broom Breaking News
| (Wizarding World) Arsenio Crumlum, eagerly expecting to
conduct a cool campaign, can really rely on precious popular help. After the announcement of his appearing on the political parquet, masses of Muggles and wizards alike declared their avid allegiance to Arsenio. Savaging Scrimgeour’s power |
purposefully has become a brilliant pastime, and the outstanding Oxfordian is the centred of resistance. broom, of course, helps to
co-ordinate common support for sweet-master Arsenio. Contact us to give your
name in favour of the best possible Minister for Magic! Resistance Rocks! (ALL) |
|
(South Sea) A new fabulous form of life has been found in the dark depths
of the South Sea. The secrets of the strange sorcery shell will be the
sensational subject of scientific research for many months. |
had detected a dreadfully sensitive sorcery shell,” perplexed Professor Pendragon explained eagerly. Sorcery Shells are a secluded-living species that is able to transform into a thousand different creatures at once. It is extremely difficult to detect and even harder to hold on to. Therefore Professor Pendragon left the sorcery shell where it is. Visitors to Lake Lassiter intending to swim are warned not to dive deep into the wild waters – the shell can attack them. (DD) |
broom-e-gram
| May 1 Last night was Beltane, and that was a Celtic magical
festival. We celebrated, too, and it proved a bad idea to have an open fire in
the midst of our office. Lucky we are wizards... May 10 Would you believe it? The Ministry morons still don't get it that we are no terrorists - yes, we did suffer from another raid. May 11 Our head-printer Geronimo has gone into strike thanks to the raid. You know what, you Ministry morons, next time you come you bring us a new printer who isn't as easily | offended! May 26 Pentecost again. But we're still not able to speak in tongues. Not even Parseltongue. Pity. Perhaps we can talk Gobbledeegook next year. But at least we are able to talk to Tonks - bad joke, we know... May 30 Yes, yes, it's a close one again - but here's broom, the second-but-last-one before we finally reveal the identity of the Deathly Hallows. By the way, please plague the Vatican for a St Brian. Thanks. |
A Walking Sneakoscope
|
Exclusively, broom has the honour to publish an interview with the Moon
Child Patience Wood which has been originally written for the Daily Prophet by
Rita Skeeter. Enjoy the intelligent insight into the mind of a unique young
woman. RS: Miss Wood, first let me say that it is a real pleasure finally meeting you to conduct an interview. As I can well imagine, there is some pressure lying on your shoulders right now. How does it feel being the symbol of hope – the Moon Child? PW: A bit strange, to be honest. Especially at the full moon, it is a heavy burden to carry on. And since the rise of You-Know-Who (we must apologize to our readers here, of course broom would have used the name Lord Voldemort, but… this is the Prophet’s interview) the pressure has been heightened by unbidden insights into his mind. RS: How eerie! What is something that has been bothering me for some time: How did you become a Moon Child in the first place? PW: By an initiating spell from my Beholder, Severus Snape. My abilities |
have been dormant ever since my birth, and the spell brought them out into
the open. RS: When did that happen - if you remember, I mean? PW: Four years ago, but it seems like a lifetime to me. RS: No doubt it does. So you can detect Dark Magic now? PW: Yes. You could refer to me as a walking Sneakoscope. RS: Apart from your wish to help fighting the Dark Forces, has teaching been the job of your dreams? PW: Not really, no. After my Advanced Muggle Studies at Oxford I had hoped to work with the Ministry, but you don’t say no when you get a job offered like the place at Hogwarts. Anyway, now that Minister Scrimgeour has asked me to work for him, a dream has come true. RS: Your allegiance to Albus Dumbledore is well-known. Can you explain to us why you follow his ideas so completely? PW: Dumbledore’s way is right. There is no other way to fight You-Know-Who. You’ve got to work your way into his system of thought to undermine it from within. |
RS: So you do not agree with the Ministry’s actions? PW: Oh, but I do agree with them. It is a very sensible approach to soothe the panic and anxiety of the wizarding community. RS: Well, after all this business talk I’m sure our readers will be keen to get to know the woman behind the title of Moon Child. PW: Actually, there’s not much to tell, since I’m basically always working at one or other thing. My Kneazle Knight Rudolph often accompanies me, though, and of course I try to spend what free time I have with Severus Snape. RS: Is it true that he is not only your Beholder? PW: That is correct. Out of the close connection we had real love developed. RS: And I am sure our readers, and certainly myself, wish you all the best for your future life. PW: Thank you, Miss Skeeter. RS: I thank you, my dear Miss Wood, for this very enlightening interview. (Rita Skeeter, by permission) broom thanks the Prophet - grudgingly. |
Singing Sensations or Fretful Failures?
