broom Breaking News
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(Wizarding World) Most awful accidents appearing to be carelessly caused by
misused magic are applied to the eerie evil doings of Lord Voldemort. Last summer, sadly, a bridge burst into a thousand trembling pieces while three Muggle men were fishing. The poor men were killed in the event. Most Muggles mused that the Muggle military had made a mistake and aimed a missile at the bridge. Most magicians were of the obvious opinion that dreadful Death Eaters did the damage. broom now found exciting evidence that neither intelligent |
idea is completely correct. Instead, the incident was a terribly tragic sports
accident. The bridge happened to have been built near the ancient acre where the Ballycastle Bats
train their team in Quidditch. Muggles, not aware of the dangers dreading, built the bridge right in the path preposterously taken by Beaters to avert stray Bludgers. One of the Ballycastle Bludgers burst the bridge in the evening of that day. broom is proud to calm you all down: For once, neither Death Eaters nor Voldemort had a hand in a major Muggle tragedy. (MF) |
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(Wizarding World) Giant
gruelling is always grave news, no doubt. Now news reached us that raucous
ravaging great giants were really running assiduously amok against the Muggle
mania of playfully putting up garden gnomes. Giants grumbled that garden gnomes rarely resembled the species they were supposed to stylize. Although giants like gnomes – roasted or pickled, presumably – some savage |
specimen broke their teeth when
trying to grill garden gnomes. Now the giants of the wild Welsh woods angrily
announced rallying revenge to mistaken Muggles. broom wishes to warn the Muggle gardeners giving garden gnomes a prominent place among their fancy flowers and tall trees. Take them away before a gruesome giant terribly tramples them. (ALL) |
| (Down Under) Australia, land of the
kangaroo and the wombat, is a huge country. In fact, it is the only state that
covers a whole continent. And the animals there! Everything has a bag – we
should even consider it likely that there is a thrush somewhere in the Outback
carrying its eggs in a bag on its belly. Australia is a land of natural
wonders and magic. Still, you might wonder why broom is interested in Australia. This is not the beginning of a new travel diary. Sadly, we do not have the funds to travel through the world for our readers. But let us tell you, Australia would be our destination number one. First of all (to provide a suitable excuse for travelling), we would love to learn a bit about the magic of the Aborigines. Anne would ask us to bring some spells – and some animals. Hengist would ask us to bring something to eat, most likely the famous Australian ginger. And Patience would love to lay her fingers on Australian magical herbs and Aborigine potion recipes. So you see, there are already a lot of reasons to go down |
under. Not to mention the powerful magical sites such as Ayers Rock. For you,
readers, we would even conquer the deserts of Australia! No, we most probably
wouldn’t, but we’d try and go to see something of the Muggle and magical city life in
Sydney and Melbourne. But our real destination would not be the desert, nor the metropolitan south-east coast. There is one place we would like to go. You can dive there and find pearls. You can swim with turtles. You can enjoy the sunshine and a white, white beach and just live your life in peace. Yes, that does sound like one of the fashionable bathing resorts in the south east. But it isn’t. It is a smallish place on the north coast. The water to swim in is the Indian Ocean. And the name of the place is…. broome. Yes, we do see the little mistake in the spelling, there’s an ‘e’ too much. But it is still broom’s declared holiday destination. Perhaps, for our twentieth anniversary, we shall go there. We hope you’ll be there to read our exciting broome-holiday travelling tales! (BC) |
broom-e-gram
| August, although supposedly a summer month, has turned
out to be rather cool and wet. Some people put that down to the impact of
Dementors breeding - but think twice: If so many Dementors were breeding all
over Europe, the world would be taken over by them. Hardly likely, isn't it? August 4, 2006 The Daily Prophet started a new campaign against broom, claiming that broom's editors had just escaped a lifetime in Azkaban. August 11, 2006 Actually nothing special happened that day. | But the news that Brian and Mike
managed to get up is worth celebrating, too. August 22, 2006 Today is Percy Weasley's birthday. We've voted 5:3 to wish him all the best for his future - including NOT becoming Minister of Magic. August 31, 2006 The editors, slaves, writers, printers and pets at broom headquarters are in a desperate hurry to get the next edition finished. Hurray! They managed it just in time! (ALL) |
Pirates – Beware!
