broom Breaking News
| (Cirencester) Certain callous capturers caught the celebrated Circe in a cosy café in captivating Cirencester. The gorgeous Greek goddess gambled with a gnomish Glasgow gargoyle renowned for gurgling. Ministry minions managed to mark the miraculous Muggle-transforming magic, when many | monkeys made their mischief miscellany. This blatant breach of the Statute of Secrecy became the best break for bored brutes. Charming Circe now awaits a trying trial in front of the worshipful Wizengamot. broom might report more on this. (ALL) |
| Have you ever attempted to ask your mother about a matter to which she only made a malignant meditation? Come to our club! Our personal procreatresses picnic on our pains. There is one plain and simple answer to each and every quest, fascinating that | female fathers fail to find it! We’re quite disappointed of our former diaper changers! If you take delight in torturing try to apply for a teaching job at some old far away educational institute and leave us alone! |
Violet Vainglory’s Fashion Fibs
| (The World) Sensual spring will soon
arrive, and the sovereign sun will again tempt thousands of witches and
wizards to daintily dress in dreadful colourful clothes. Fashion expert Violet
Vainglory, greatest gossip of the Wizarding World, has taken on the tough task
of trying to perhaps prevent the most mismatched mistakes in clothes. Dear fashion fanatics out there, it’s really going to be a yummy year for everyone. Of course, some of you should think twice before donning dreadful dresses or short skirts over silk stockings. A complete no-no is the |
catchy combination of a cardigan with fur trimmings, a pair
of jaunty jeans, and a belly-free buoyant blouse. Unless you look like an
anorexic, this should not be attempted. The same goes for very short saucy skirts and high-heeled cowboy boots with furry blasted balls dangling off their rim. If you perfectly passed a certain age, tweed trousers, bonny blouses, and captivating cardigans are the best wear for you. Hoping to have been of help, yours faithfully, Violet Vainglory. |
broom Goes Famous
|
Since broom is closely connected with the Wizarding World, but also keeps
in view the Muggle world, we could not fail to notice the attention given to
the films and audio-books featuring the adventures of Harry Potter (The Chosen
One) and his friends. Although the stories lack certain important personalities, most notably the editors of broom themselves, they give |
a faithful picture of the magical community. Since it is obvious that Muggles need to be informed about what is going on and the ministry fails in giving out appropriate information, broom had to look for a way to attract more attention and more readers. Therefore we decided to write to actors starring in the Harry-Potter-films and of course to the fabulous Stephen Fry who |
lends his voice to all the books written by Ms Rowling. We are now proud to announce that we got the first answer! Mr Stephen Fry, writer and actor, sent us a signed photo (cf. below) in answer to our letter. Of course we already knew that he is a very kind man – now we’ve got visible proof of that fact! We hope to continue this series as soon as we get another reply. (BC&MF) |
A Questionnaire for Stephen Fry
|
Although Mr Fry was so very kind to send us an autograph, he unfortunately
did not manage to fill in our quizzical questionnaire. That was no obstacle for
us, the editors of the world’s most famous magical magazine, to find words for
his thoughts. Kindly bear in mind that we made all the following stuff up –
excluding the photo and the autograph. We thank Stephen Fry for not forbidding
us to publish our thoughts on his thoughts on our questions. If you get our
meaning.
broom: Your home is burning, which three things do you not take with you? SF: My ticket collection, my songbook, my porcelain cow-creamer broom: The colour you dislike most? SF: Teal. broom: If you decided to become an animagus, which animal would you not choose? | SF: A
toad. broom: Three words that do not describe you?
SF: Funny, polite, exciting – oh, sorry, words that do NOT describe me, didn’t quite catch that... |
broom:
Which name would you give to your pet dragon? SF: Elizabeth. broom: If you were a ghost what would you be like? SF: Immortal. broom: broom to me is… SF: A boisterous, ridiculous, obscure, omniscient muck. broom: If you had the chance, which character from the Harry Potter series would you like to act? SF: Mundungus Fletcher. broom: How do you find the time for all your activities? SF: I don’t waste my time searching for it, I do it. broom: What is the most difficult thing about recording an audio book? SF: To read. broom: As we know you are a great author, would you perhaps be so kind to write a little text for broom? SF: No. But if I had the time I would. |
broom's Best Bad Boy Board
|
Certainly Hunter Preston was initiated into the circles around Lord Voldemort
without much ado. However, as in every secret society, you get either called for
to join in, or you have to pass tests. With our Best Bad Boy, it was both. The tests to pass, of course, were the N.E.W.T.s in the seventh year of everyone at Hogwarts. For those who have passed them – congrats. For those who are still dreading them – cheer up, even real idiots passed. You might need to know the right people, though. And that was something Hunter Preston did. His family’s connections had grown very extensive during Hunter’s sixth and seventh year at school. Persephone had married Augustus Rookwood the year she left school. Leonard had been promoted at the Ministry and was working to get support for his younger brother getting a job at the Ministry after school. You might think that these were ideal circumstances to get started on a successful career. Mind you, we are talking about Hunter Preston, though. Even with relations at the Ministry you still need a fair and square, decent and not too bad N.E.W.T. score to enter. That means, you need to work and you need to have the brains to come out successfully. Needless to say, there were brilliant heads in that particular year |
