broom Breaking News
| One of our authors accedes to an anniversary this April. Her birthday brings presents and plenty of parties. She will turn 27 though tactically this should take the top secret tag. We would | wish her a very wonderful Waterday (sorry, Saturday). Should you spare some shires please send them to her. The co-editors congratulate! (ALL) |
| (Diagon Alley) After the
dreadful disappearance of friendly Florean Fortescue, his precious premises
were sold and a captivating café opened. The new nurturing halls house the aptly named Café Poison. Instead of ice-cream, the obscure owners sell everything from arsenic to zombiewater. Cautious customers can call for | camomile, while dashing daredevils demand dried Devil’s Snare. Since the selling of the shop occurred obviously in very short time after the much mourned-for Florean Fortescue vanished, roguish rumours reveal that the new owners might be damnable Death Eaters taking aspiring advantage of the sad situation. Perhaps people should beware of the Café Poison! |
| (Wizarding World) In a surprise
move, Aurors managed to maintain the most memorable idiotic incident of the
last few days: Menace Mundungus Fletcher has been caught acting an Inferius! Incidentally, idiotic Fletcher failed faking the façade of impersonating the illegal Inferius. Assuming the altered state stardom, stalwart stalker Mundungus made the major mistake | of making his vexed victims vigilant to the verge of vindictiveness. When avidly asked for the rational reason behind the impostor’s idiocy, failed Fletcher fussed about wanting to rob high-profile houses. Sensibly, several supposed allies alleged that flinching Fletcher had sold several supposed safety stickers as well as stolen goods. Mad Mundungus must apparently serve some terrible time in ancient Azkaban. |
Detecting the Double
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(All The World) We here at broom broudly bresent our latest series, namely
Detecting the Double. As you will be well informed, broom already did
some research on the topic of names, namely Ramon Vargas, Severus Snape, Remus
Lupin and Mike Flatley. It should have occurred to us earlier that these
deserve its own title (see above). We shall browse through our address books, point to one name and find out if there is anyone in the muggle or even magical world possessing the same name. |
This would only be half as funny if we didn’t tell you all about it. So please
enjoy the first part of our new series. As a matter of fact, we weren’t as successful as we had hoped to be. Our first try of course was Anne Symmons. All we could find out about her is that she was – throughout the ages – the daughter, wife or mother of someone else. And if your name is either Freeman or Burke you might well be related to an Anne Symmons! As this would never be enough for an article, we tried Patience Wood next. |
Interestingly enough we could find our very own Patience on the net pretending
to be a Harry Potter expert… There also was another woman of the same name and
about the same age too. And all we are willing to repeat of her is the
statement of one admirer: She’s pretty amazing though. All other things are
not for the ears or eyes of our readers. What is a porn star, by the way? As this would be too much information to share at once we will write about our findings on Hengist Alret in a separate article. Stay unique! (MF) |
Conversation With A Nettle
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(Our Office) Since we have improved our office, all sorts of
interesting creatures drop in on us – though we didn’t approve of the damage
done by the parachutist – enabling us to learn a lot of things which we eagerly
share with our readers, namely you. broom: Actually, we’re venturing forth into the area of Leslie our famous garden expert, but any way, as you found your way to us we might just as well pose a couple of questions – if you don’t mind – uh, what should we call you? Nettle: I appreciate any form of flattery: Most beautiful plant or green beauty will do, however, I disapprove of words like weed. broom: But that is the name generally given to you… Nettle: Yes, quite unfair. People treat me as if I was useless! Some pull me up |
and some even use… broom: …weedkiller! Nettle: Don’t say it, please, don’t say it! broom: Sorry, we didn’t know that you were allergic to the mentioning of herbicide… Nettle: WILL YOU PLEASE STOP. THAT IS TORTURE! broom: Okay, we’ll never mention either weedkiller or herbicide again. So why do you think you shouldn’t be classified as weed? Nettle: I am quite useful, you know. If you have rheumatism you can use my poison to ease your pain… broom: Yes, and if you don’t it will cause you pain. Nettle: You can cook a delicious dinner out of my leaves, you can even eat them raw if you want to. broom: But you can just as well leave |
it… Nettle: You can even produce a juice out of me which is good for your growth. broom: Excuse us! Nettle: Of your plants, of course. Sorry, I only rarely talk to people. broom: By the way, how do you like our office? Nettle: It’s quite cosy I have to admit, actually, I’m thinking of nettling down here – sorry for the pun. We nettles are quite… This is where the conversation broke off due to an inevitable action taken by Brian – after all, we here at broom wouldn’t want to waste more of your time with an interview with the third nettle to the right. Besides, we want a weedfree office. Brian, where is the weedkiller? HELP! (BC&MF) |
broom's Best Bad Boy Board
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Although Hunter Preston missed the chance of being initiated into the
creative and vicious spells Severus Snape invented in his spare time, he still
managed to stay in Hogwarts without having to repeat a year or even so much as
