broom Breaking News
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(A Small Muggle Village Somewhere On This Planet) Hilarious sensation
was caused in the Ministry of Magic by the appearance of a baby kneazle in a
Muggle village. Magical folks reported the sighting of an obvious kneazle close
to a Muggle home. Further investigations proved that the animal really was a
kneazle. Three weeks lasted the stay of the baby kneazle at a Muggle home somewhere in a Muggle area. It is described as having been a grey tiger with golden eyes and an especially furry tail – for a cat. The biggest problem, however, was caused by the fact that it liked to purr at strangers. All witches and wizards who ever laid eyes on this specimen were sure to have seen a kneazle. They informed the Ministry |
which consequently sent out an investigator, namely Mr. Arthur Weasley, to
gather evidence. His final judgement was: “Yes, this is definitely a young
kneazle.” The Ministry didn’t hesitate to make a decision and after this three week period decided to catch the small kneazle. After this had been done the kneazle was given to a good hearted family who loves kneazles and has a name that sounds a bit like kneazle, too. We here at broom wish you joy with your new kneazle knowing that it is in good hands and will never lack anything in its life. Fred, no, don’t you dare. Don’t give one of your special sweets to the kneazle. George, George, stop it. MRS. WEASLEY! (MF) |
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(London) New lovely
living quarters were opened last sunny Saturday in luscious London. The
Wizarding World is permanently proud to present the first all-wizard quarter
in the midst of Muggle London. In the sweet suburb St. Saviour in the south of the muddy Muggle metropolis a green field fell into the hands of a rich widowed witch. She bought the green grounds and offered them | to the Ministry of Magic as a perfect place for occupying the many Ministry workers not wanting to commute every day. The new cosy complex is called Green Dragon Yard and sports a huge green dragon on the roof. Not a living deadly dragon, obviously. However, you will have to queue for quarters there, so hurry to gorgeous Green Dragon Yard to swiftly secure your cool chambers! (BC) |
broom(e) Down Under
| (Australia) As usually having nothing to do, we here at broom grabbed an atlas and browsed through the index to find interesting places to make up gorgeous stories about them. Guess what we've found. Read all about it in the following article.
"We had already worked our way through 'A' and had almost finished 'B'," says Brian Cullen, editor of broom. He, together with his colleague and friend Mike Flatley discovered an interesting place named broom - oh, sorry broome. After their surprise had worn off, Brian and Mike checked out the whereabouts of this place. Interestingly enough it is almost the antipode of the current headquarter of their similarly spelled monthly magazine broom - in which you are currently reading if you are somewhat confused by our article - in Australia. |
"We're especially happy to announce this as one of our slaves, sorry writers, has turned into a big fan of Down Under ever since the World Championship of Foodball," declares Mike Flatley, editor of broom. The socceroos won the hearts not only of the female writer, but also of countless Germs. Only what were the inflated kangaroos for?
 On this map you can see where broome is located in Australia. broome, as you can check on the provided map, is located on the West coast of the big island not too far away either from the river Fitzroy or the desert or in fact closest to it the Indian Ocean. |
However, there are voices, in fact only one voice, claiming that Mike and Brian did not find broome. "It was I who first found broome while checking other places," claims a sort of teacher. She also told us that it was she who informed broom about the existence and whereabouts of broome.
