broom Breaking News
| (Wizarding World) Latest news in a row of several strange incidents has been the cool confirmation that there is indeed a Half-Blood Prince.
Unfortunately, under these critical circumstances, with no reliable reports from the morons at the Ministry (the editors apologize to the exemplary exceptions), nobody seems certain who actually is the potentially precious prince. Our own secure sources are not much more helpful, so all we can do is |
severe speculation: Our ingenuous idea is that the pretty prince is currently either a sweet student or a cool counsellor. The student would be someone whose parents perhaps have noble blood, bear a noble name or he was down for a posh school. The counsellor has already been known to sometimes stage his appearance as artfully disguised royal rogue.
More on this serious subject in the Editor's Corner. |
Wands - A Necessity?
| (Diagon Alley) We are proud to have gotten the opportunity to interview Mr. Ollivander, owner of the famous wand-shop in Diagon Alley. His ancestors have produced the finest wands imaginable for centuries. Now there has been a discussion if wands are really necessary for the Wizarding World. Mike Flatley spoke with Mr Ollivander.
MF: Welcome, and thanks for your time, sir. MO: Oh, I always have some time to spare for former customers. If I remember well, your wand was willow, filled with dragon heartstrings, 3 and a half inches? MF: Er… Yes, but we are not here to discuss my wand. Rather, a young scientist at St. Mungo’s, Dr. Morgan, has stated that wands are not necessary if the average witch or wizard trains his or her mental abilities better. MO: Yes, I have heard of that, and I am |
very surprised about it. It seems as if this man has been hooked on by a Muggle idea of waving a finger or clapping your hands and by that doing magic. I am afraid that most wizards do need wands.
MF: Why is that so? MO: Well, don’t you see, there are always magical cores in wands. As I said before, yours contains dragon heartstring. There’s hardly any magical creature more magical than a dragon. MF: What else do you use? MO: About everything that enhances the wand owners abilities: phoenix fathers, unicorn hair, Veela hair… Whatever you can think of! MF: Toad’s liver? MO: I’m afraid not. It rots too fast. You wouldn’t wand a stinking wand in your pocket, would you? MF: Certainly not. Well, Dr Morgan says he tested some wizards with fake wands, wands without magical core, that is, and they produced just the |
same results as wizards with magical wands.
MO: But, you see, they used wands. Even the wood is magical. MF: Dr Morgan also tested some without wands – and then there are spells which require no wand at all! MO: If you think of Animagi here, I must disappoint you. Not everyone can become an Animagus, because you need more magical blood in you than the average wizard has – and I’m not talking in terms of Muggle parentage here, I truly mean magical abilities, no matter if Muggle-born or what some dub ‘pure-blood’. MF: So all you need to do magic is a wand – and not necessarily your finger? MO: Yes, that was what I meant. Dr Morgan should repeat his tests, I think. That was certainly very enlightening, Mr Ollivander. Thank you for the interview.(MF) |
The Lost Sandals
Being the missing parody of the lost scandals of Parry Hotter’s first year at Wogharts. Stories with which Brian Cullen and Mike Flatley experimented before they started running broom.
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announced the arrival of Raghid due to the failure to open any of the previously sent letters.
Not thinking much Raghid packed the young boy and took him to Angle Alley to buy all the things a wizard’s heart can have nightmares about. Later on he got to know platform 8 7/4 where he felt quite lost after the loss of Raghid. Luckily enough he collided with the Peasley family, was helped by them and shown the entrance to the secret platform hiding behind a lantern on Victoria station. The very next thing he encountered were the realities of life. Due to stress and exhaustion Mrs. Peasley had indicated the wrong lantern to him and therefore he caused a major crash involving his pet-troll and suite-case wagon. Having passed the right lantern and finally seen the light at the end of the tunnel, Parry had almost reached the train. That was when he noticed that his luggage including his pet-troll and his sandals were still in the gummle world. |
He returned to fetch it – all but his sandals – and nearly missed the train.