an exam. Of course, Preston never really excelled academically, but once Leonard had left Hogwarts, Hunter came to the notice of the then Defence Against the Dark Arts professor, Albus Dumbledore. Now, finally, Hunter developed the abilities that later on made him so useful to the Dark Lord. He learned how to cast non-verbal spells. He learned how to jinx people elegantly and without being caught. He learned how to defend himself against the spell, that like a disease spread all through the school and the origins of which could never be found: Levicorpus. We can now exclusively reveal that the spell’s inventor was Severus Snape. Ironically, the famous Marauders used the spell mainly against him… That’s what comes off inventing nasty spells, little kiddies out there: they will eventually turn against you. Now, we don’t want to imply that it was Professor Dumbledore’s fault that Hunter learned all those nasty things. In fact, those things were exactly what Dumbledore warned his |
students about. What he did not know was something that happened on Hogsmeade
weekends. Leonard Preston might have left Hogwarts, but he came back under pretence of meeting Persephone and Hunter. He did meet them, and he told them enthusiastically of the work he had taken up. Had you asked any professor at Hogwarts, they would have told you Leonard Preston worked for the Ministry. That he did – but he did not take orders from the Minister for Magic alone. Voldemort himself had installed Leonard in the Ministry. Hunter’s brilliant brother excelled there, being in the confidence of some pretty senior Ministry officials. Leonard’s new mission was to recruit new Death Eaters. The more people followed Voldemort out of their free will, the better to enslave the others. Persephone was easily persuaded, especially since she had fallen in love with Augustus Rookwood, a young man often found in Leonard’s company. The circle around Leonard involved many others, among them young Hunter and of course young Severus Snape. What happened in the N.E.W.T.s and what Hunter Preston originally wanted to become might be the topic of the next edition. Perhaps it won’t… Just let yourselves be surprised! (BC&MF) |
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(Wizarding World) Ever since the new, highly contagious virus H5N1 started to
threaten the Wizarding and Muggle Worlds alike, thousands of birds have fallen
victim to the disease. Lately, evidence showed that other species might be
endangered as well. More and more cats and other felines have been found dead because of their eating dead birds contaminated by H5N1. Foxes, cats, ermines and the like are known to feast on dead animals, and as they have no possible way of discerning whether a bird died naturally |
of H5N1, they are simply glad to find a
ready-made meal they can divulge without having the trouble of hunting it down.
Consequently, domestic breeds of cats are in the gravest danger, since they are
not used to hunting any longer. However, for wizards and witches there is yet another source of concern. Many of us have not only cats as pets, but also the highly intelligent Kneazles. Kneazles, as is widely known, are very independent in their ways although highly faithful to their owner. Since they can interbreed with cats, it is very likely that H5N1 can affect them, too. So it is only a question of time, |
after all,
when the first dead Kneazle will be found. Wizards and witches owning Kneazles should therefore be careful about where their pets have been. The best way to protect your pets is to keep them mainly in the house and scan the garden for dead birds before letting them out. There is no reason to worry about contagion. Experts say that only if you eat your dead, infected pets raw you yourself will catch H5N1. As nobody is really likely to do that, danger to humans is still very limited. Still, a bit more caution won’t hurt. (ALL) |
Sudoku
Since we know that at least two of our readers enjoy solving Sudokus we decided to provide you with one this month. Sudokus are all about numbers and logic, well, we don't have anything to do with logic, however, as witches and wizards we have a certain liking for the number 7. This will be given to you for each line and needn't be inserted. Have fun, Severus!
Hit By A Bludger
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Promising New Professional With Puddlemere A new face has entered the Quidditch pitch, write Fred and George Weasley. Undoubtedly one of the more exciting new finds of the coaches this season has been promising young Oliver Wood. Wood, hired immediately after he had finished his education at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, has always been quite a good Quidditch player. In fact, as Madam Hooch, Hogwarts’ Quidditch referee-in-chief, exclusively | revealed,
“He always was the most superb flyer I’ve ever seen”. That can only be agreed
to, even though Oliver had to live up to the memories of Charlie Weasley’s
performances in the pitch. However, Wood was never doubting his own talent – and
the team has never doubted Wood’s dedication to the sport. Apparently, the talent scouts of the British Quidditch League thought just the same. Puddlemere’s coach, Gareth Monmouth, says, “Wood’s been determined to show his talents as a Keeper. We’ve given him the chance to play, and frankly, he played | most satisfactorily.” Which, translated for our
dear readers, means that Oliver Wood’s saves haven’t lost an inch of their
spectacular quality since he left Hogwarts. Even though Puddlemere has to struggle to reach the upper half of the League, this is definitely not to blame on their youngster. Maybe, if coach Monmouth just let Oliver loose more often, Puddlemere would have a better chance for the top position. Anyway, folks, keep an eye out for Oliver Wood! (F&G Weasley) |