broom Breaking News
| (Hogsmeade) Quite by cheery chance, broom’s battiest
editor Brian Cullen discovered a dreadfully funny film made by Muggles that
was about his lusty life! On one of the ominous excruciating excursions into the miraculous Muggle World, Brian bemusedly stopped in front of a shop selling so-called videos. Muggles make their evenings eventful by watching weird moving images on something called a television set. Strange habit, that! However, this particular precious video film was called “The Life of Brian”. Needless to |
say that boisterous Brian went all crazy about many Muggles watching the
surprising story of his laborious life. Of course, the enervated editor would
have loved to lend an eye to the fabulous film – but the terrible technical
television set is missing mournfully. We would be obviously obliged if anyone
could helpfully help us and at least tactfully tell us what this funny film is
really about – that is to say: what of Brian’s life has been made public? (MF) |
|
(Godric’s Hollow) Rash rumours have been ferociously
flying through the country since the dreadful death of humorous headmaster
Albus Dumbledore. Now a new note has been safely sent to broom. | time the tidings are not about the mean murder, but about the very village the Potters purposefully and carefully chose for their hidden habitation: Godric’s Hollow. As all students of Hogwarts who have recently read Hogwarts: A History will know, the fourth founder’s first name was Godric. Godric Gryffindor. broom admits ashamedly that we have no really cool clue to the meaning of this, but we thought you’d like to think about it – we did. (BC&MF) |
An Insider’s View
| (Wizarding World)
Thanks to the manifold connections of broom into the centres of power, we can
present you an insider’s view on the question of whether Rufus Scrimgeour
should stay Minister for Magic. Out of obvious reasons, our informant wants to
stay anonymous. Here is the person’s report: Rufus Scrimgeour always had the image of a tough guy. For sure he was a brilliant wizard and proved himself so in the Auror-training. He received top marks in deception, for example. Rumours have it he killed two Death Eaters all by himself. The Death Eaters were found all bloodless and pale, they say – but I wouldn’t think this a proof for the scandalous suggesting of Scrimgeour being a vampire! Oh no, I’m sure there is a curse or something similar to create such an effect. Rufus Scrimgeour is an honourable man, and, as I said, a decent Auror. However, him being who he is, he’s extremely ambitious and it was no secret that he was angling for the top jobs ever since he decided on a career. I personally think Rufus | Scrimgeour is not to be blackmailed or paid for favours
or something equally unpleasant. Whoever tries this will find himself either
locked up for life on trifling charges or dead. Unpleasant adversary, Rufus
Scrimgeour. If someone as ruthless is a good Minister for Magic? Well, good
question… No. Cornelius Fudge might have been a bit of an idiot, but at least likeable. And Scrimgeour has not yet been able to stop the terror. If anything, the violence’s grown worse. No, no, Rufus Scrimgeour should be replaced, but in a way that makes it impossible for him to take revenge or join the death Eaters. I wouldn’t wonder about that, honestly. But, as I said, Rufus Scrimgeour is an honourable man, and I’d never say anything to the contrary. Unfortunately, a few days after this interview took place, our informant lost his job at the Ministry and in due course his life. sorry for that, and of course we know Minister Scrimgeour did not know about this. (MF) |
broom-e-gram
| February 2 We received no fan mail today, but we
also didn't open our windows for strange owls. February 7 Strangely enough, someone applied for the job as Deathly Hallow, stressing his intention to kill Harry Potter. He called himself Ol' Tom, does anyone know him? February | February |
Finally! Adventures of Magpies Continued!
