broom Breaking News
| (Edinburgh) As autumn approaches, countless crooks and petty-thieves people the serpentine streets of elated Edinburgh. broom boasts to have their only own original crooked crook present at the yearly evil event, Mark Mulligan.
The annual arrangement of cunning crooks and milling Muggles, notoriously named Edinburgh Crook Festival, proves to be singularly successful. Every year, crooks and customers meet and make plans for the next revolting robberies. | As one particular participant phrased it: "It's a lovely lock-up of criminal crooks and careful customers, and always immensely inspiring." When I went to have a little look at the safety stalls, I found that Muggle and Wizarding crooks have formed an appalling alliance that makes safe security systems utterly useless. Should you be wary witness to real robberies, I hope that you will not have the brutally bad luck of having been robbed by one of the crooks of Edinburgh Crook Festival. (MM) |
| Recently our righteous Ron hopped around with a hopelessly horrible headgear. Wearing a wooden cap can be ok, however, having a horrific hat should be punished painfully. Have you ever heard of a headgear as hateable as his?
He would make a marvellous hat tree if it was only for a more modern hat. broom believes blissfully that Ron's ratio is wrong in assuming to have acquired an amazing addition to his | outfit. Outdated accessories as his can cause catastrophic calefaction under the caps and capes of casual cads and carry certain quarrels.
We would volunteer to waft away his woollen wonder and by bringing it to the body of a bonfire burning the bloody bonnet. Ron we recommend to get rid of this ridiculous redundancy. We value your wild wig. |
A Short History of the Most Recent Quidditch World Cups - World Cup 1990
| For the second World Cup in our knowledge, the one of 1990, the teams of Scotland and Brazil were vying for the title. It had been a major surprise that Brazil had made it into the final. The great favourite had been Peru, after all, and we have to admit that we even had a Peru flag in our house - until Charlie found it and burned it for good. He thought we ought to support Scotland. We did, afterwards, but the Brazilian team did have class. They still do, and people say that their Quidditch is more like dancing in the air than flying. It does look like ballet sometimes. Perhaps certain Seekers at Hogwarts should employ similar techniques instead of pirouetting in mid-air and then falling off. You know who we mean, you Slytherin losers. Anyway, Brazil and Scotland. The Scots came with bagpipes blasting, the Brazilians had a kind of carnival, and it seemed to | be fun. According to newspaper photos, that is, since we - you have already guessed it - sat at home in front of the wireless and listened raptly to the comment. It was not easier this time - the match took place in a remote village in the Romanian Carpathians as a sign of friendship with the recently freed soviet states. Romanian is not a language commonly spoken by wizards, so every foreign listener (all the world except the Romanians) was required to bewitch his or her wireless to get a translation. It worked, but with minor faults. For instance, we were told that the Romanian Chasers were occupied by the Scottish beaters. They meant opposed, but, hey, we did not mind much. In the end Scotland won, which ultimately helped our Ministry for Magic and late Minister Fudge to get the World Cup to England. |
broom's Best Bad Boy Board
| Hunter Preston almost killed Albus Dumbledore, but was stopped valiantly by Anne Symmons and Patience Wood. This brought him to his second trial in front of the whole Wizengamot, and this time things looked absolutely bad for him. He was sentenced to a lifetime in Azkaban, and he served a long time in prison. How he managed not to get completely deranged nobody will ever know, but he did.
