder, innocent until proven guilty! – and isn’t likely to return to teaching. Snape offered Cook to help him get through his exams. It seems as if Avery was exerting a certain pressure even from within Azkaban, using the additional peer power provided by Lucius Malfoy and his gold bag. Be that as it may, Snape effectively helped Cook to cheat his way through the N.E.W.T.s, and did that so cleverly, that nobody ever noticed. Of course Cook did not do brilliantly. Far from that. He very nearly had to repeat his final year. But he got through, and suddenly found himself all alone. Ramon Vargas was off on family business, Roland Banks was doing Muggle Studies at Oxford. Sebastian Cook travelled home and was |
met by Philomena, Colin and Athena with
affection and subdued pride. For some months, Sebastian reputedly did nothing. Perhaps he continued his studies of the Dark Arts, perhaps he simply dozed into the day. Whatever he did, there is no record of it, and he certainly never did magic in his house or the Ministry would have leapt to get a hold on him. For by then, the Ministry were highly suspicious of the strange circumstances that helped Cook getting a place at Hogwarts. However, they could never proof anything dodgy. Now you can, by the way, you morons at the Ministry. Get going! Philomena watched her son sitting dully at home for some months, then decided it was enough. There was no relaxing any longer. She took matters into her competent or not so competent hands and began to cut out job ads from the local newspapers. It was a pity those ads came from Muggle newspapers and consequently did not include Wizarding jobs. Perhaps that was all the better since Cook had not really succeeded in getting good exam results. In the end he ended up being an apprentice at a greengrocer’s in Dulwich. His name was (yes, was, we’re not joking) Jeremy Goodall and he was already very old. He needed an apprentice to get on with his small store. Sebastian liked him and liked the work and yet, he was the means of Goodall’s downfall. How and why this happened you will get to know when you read on next month. (BC&MF) |
Sing Along - the Muggle Way
| (The Muggle World) Shortly after the change in the top job
of Britain's Muggle world, an old song is about to become a hit on the
national charts. Brushing through the Muggle department of our local library, we stumbled over a very interesting song which has almost knocked us out of our shoes. Lately, as you - even as a witch or wizard - might have noticed, especially if you are a regular reader of broom, there is a new Prime Muggle Minister. However, this must have been foreseen by a certain Mr. The Stranglers. Already in 1981 he has published a song which title echoes the name of the new Minister. As we are always keen on learning things about politicians (especially facts which help us to get rid of them again), we listened in to it. But what was revealed? Texture like sun - well, we don't usually choose our politicians by looks. Otherwise, Glenda Lockhart would have been Minister for Magic for many years now. Lays me down - so he's like all other politicians in this |
respect. However, no need to fight and never a frown does make
a difference. Then again, what are we or actually anyone to make out of the following lines: Every time, just like the last/On her ship tied to a mast/To distant lands, takes both my hands? Alright, we have already learnt that Voldemort likes to be referred to as she - but who wants to be compared with him, sorry her? And why, Merlin knows, is the poor guy tied to a mast as usual? We're at a complete loss here? And does he, sorry again, she intend to only take our two hands to a distant land while leaving the rest our bodies back here in Great Britain? Additionally, we get to know that he is a tempter and that he is, for some reasons, heading west (probably with our two hands if anyone misses some), perhaps he wants to reach the US as a sort of a 50-something state - nothing new here either, so at least we have been told. Fortunately, it won't matter, he's only staying for a day - hang on, shouldn't that be over by now? (BC&MF) |
The Moon Over Wogharts
| Patricia, when left alone, began immediately to look
for a weapon to use if Sean MacFee should return. There was nothing.