| (Muggle World) Always
daring to go into the mysterious Muggle World despite their absolute
inefficiency of disguising their being wizards, Brian Cullen and Mike Flatley
decided to invite themselves to a party in a pub. Of course this was no
ordinary party but one to celebrate the Eurovision Song Contest. Having had no idea what on earth a Eurovision Song Contest is, Brian and Mike were blissfully unaware of the very low standard of UK performances in the last years. A Guinness and a half later, however, the two were much more enlightened on the subject: the contest meant that some forty European countries and Israel all send a singer or a musical |
group to the competition. In a semi-final half of them get voted out of the
competition by people using their telephones. The remaining twenty-four have
to compete against each other. Needless to say, both Brian and Mike were
convinced the finalists should be really good. So their hopes were high for a great evening with super-cool music. The very first performers, however, were nothing short of abysmal. And it went on pretty much like that, with the notable exceptions of Sweden, France, Hungary, Germany, Romania and Bulgaria. Luckily the number of pints rose according to the number of place of the performers. Otherwise some performances would |
have killed the audience. The lowest of low was reached with the UK. Even the greatest fans in the pub buried their heads in their hands in deep shame. The only surprise was that these four failures came only second to last. He winner, by the way, was Serbia with a singer hovering somewhere between male and female and a performance not much to anyone’s taste. Perhaps somebody had bewitched the audience with an Imperius-Curse to vote for Serbia? Traditionally, the Dark Arts have a strong link to eastern Europe… Anyway, it was a most enlightening experience which taught Brian and Mike that Muggles have no musical taste whatsoever. (BC&MF) |
broom's Best Bad Boy Board
|
Avery, the convicted Death Eater, somehow smoothed his second cousin’s way
into Hogwarts by dark means – or not so dark, as you will get to know this
month. Sebastian’s world was shattered. He did have to go to the freak school after all, and he did have to wear such stupid robes, too. He asked if he could phone his friends from school, but his mother told him that a telephone did not exist at Hogwarts, and he should use Athena for communication – but not with Muggle friends, of course. Sebastian understood that he was to cut off all links to his former life. Colin, Philomena and Athena the owl accompanied Sebastian to the Hogwarts Express on September 1st. Colin had, now that Athena had joined him, begun to interest himself in magic and even written to obtain a Quikspell Course. He had given up alcohol again and worked as a plumber, now advertising as “Don’t send owls to Athens – call Athena if you need help with your plumbing!” It might not be the best ad imaginable, but it did attract attention especially when Colin turned up with Athena perched on his shoulder. Sebastian went into the train brooding over the loss of his friends. “Hey, you there, come in. You’re Sebastian Cook, right?” someone addressed him. When Sebastian looked up he saw a very handsome, dark-haired boy smiling coolly at him. “I’m Ramon Vargas. My dad knows your uncle well.” He |
jerked his head at a blonde boy sitting in the corner of the compartment.
“And that’s Roland Banks.” “Hi,” Sebastian said dully, but Vargas did not wait
for him to be more enthusiastic but pulled him into the compartment and closed
the door. “Your uncle’s a hero, did you know?” Ramon asked. “I’ve no idea. I never met my uncle,” Sebastian said honestly. “And anyway, he’s not my uncle, he’s my mum’s cousin.” Ramon Vargas shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. You’re of the right lineage anyway.” It was only fortunate Sebastian never mentioned his dad being a Muggle, but then, he was feeling out of place anyway and wouldn’t have dared to talk freely with wizards so not to give himself away. At Hogwarts, Sebastian was one of the first first-years to be sorted, and landed himself in Slytherin – which meant next to nothing to him. It did get some meaning, however, when he was called to his new head of house and was told that his mother’s cousin had written and secured the place by telling Severus Snape about his second cousin’s great magical abilities. Sebastian felt wretched. He was not brilliant – and he was to proof his uncle wrong many times during his years at school. How Sebastian got through school and why he looks best in blue you will get to know in the next edition of your favourite magical magazine! (BC&MF) |
Sudoku
That one was hard to make up, Severus!
Letter to the Editor
|
The following letter reached us here at broom from one
of our dear readers. Please note that we are in no way responsible for its
contents but rest assured that we subscribe absolutely and totally to each and
every point mentioned. |
However, to hurt someone with words or deeds was, is and
will always be wrong. |
micro-organism or whatever you believe in? Are we not equal in
our genetic structure and the wish to live in peace? What race is this if even
brothers and sisters fight? |