| (Wizarding and Muggle
World) It has finally arrived – the day of the publication of the next
adventure of the Malignant Magpies. Read all about it in this interview with
Orlando Bloomer, assistant to our hopefully next Minister for Magic Rufus
Scrimgeour! MF: Hello, Orlando. We’re glad to have you here to talk exclusively about the Magpies’ newly published adventures. OB: Well, I was there, you know, when it all happened. MF: Exactly. Do tell us where ‘there’ is and how you met the Magpies. OB: Oh, they were at Oxford University at that time, and me, too, |
and while I was studying I also worked with Arsenio Crumlum in his fabulous
sweet shop. MF: Studying at Oxford University is certainly not the usual career for young witches and wizards. OB: No. I came there because of my queer interest in Muggle sports, and they were part of a Muggle liaison programme that the Ministry of Magic and Hogwarts school developed together. MF: Indeed it was Professor Emerson Dicket who developed the idea that Muggle liaison people should have more than just a theoretical insight into Muggle life. |
OB: Yes, and I think it was the Magpies’ plan to go into Ministry
work. MF: Well, I’m not sure about that, Orlando. But we won’t give away too much – only say this: it’s not so easy to get along in Muggle life when you’re used to using magic. OB: No, it definitely isn’t. Shall I tell you about some funny incidents? MF: No, let our readers find out for themselves. Now, finish reading broom and then read the next epic adventures of your favourite witches and wizard! Here's the story! Pronto! (MF) |
broom's Best Bad Boy Board
|
After the potion was finally spilled and the cat among the pixies, Colin
Cook rather dreaded coming home just in case his wife might be performing some
magic that was quite unexplainable even by a jittery laugh and the words: “Um…
my wife has rather taken to Seb’s magical playthings.” He even stopped
bringing mates home, but rather arranged meetings at the local pub. Might be
the barman was delighted with the sudden estrangement of the Cooks. However, the real blow to Colin came one bright, sunny morning in mid-July. Philomena and Sebastian had spent the morning doing magic while Colin had buried himself in his usual morning papers. And then it happened. Something or someone knocked at the kitchen window. Colin went there, expecting it to be the neighbour Bill Haydock, but it wasn’t. There was an owl sitting outside, staring at Colin with bright eyes and knocking imperiously against the glass. Colin rubbed his eyes. Maybe he had had a drink too much last night, but the effects should have worn off by now. It turned out that the owl was not to be dismissed, no matter how much Colin tried to shoo it away. Philomena came to his rescue and let the owl in, taking the letter from the bird and seeing it off again. Colin shook his head. “British Mail are saving, are they?” he grumbled. “Oh no, that’s the normal way the post is delivered to people like Seb and me,” Philomena said cheerfully, which left Colin shaken. “And that’s for you, is |
it?” he enquired, but his wife smiled mildly. “Oh no, it’s for Sebastian.” The boy in question consequently opened the letter and his face fell. Some weirdo was telling him to come to a spoof school instead of going with Craig, Martin and Evan to the local comprehensive. It was the destruction of all his dreams and aspirations – if he had ever had any, that is. It was also the death of Colin’s long-hatched dream of making his son his partner in time. “Call the Cooks to Clean your Drains” – all gone down the drain, quite literally. Only Philomena was proud and happy. “I was sure you would get the letter, my dear. I was sure you could go to Hogwarts. Even though your uncle, well, never mind.” By which Philomena née Avery referred to her cousin, the by then convicted Death Eater. Needless to say Philomena herself was the disgrace of her family and consequently had never been involved in any dark magic – Merlin’s beard, she hadn’t done any magic at all for ages! Sebastian was still confused. He had no real confidence in his magical powers. He sometimes just failed doing magic, and although his mum could not be gentler, he dreaded being in a school full of real wizards. That, alas, was the last sign Sebastian Cook gave of a faint trace of intelligence. Read on next month and get to know all about the half-squib’s way into Hogwarts! (BC&MF) |
broom Idol
|
(Hogsmeade) The world-wide mania of finding a superstar has finally even
reached the Wizarding World. Since the Daily Prophet is just too preoccupied
with daily politics and hushing up the truth, broom has raised its banner to
summon all those who want to participate in a competition to find the greatest
celebrity of the Wizarding World. To all of you out there – wizards and witches, only, though – broom calls out to show up come Hogsmeade weekend at headquarters for the first audition. Those who pass the test, will be asked to appear at a second audition in a few weeks. Of course you must know what is required. Well, we’d like you to send a CV with an enclosed photo. You should be at least 15 years old. Should you attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry you must enclose a certification of your success at | school. We don’t accept people with low
grades and no chance of success, mind you. Apart from that, there are only
some rules to follow: 1. You should be able to either sing, dance, or act well enough without using a charm to bedazzle the audience. 2. You should not look like an ogre, troll, or hag. 3. You should not be a teacher and/ or assistant teacher and/ or former teacher. 4. Ghosts are not allowed to attend, because there appearances on stage might shock audiences. 5. You must not be Gilderoy Lockhart. We are looking forward to your application! Good luck to all of you! (BC&MF) |
Sudoku
That wasn't too difficult for our dear Severus!
Have a Happy Hallow
|
(Behind the Veil) It did not gave us any rest to know
that there was a Saint Hugh, or Ee, or what was it spelled like? Right: Aódh.
We were still looking for the ultimate saint, and lo and behold, we stumbled
over a good candidate. |
corporeal entities do have feet beyond the veil in the
Department of Mysteries, he stumbled when he did not see a crouched figure. Of
course Mr Allegro cursed violently when he saw him. |
second candidate for killing Harry Potter in the person of a deathly
hallow. However, we think it more probable that you defeat him in Quidditch once he is taken on by the Wimbourne Wasps as
Seeker and you, with Puddlemere United, play against them. |