"Nonsense," reply Brian and Mike. They insist that they were the founders of broom and the finders of broome. And 'nonsense' I say for there are rumours that broome plans to turn Brian and Mike into freeman of the city. As always broom will keep you informed whatever will happen and even if nothing happens, we shall keep you informed about it. Our lawyers just informed us that it indeed was Brian and Mike of broom who first found broome for they already published an article about it. Ah, if anyone of them had read broom! (ALL) |
broom-e-gram
| September was filled with feasts -
and of course saw the beginning of a new year at Hogwarts, one without a
certain Dolores Umbridge whose mental state is said to be fragile. well, has
it ever been different? September 1, 2006 Loads of unnervingly twitchy kids set out on their journey with the Hogwarts Express to Hogsmeade station. As usual, it was sheer luck the train did not explode because of an overload of jinxes. September 2, 2006 The first shock about the nomination of our dear Severus Snape as Professor for Defence Against the Dark Arts has died away... Let's wait until he fully settles into his job - there'll be casualties. | September 17, 2006
Needless to say, the first detentions have already been given
out by some caring and understanding teachers. September 19, 2006 Two illustrious personalities celebrated their birthday today. One is Hermione Granger, who we congratulate most heartily on having survived being Harry Potter's friend for so long. The other is our beloved Moon Child Patience Wood. We sent you a bunch of roses, darling - did you like it? September 26, 2006 If you thought anything happened, you're wrong. This was just for the sake of aesthetics. (ALL) |
Life Without Quidditch Is Possible - But Not Worthwhile
| (broom) Yes, everyone out there - apart from Anne - it is that time of the year again. The weather turns cold, wet and foggy and you get up every morning declaring: Oh, what a beautiful day for Quidditch! Since we know that not everybody is able to play Quidditch, especially our Muggle friends, we decided that to celebrate the start of the new Quidditch season, we shall provide two more players which you can use for your mobile! If you don't have a clue what we are talking about, then please do check the February edition of our magazine and remember our little Valentine present for you. You shall find the rules | of the game there and also a manual how to deal with the two pictures, however, there are some things you will need:
1 wooden kebab pick 3 pieces of thread 1 needle 1 pair of scissors 1 bottle of glue You're ready to start, well, so are we! But please do remember that up to now. You are only able to exchange players. Next month we shall provide you with two more players and an instruction how to turn your Quidditch mobile into a super Quidditch mobile! (BC&MF) |
broom's Best Bad Boy Board
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Preston’s School for Defensive Magic was an immediate success and Voldemort
desisted from killing Preston after all. He would not have desisted, however,
had the school not become one of the prime recruiting centres for the Death
Eaters. Initially, only students wanting to learn how to defend themselves entered the school. They did learn defensive magic, but once Preston could judge their abilities, they were classified: class 1 were potential Death Eaters, people with the ability for dark magic and with the frame of mind fitting the job. Those were people easily turned over to the dark side, because they had already developed a certain fondness for dark magic. Class 2 were people who could be put under the Imperius Curse easily and worked diligently for Voldemort. They were usually frightened out of their wits and willing to do anything they were told would keep them and their families alive. Class 3 were – not useful for Voldemort. Class 3 students usually encountered gruesome accidents or were openly killed in battle. Preston managed to find a lot of helpers for Voldemort. His success furthered the trust Voldemort put into him. His star rose so quickly, nearly everybody became jealous. Incidentally, Preston became a member of the elite troop: The Axes of Evil, six of the most faithful Death Eaters which also included Bellatrix Lestrange and Lucius Malfoy. As a member of the Axes, Preston had more privileges and direct access to Voldemort. His work had been extremely successful after all. Still, he managed to keep his school out of the view of the Order of the Phoenix by educating the odd student properly. Usually those were students Preston thought too dull to be any use for the Order of the Phoenix and thus no harm to |
Voldemort. By that technique, his real intent of recruiting Death