He bided his time obviously, living from day to day and waiting for the chance to get back to the Wizarding World and serve his lord faithfully. In his heart, Preston knew he would never denounce the only person who had ever given him a fair chance and rewarded him when he proved worthy of the trust. He was still proud to be one of the Six Axes of Evil. He was still hoping to be of service again. So when Voldemort returned and the news leaked into Azkaban, a wild fierce joy grabbed hold of Preston and he began to plan. Once there were enough witches and wizards, and the dementors were distracted, there was a way out of the fortress. In secret he conferred with his fellow prisoners, and finally the day came for the big breakout. It worked, as we all know. Sixteen Death Eaters fled Azkaban and re-joined Voldemort. Among them were all of the surviving Axes of Evil. You will want to know where Hunter Preston is now. The truth is, we don't know exactly. We know that he is still working for Voldemort and still an Axe of Evil. We know that he has already lent a hand to destroying that bridge - an act which killed a lot of Muggles. But apart from that, we know nothing. It seems as if Hunter Preston has learned a lot in Azkaban, and | among his new abilities is cunning. He has developed the will to survive, survive in any possible way. So, should you encounter him, beware. Hunter Preston is extremely dangerous and willing to kill. He is not likely to give you the same chance he once got from Voldemort. His prime target will be the destruction of the Order of the Phoenix.
However, rumours have it that Preston was entrusted by Voldemort with the task of detecting double agents. It is likely that, just as he once served two masters, other people also do. Perhaps Hunter Preston himself will once double back - but if he does, we can be certain that he only feigns it. He has found his true home in the dark arts, and he will not go back. We can only repeat our warning: Beware of Hunter Preston. After this highly disturbing story about the Best Bad Boy of 2006, it is almost impossible to find a Best Bad Boy for 2007. However, we do have some options left, and we know you will be glad to vote for them. However, we can assure you that in our opinion, our own life story is the most notorious of all. Well, it's up to you to vote, but, really, we'd like you to vote for us… Here's the choices: 1. Mike Flatley 
2. Brian Cullen 3. Harry Potter 4. Barty Crouch jr. 5. Roland Banks 6. Sebastian Cook 7. Rufus Scrimgeour |
Travelling Tales 2006
| (Still On Holiday) Another adventurous day added itself to our vacation. First, we drove to a very big lake and walked around it - well almost. On the journey we met the grim several times but hey that's what happens every year.
We were even tempted to jump into the water but in the end we decided we would live better - and longer - without catching the diseases probably floating in it, leave alone being caught by merpeople, grindylows or other monsters living in the depth of the lake. In the afternoon we set out on a quest, namely the question: "Where is that damned castle?" No, we're not talking about Hogwarts, for Hogwarts is easy to find, at least, if you are magical. | It seems that Muggles apply the same strategy and let their castles disappear for eyes of witches and wizards.
After an odyssey of 15 minutes, we found ourselves passing the building in our car. Luckily, we got a beautiful parking space and were able to use our energy for the search of the entrance. The main entrance was blocked by a wedding party. Having always thought that Muggles were pretty much like rabbits, we were convinced that there must be a second entrance, but there wasn't. The castle was filled with many pictures - non moving just old Muggle art. Interestingly enough, there was the portrait of the archbishop of Cologne - well, one of them - which we had met in | another museum last year. The next time he will have to pay for a beer.
There was also a collection of Muggle toys. Imagine that! There were even toy brooms, and some devices for potions. Does anybody know if Severus is missing his potions box? Never mind, we brought you one. There was even one moving toy: a steam engine, the absolute height of boredom. Surprisingly, we found our way out of this maze and were even able to detect a knight shop. Unfortunately, they didn't sell knights there. Not even armours were available. Just toys - Muggle toys. Tiredly, we worked our way back to the car and returned to our accommodation. |
The Story of a Tremendous Success: broom Welcomed its 200th Visitor!
| (broom Headquarters) The last month saw the staff and stuff at broom headquarters jumping and shouting with glee, because the 200th visitor found himself or herself on our homepage.
Of course, we here at broom do not have to mention that this is a historic event! 200 times people - magic and Muggle - have visited our homepage. They found jokes, games, stories and the truth and what even means more, they found Brian Cullen and Mike Flatley. Those two authors who put their feetprints onto the first edition of broom and would never let go of it again - sorry, we got carried away here… As yet, the two keep the secret of the identity of the 200th visitor a secret. However, in one month's time, they will reveal his or her name with a breathtaking, heartbreaking and brainteasing interview. They will dive deep into the life of our 200th visitor and tell the world all about it. If he or she contacts us in time, that is. | Nevertheless, we here at broom are happy and proud because of our very own success story. An average of 5,5555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555 and 5 forever have visited our homepage per edition of broom - that's at least what our head-mathematician told us, however, he didn't manage to explain how 0,5 and 5 forever can log into the internet!