But since the driver is used to students and their being late almost all of the time Parry still had some two minutes to get himself and his stuff on the train. To cut a short speech long he managed to do so. The train was already rolling when Parry returned. One door – as usual – was left open. He threw his luggage inside and grabbed himself by the collar, took a nice swing and tossed himself right into the wagon wall. He clutched to it and worked his way to the open door. The guard arrived and urged Parry to hurry up or else he would close the door without him on board. As we informed you before he made it. In the next edition we will learn how Parry faired on the train. You will meet interesting people and again you will deal with the question: Why didn’t I bring my sandals. |
Cullen Consulted
| (Hogsmeade) It is a well established truth that no one would ever approach our dear producer, editor, author, writer, typer, nuisance and sparetime-slave Mr. Cullen for a piece of advice. Thanks to this fact he has enough time to take care of the problems and questions of our readership.
From now on you shall find occasional bits and pieces of his wisdom spread under this headline (see above). We are proud to announce that he is so little qualified for anything that his special fields range from algebra to zoology. As for his answers they will vary from totally vague to absolutely inapplicable. This may make you ask ‘what is the use of all this?’ YOU: What is the use of all this? But that would be just as if you were asking ‘what’s the use of broom?’ YOU: What’s the use of broom? And we would say ‘gee, what a tough question!’ WE: Gee, what a tough question! And then we would add ‘doesn’t that make a nice first question for our consultant?’ |
WE: Doesn’t that make a nice first question for our consultant?
And then Mr. Cullen would say ‘yes, why don’t we ask him?’ MC: Yes, why don’t we ask him? And then Mr. Flatley would reply ‘you are our consultant.’ MF: You are our consultant. And then Mr. Cullen would reply ‘really, that’s great, thanks for trusting me.’ MC: Really, that’s great, thanks for trusting me. And then Mr. Flatley would add ‘and…?’ MF: And…? And then Mr. Cullen would ask ‘and…what?’ MC: And…what? And then Mr. Flatley would continue ‘I’ve asked you something.’ MF: I’ve asked you something. And then Mr. Cullen would reply ‘really?’ MC: Really? And then after a short thinking pause (okay maybe not that short) Mr. Cullen would want to know ‘what was it?’ MC: What was it? And then Mr. Flatley would repeat |
‘what’s the use of broom?’
MF: What’s the use of broom? And then Mr. Cullen would clear his throat and lean back and look quite importantly and reveal ‘you can fly on one.’ MC: You can fly on one. And then Mr. Flatley would explain that ‘it’s not any broom, it’s our broom, the magazine.’ MF: It’s not any broom, it’s our broom, the magazine. And then Mr. Cullen would start ‘this is a very interesting question…’ MC: This is a very interesting question… And then Mr. Flatley would interrupt ‘I’m afraid that’s all the time we have for today.’ MF: I’m afraid that’s all the time we have for today. You can see that it looks even more promising than it is. Obviously this was just the niche which needed to be filled in here at broom. Please make sure not to miss the next edition of Cullen Consulted just to avoid it if you possibly can. (ALL) |
Editor's Corner
| There's been a lot of talking lately about poor Potter and a prince. Now, all of you, forget the rumours and the fairy-tales and get down to the facts:
1. The Prince should be at Hogwarts. 2. He has Muggle relatives. He has not revealed his identity so far. That leaves a lot of people still, though luckily the ladies are exempted. Think well before blaming anyone. You never know! For other assumptions are just as likely: 1. The Prince is part of Voldemort's circle, maybe even one of the Faithful Six. | (More on this subject in one of our next issues.)
2. The Prince is on nobody's side yet, but tending to play with the big bullies. Etcetera. See what I mean? We here at broom are at a loss. So help us get our facts together. Here are our guesses so far: Hengist Thomas Alret or Justin Finch-Fletchley. Sorry, guys, but you're the likeliest. Please write to us! Eagerly awaiting your opinion, Mike Flatley & Brian Cullen |