Eaters stayed well-hidden. How well hidden it was came to light about a year after the school had opened. Already Voldemort had put a spy into Hogwarts, Severus Snape, who had faithfully reported the contents of a prophecy to Voldemort. However, there were some doubts about Snape’s loyalty even back then, because he did not report quite as regularly about Dumbledore’s activities as Voldemort had hoped he would. And Dumbledore was not convinced yet of Snape’s trustworthiness either, knowing that the disguise of a double agent is the best disguise for an enemy. So Dumbledore approached Hunter Preston, whose reputation for being able to save whole families from certain death at the hands of Death Eaters was growing. Dumbledore asked if he could tempt Hunter Preston to come to Hogwarts and teach Defence Against the Dark Arts, a subject that had until then been taught by Dumbledore himself, but who thought that a new teacher would be a real asset. Preston asked to be given time to think and hurried to inform Voldemort, taking care Dumbledore never got wind of his actions. Voldemort, not surprisingly, was delighted. Two spies at Hogwarts were too good to be true. So he urged Preston to take on the job as new professor for Defence Against the Dark Arts. Preston had hardly been installed in his new job, secretly laughed at by his former teachers, and watched with some distrust because of his siblings’ known actions for Voldemort, when Lord Voldemort met his downfall in little Harry Potter. What happened next and how Preston lived through the years at Hogwarts you will be able to read in the next edition. (BC&MF) |
Lost & Found
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Job Forum Needed - and there! In the last edition we published the letter of ex-Minister of Magic Cornelius Fudge who is looking for a job. Apparently somebody needs a wizard like him. So, Mr Fudge, here’s your job offer! And, please mark: This is one of the few times we are able to publish something FOUND! Dear editors of broom, dear Mr Fudge, We are glad to be able to offer a well-paid, high-profile job to Mr Fudge. The job requires him to be able to go to various | places at various times, be very nice and kind, and
do magic. Since all that fits his CV perfectly, we are sure Mr Fudge will be
very pleased with the job offer. We are a Muggle institution, but we are very happy to be able to help the Wizarding World. So should Mr Fudge be interested, he should please contact Mrs Janet Smith, The Children’s Party Fun Service, Gloucester Road, Manchester. Hoping for your positive reply, Sincerely, Janet Smith |
Travelling Tales 2006
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(On Vacation) As you have read in our last edition of broom, we – that is
Brian and Mike – are on a holiday once again. Our first destination took us back
some two years, but why don’t you read it for yourself? |
back then – and now we returned. We have
to admit that we passed this museum last year on our way to a baking paradise. There were archaeological examinations going on and we had a short look, promising to return in the next year – so we kept our promise. The examinations are still going on, however, this time they presented some of the findings in the museum. If you like to look at naked men, this is the place to go. If you hate |
school classes, then this is not the place to go! To provide you with some more details concerning the surrounding, we would like to add that there is a garden in one of the neighbouring cities. It is a “hanging garden” as the locals like to call it, although it is actually not hanging…but never mind, we already knew that Muggles were strange…oops, just another hint. (BC) |
Crossword
| 1 | VII | X | ||||||||
| 2 | ||||||||||
| 3 | 4 | |||||||||
| 5 | ||||||||||
| VIII | 6 | VI | ||||||||
| 7 III | ||||||||||
| IX | ||||||||||
| 8 | XI | I | ||||||||
| V | ||||||||||
| 9 | II | |||||||||
| IV |
Across
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Down
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The looked for phrase:
____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____W____ ____ ____, ____ ____V____ ____ ____ ____! I II III III IV I II V V VI VII VII VIII IX VII VII X XI IX
Looking Back on Two Years of broom Part 3
| Come and join us on our tour through the history and stories of broom. March 2005 The Ministry is after us and so work turned difficult for us, but they will never stop us! Easter 2005 We here at broom always provide you with interviews with the known and famous. Language is never allowed to be a barrier in this respect and so we are able to present to | you a conversation with Chick, by the way, you wouldn’t recognize her if you saw her today. April 2005 People always want to know what they are like and so do we. A personality test provides insights into our characters. We discover that we actually are the publishers of broom May 2005 The Half-Blood Prince is everywhere, even in broom. And shall we tell you something? We are right, it is | professor Snape, half-blood prince of the vampires. June 2005 broom and its stuff have to pay the price for our openness. We are ushered out of our beloved headquarters, lost our domain in the Muggle internet and have to live in hiding from then on. Check out next month’s article when we will take you through some more editions of broom! (ALL) |