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(Muggle World) Really interesting things happen in the Muggle world of
culture. We reported on the song for Voldemort, and now there’s a whole film
full of references to the Dark Lord. Read all about the new film featuring one
of our dearest co-writers – Mark Mulligan! If you read our Travelling Tales, you will know that we sometimes love to delve deep into Muggle culture, and our absolute favourite is the cinema. You see, dear readers, moving pictures are infinitely more appealing to wizards than paintings that are standing still. So we decided to watch yet another film. Since we thought it best to laugh a lot, we chose a comedy – Pirates of the Caribbean 2. |
It is a film about, yes, pirates, and it is really funny. Since
we’re not paid for advertising it (although we gladly would be), we shall leave it at that and not advise you
to watch it but if you want to you can do so, because we liked it, oh well, now
we did advertise it. Sod all. Of course we laughed a lot, but when Captain Jack Sparrow showed his left hand marked by a dark mark – yes, that was the term used – we nearly fell off our seats. Dark Mark??? The Dark Lord? And we found out something new about Lord Voldemort. Remember, we already knew that Voldemort likes to pretend he is female and a singular sensation. Now we know that he also uses the alias of Davy Jones, wears the face of a squid, has a new pet – namely a giant squid – |
and has a ghost ship called the Flying Dutchman. We were quite worried when we left the cinema. What if the giant squid at Hogwarts is also a creature controlled by forces of evil? What if the Flying Dutchman appears in the middle of the lake and Davy Jones AKA Voldemort steps out? Then we remembered another crucial fact from the film and were very relieved: Davy Jones is allowed to step onto land only once in ten years. And since Voldemort is back for only two years, hey, why worry? Still, keep wary and stay clear of pirates. And please keep a sharp lookout for the Dark Mark, wherever it may appear. (BC&MF) |
broom's Best Bad Boy Board
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Hunter Preston escaped death at the hand of his fellow Death Eaters only very
narrowly, but showed for the very first time in his life a presence of mind that
should never leave him again. It saved his life then, and it would save his life
many times again. Hunter Preston marched out of the room to the infinite surprise of everyone knowing about his failure and the fact that he had had to stand up for his own cause. Few people ever managed to live through such an encounter with the Dark Lord. Most astonished were Voldemort’s closest advisers, Lucius Malfoy and Severus Snape. But they, in their turn, had more important tasks on their mind. Snape, in particular, had been set to work incessantly should any challenge for the Dark Lord appear. There were rumours that Dumbledore was planning open war, and the Order of the Phoenix needed to be watched closely. Hunter, meanwhile, was given money by Lucius Malfoy to purchase a house in the sea-bath of Brighton, right at the pier, one of those beautiful regal homes that house so many holiday institutes for foreign kids wanting to learn proper English. This particular house was fitted out with rooms that could not be penetrated by magical means nor by Muggle means. Screams could not be heard outside. Once you were inside, you had a hard time finding your way out, for a complicated labyrinth blocked the way. This elaborate piece of magic was set in place by Persephone Preston-Rookwood, who was only too happy |
to be of help. After all the preparations were finished, an advertisement appeared in the Daily Prophet. broom got hold of that piece of news by some, um, rather strange ways. You need not know in detail, but here’s the ad, anyway: Preston’s School for Defensive Magic New Defence Against the Dark Arts school in bright Brighton! You fear to be attacked by Death Eaters? You think your family might be the target of the attacks of You-Know-Who? If you want to learn how to defend yourself and your loved ones, contact Hunter Preston by owl post. In a six-week course you will be taught practical Defence Against the Dark Arts, on a much more advanced level than taught in our magical schools. Hunter Preston has been trained especially well and will be of infinite help to you. Fight the Dark Forces actively! Enrol now! The perfidy of this ad needs no comment, does it? Of course, Preston did train his students in Defence Against the Dark Arts, but only for a time. We know from a secure source, a former student of Preston’s School for Defensive Magic, that the students were taught some highly well-working defensive spells against… Bugs. Yes, bugs. Why that was the case and what Hunter Preston did after the first few weeks, you will learn in the next edition. (BC&MF) |
Lost & Found
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Job Forum Needed Since tons of letters arrived by all imaginable means – even Muggle post, yes, indeed, although the postman ever since thinks he suffered partial amnesia -, we have to be extremely thoughtful on which letters to publish immediately and which can wait. We thought the following plea was urgent, because somehow the author seemed a bit depressed to us. Read for yourselves, and whoever has got an offer – please mail us! Dear editors of broom, dear readers, I am looking for a new job. I am a highly-trained wizard with |
great experience in leading people – although
that is debated rather hotly at the moment. Anyway, I am capable of taking great
responsibility and always have the good of the Wizarding World as my highest
goal. However, I lost my last job because my superiors, the people, decided that
in a crisis I was not the right person for my job. So if there is a job with a high profile, for a person able to represent and be nice to everyone, without a lot of pressure or even too much responsibility, please write to broom. Thank you in advance! Sincerely, Cornelius Oswald Fudge |
Travelling Tales 2006
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We know that nothing delights you more than getting to know
everything that happens in our private lives. Therefore we are only too glad to
take you on our annual summer trip again. Six days of magic, mayhem, and
adventures! |
Magic – by train. That seemed the easiest and most
inconspicuous way to travel, used by Muggles and magical people alike. However, travelling
with Brian Cullen means you have to live with minor drawbacks and the detection
of previously unknown faults. Such was the fact that Brian, double-checking the board to see where the coach with our reserved seats would stop, failed. He simply overlooked the fact that out train was listed twice: Once for weekdays, once for weekends. |
So it happened we were forced to walk through the whole train to find
out seat. Needless to say that did not happen again. Mike made sure he and Brian
found their seats alright. The journey consequently continued without any incident. That is, until Brian detected car number plates giving his initials, jumped up and began to wonder if he could become honorary citizen there. Well, it was one of those stupid ideas that come with the heat. (MF) |
Sudoku
Yes, there's just enough time to do another one of our Sudokus. We hope you have fun and that it is not a too tough one.
Looking Back on Two Years of broom Part 2| Come and join us on our tour through the history and stories of
broom. November 2004 – You learn all about Severus, well, the name. Violet Vainglory takes you back in time and introduces you to places where a Severus once showed up. December 2004 – Mr. Cullen had agreed long ago to provide advice for people (Muggle and magic) in all sorts of |
situations and by this time has established a reputation of being incompetent to the
highest perfection. Christmas 2004 – We’re always keen to be of help and therefore let Harriet Kettle-Stove and Leslie Pagana Greenacre join our circle. We’re still dreaming of the port wine jelly and still admiring our Christmas tree! January 2005 – A new year, a new |
feature. For the first time in history
there was an election for the best bad boy. We still wonder why we didn’t
make it! February 2005 – broom discovers yet another scandal and drags all details into the public. We’re proud that we are courageous enough to take this risk. Check out next month’s article when we will take you through some more editions of broom! (ALL) |