at Hogwarts. Lily Evans, potions queen only second to Severus
Snape, James Potter, doing a transfiguration in his sleep, Remus Lupin, working
tirelessly to fight the Dark Arts, and Sirius Black, who was generally well off
but not brilliant in any specific subject – well, perhaps in impressing girls,
but that hardly counts in exams, does it? Those kids set the standard for the
others – which was very high now. Perhaps it was too high for Hunter Preston, or perhaps he just worked himself up to believe it was too high for him. Whatever the reason, his school record reports he suffered a nervous breakdown after a cramming lesson in the library with Severus Snape. Professor Dumbledore himself had questioned Snape about the incident, but there had been nothing to trigger a nervous fit. Granted, they had worked with poisons, but Snape had taken care to siphon off noxious fumes. Preston landed himself in the Hospital Wing for a whole week, though, and other students refrained from asking Snape for help to get a decent grade in Advanced Potions. What happened after the stay in the Hospital Wing, if Hunter Preston really passed his exams, and what were his plans will be the topic of June’s Best Bad Boy Board! (BC&MF) |
|
(Windsor Castle) As regular reader of broom you will know that one of our
co-editors is a society expert. Still, we do have to admit that the report of
our last visit was – well – made up. However, this time we really – well – to
tell the truth, and you know that we here at broom do tell the truth, sometimes,
we made this one up as well. But hey, read the following and think: Yes, it
might have happened like that. The invitation had been in the mail weeks ago and now the day had really come: The 80th birthday of HRH the Queen. In her honour there was to be given a dinner, well, actually several dinners. I was only invited to this one and thrilled to go there. I had imagined how many wonderful people I would see there and to how many fascinating people I would talk to. As so often in life, things didn’t turn out the way they were planned… Mike: Hey Anne! Brian: Hey Anne! Anne: Mike, Brian? What are you doing here? Brian: There’s never a party without Brian! |
Mike: Just as there is never a dinner without Hengist. Anne: Well, there will be a dinner without Hengist… Hengist: Are you talking about me? Anne: Hengist? Hengist: Hey Anne! Anne: What is that around your mouth? Hengist: (tasting it) Cream. Anne: (closing her eyes and breathing in sharply) You’re not saying you tried the cake? Mike: No, he didn’t say that. Brian: He just said, it was cream. Hengist: Surely, they won’t miss a cake – with all the things they’ve got to eat… Anne: BUT THEY WILL MISS THE CAKE FOR IT WAS THE CAKE FOR THE BIRTHDAY OF THE QUEEN! Hengist: Uuh, sorry… Mike: Don’t make such a fuss, Anne, nobody will think of the cake when they see the present of ours. Anne: Why do I just think that I don’t want to know?! Brian: Maybe because you’re not very curious, love. Mike: We will tell you anyway: It is a tree. Brian: Yes, our life has changed for the |
better since we share our office with nature. Mike: Yes, and therefore we decided, we should share this with others. Brian: Everybody will get trees for birthdays the next couple of years. Mike: Except of you, of course. Hengist: That’s a nice idea! Brian: Is your sister Glenda here with you? You will, of course, understand that this was the moment when Anne decided to disappear and has never shown up since. Hengist was last seen next to the soup with a spoon in his hand. Brian and Mike were able to present the tree and as a consequence were asked to be of help to the gardener. They all lived happily ever after. Yes, it might have been like this. If you happen to be in charge of the organization of these sort of parties and don’t quite agree with our report, please, do send us an invitation next time. We won’t bring Hengist with us, promised. (Brian & Mike & Anne & under protest Hengist – but only after we had promised him to bring a doggy bag) |
Crossword
It is a pity that one cannot insert messages into a Sudoku - or can one? Severus, what do you think about it? Is it only numbers or is there more behind it? Enjoy!
An Interview with Ourselves
|
(broom Headquarters) You will already have noticed that this month’s
edition of broom is dedicated to Stephen Fry. Since the arrival of his letter on
Easter Tuesday we here at broom can only think in terms of Fry: Fry and Laurie,
Fryday, French Fry… As it happens we know another person whose world has been turning around Stephen Fry ever since she received a letter by him. She also got a signed photograph which she showed to us. Mike: You know if I was Stephen Fry I would write different wishes. Brian: You wouldn’t stick to ‘All the best’? Mike: No. Brian: What would you write? |
Mike: Gee, I don’t know, Brian. Brian: Maybe ‘Best wishes’? Mike: Mmh. Brian: I would write… Mike: Yes? Brian: …that’s not that easy! Mike: But you said you did have fan mail! Brian: Well, yes, by girls… Mike: So what did you write back? Brian: I cannot tell you now. Mike: How about ‘Love’? Brian: No, I never write ‘love’ when I write to a girl! Mike: I meant as a phrase for your photo… Brian: Oh, sorry… Mike: Mmh. Brian: Not so bad actually! |
Mike: What, mmh? Brian: No, ‘love’! Mike: What about ‘With affection’? Brian: But that does sound a bit artificial! Mike: Mmh. Brian: If you are only able to say ‘mmh’, you will never come up with a clever phrase to write! Mike: Mmh. At this point we interrupted the conversation as time was pressing and the next month’s broom was about to go into printing soon. If you want to know what Brian and Mike write on their own pictures why don’t you write to them and ask for one. (No One) |