He further claims that in another 36 editions we will be able to face the 400th visitor of broom! The 1000th visitor will be due in the 144th edition. Umh, about time that we get a present for him or her! Then again, maybe not for that will only take place in 9,6 years, so, we better not order the hamper yet. Of course, we here at broom do not want to miss the chance to thank all other 199 visitors who enabled the 200th one to be what he or she is: our new celebrity. So, please, if you are any Tom, Dick or Harry and were the 200th visitor of our homepage, do not hesitate to contact us! (ALL) |
Sudoku
Of course, our Sudoku team wishes you a very merry Christmas - and good luck!
Looking Back on Two Years of broom Part 5
November 2005 - Thousands of stars and starlets take the side of broom. broom now can be found everywhere. December 2005 - A stroll into the Muggle world provides us with so much information that we could write books about it, but hey only if you pay us for it! | Christmas 2005 - A broomful of songs! We love to sing. Always keeping minorities in mind we have a special song for the Death Eaters. January 2006 - We reveal all about Dark Mark, well, almost. He's our very own Death Eater carer. | February 2006 - Birds' Flu threatens the wizarding world and we keep you informed giving you practical advice how to deal with birds. |
New Teaching Scandals Uncovered
| (Our Office With Our Heads Stuck In Exercise Books) Dear readers, being quite shocked ourselves about what we found last time when we did dig not so deep in an exercise book, we are knocked out of our shoes, kicked the biscuit and took the bucket because of what we have found out now!
Participles: present and past provided the students with this example of a relative clause: A student has the same subjects every day of the week which he chose himself. The week was chosen by the student? Passive with phrasal verbs made us face this sentence which was to be put into the passive: The settlers built new houses in the west. Okay, is it just us who don't see a phrasal verb here, or is there none? | Word order: verbs with two objects asked us to underline all objects in a text. We won't repeat the text here, but let us assure you that not all of the objects were marked in the solution.
Revision: simple past and present perfect makes us fill in the correct forms of the verbs in brackets, unfortunately, the last sentence must be: No, I haven't. Definitely, no, you haven't understood the exercise. Spelling mistakes are also a great favourite of the authors of school books. Our favourite misspelling is: plain instead of plane! If you happen to be a responsible parent, have a good look at the school books of your children. Hey, why don't you start a "spot the mistake competition" with your children?! |
Letters to the Editors
| A Word on War Thaddeus Mortimer Brewster-brown contacted us here at broom because he felt the urgent need to say a word or two about war and fighting in general. Listening to his ideas we decided we should share these with our readers. Hit it Thad! First of all, I'm very sorry to bother you with this topic. The thing is that as a demonologist I mainly deal with demons - er, well, what I'm trying to say is that 'war' has some characteristics of a demon. It is hard for us to define its shape, for example. What is a war? A war is a certain way of fighting. You need arms. You use arms to destroy someone. Fighting is a little bit different. The aim is not necessarily to destroy but to reach a certain goal. This world is divided into bellicists and pacifists, those who love and those who hate war. Generally, I belong to the bellicists, | then again if I imagine that someone attacks my family or friends I…well, I wouldn't allow anyone to do harm to them.
Look at your own lives. Have you ever stood up to support what you thought was right? You fought for it. If you think it alright to fight for an idea, isn't it good to fight for your family and friends? Of course, I, as everyone else, hope that I will never have to fight for them, never have to go to war. Most matters can be talked over. You can come up with an agreement. Fact is that you should try all other means before you start carrying a weapon. Life is too precious a good to waste it and there aren't many things worth fighting for. But should you ever find something I wish you the best of luck and I hope that you're not wrong. Thank you. |