Nothing at all – unless she counted her own appearance. Yes, that could be
a nice weapon! Patricia carefully lowered the neck of her dress a bit and
loosened her hair. Sean came back, sure enough, but he did not pay heed to
her new fashion. “Patricia, do you feel hungry?” he asked perfectly unconcerned. “Yes,” Patricia answered and found to her surprise it was true. They had dinner together, then Sean leaned back and looked at Patricia, appreciating the marble arches of her breasts protruding from under the velvet of her bodice. “You are a sight, Patricia,” he marvelled, smiling in a rather boyish fashion that was very cute. “Am I?” Patricia asked coquettishly. “Yes. And you know it. You’re playing with the fire, girl,” Sean said lazily. “No – I do not think so,” Patricia said, giggling slightly. “You are too young and inexperienced yet – we can change the last thing, we shouldn’t change the first,” Sean decided, rising and coming over. He took a strand of Patricia’s hair and curled it around his finger. “So beautiful. So innocent and sweet,” he murmured, then bent to kiss Patricia’s neck. She shivered. Sean’s breath was so nice on her skin, and he was so strong, now softly turning her head so that he could look into her |
eyes. “Patricia, you are the greatest gift I could
ever get in all my life,” Sean declared and lowered his lips onto
Patricia’s. A protest, even if Patricia had been able to protest or
thought about it, was impossible. As soon as her lips touched Sean’s
everything was lost. Patricia felt a passion rising into her she had never
known before. Sean seemed to feel her reaction and responded, turning his
head slightly and exploring her mouth with his tongue. At first Patricia
thought she would have to choke, but then she learned how to deal with
Sean’s tongue caressing hers. Sean softly released her and looked at her
face. “My dear lady, are you sure you know what you are doing?” Patricia
smiled blissfully. “I do – oh, I do know what I am doing! I love you, Sean
MacFee!” He laughed, a deep laughter, sending shivers down Patricia’s
spine. Sean began to open the ribbons that held Patricia’s bodice
together. He had already freed himself from his shirt. Where his skin was suntanned, hers was as pale as ivory. He pushed back her hair, and she leaned forward, against his warm chest, feeling his muscles work and his heart beat. He let himself fall onto the back and pulled Patricia with him. Laughing they landed on the bed, and Sean began to kiss Patricia’s skin, and she began to explore his body with her fingertips and hands. Sean’s lips wandered down to Patricia’s |
breasts, kissing them softly. Patricia gasped
surprised. Her hands grabbed Sean’s hair as he kissed her belly and
then…Impatiently Patricia pressed against Sean who smiled and turned,
bringing her to lie on her back on the bed. He halted for a moment, taking
in all her beauty, her slightly flushed cheeks, her heavy breathing and
her eyes that were gleaming like stars. An abundance of dark hair curled
across the pillows. “You are a miracle, Patricia, my little captive,” Sean
murmured, then sank down onto her body softly. His hands never stopped to
caress, to soothe, to arouse Patricia’s passion. Then Sean waited – waited
too long for impatient Patricia who began to move, too fast, too hasty,
but he calmed her down until they had found a rhythm that led them up the
steep path. Patricia’s head was thrown back into her neck, her eyes wide
open in ecstasy. Sean had no thought left for her beauty when the stars
seemed to fall down onto the earth in a firework of passion. The next morning they reached Plymouth, where Sean let Patricia go. She would have loved to stay – on the ship, in his arms, but she could not. She had to leave. Reluctantly she walked down towards the firm earth. Sean’s eyes were burning on her back and she turned to wave. He waved back, then called: “If you’re unhappy, come to Sean MacFee, my arms are open for you.” |
Crossword
| 2 | ||||||||||||||||||
| 1 | II | 3 | 7 | |||||||||||||||
| 4 | IV | 5 | 6 | 8 | 9 | VI | ||||||||||||
| 10 | ||||||||||||||||||
| 11 | V | |||||||||||||||||
| 12 | 13 | |||||||||||||||||
| III | ||||||||||||||||||
| 14 | ||||||||||||||||||
| 15 | I | |||||||||||||||||
|
Across |
Down |
The looked for phrase:
____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ! I II III II IV V I IV V VI II I
Editors' Corner
|
Steady, But
Ready |
can cost your life. You don’t have to use the
Unforgivable Curses, but practising them might come in handy. |
security. |