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Travelling Tales

To uncover another muggle mystery we decided to visit one of the many muggle shops. As it happened this was one which sold baking equipment for wood-burning stoves – for those of you who don’t know what that is, baking is the process in which for example bread is produced. They sold ovens, stoves, baking trays, flour and various other items – your advertisement could be placed here – we had no idea of buying. As it turned out to be a rather boring and dull experience seeing as they had no bread for us poor hungry broom reporters we left fairly

quickly to find a more useful occupation. We decided we needed a brush up in history and therefore visited two castles. The first was the home of a museum which displayed all sorts of muggle things ranging from Chinese execution swords to radios. Muggles collect really everything – even broken pottery. If you want to dispose of any of your muggle artefacts just give them to a museum. The second castle was – sort of – a real castle through which we could walk with a guide. There were lots of ugly things decorated in gold and some truly ancient paintings. (Note: Ancient refers to 1680

AD, which is impressive to all of us who are not used to older things.) unfortunately none of these pictures moved either. However, this time we knew better than to make them do so. Brides to be and new brides crossed our ways in the castle for muggles seem to think that a wedding in a castle was very romantic. However, how romantic is it when you’ve got only time enough to say yes before the next couple crams in? Anyway, good luck! Yours, Brian & Mike

The Coolest Canvas Minstrel

broom's Best Bad Boy Board

Unfortunately, Ramon Vargas escaped the Aurors sent to his last known quarters in Knockturn Alley. Even more unfortunately, he committed his first confirmed murder. We are very sorry to announce that the family of Daniel Rutherford has been attacked in their Oxford home. Late last night a neighbour called in Muggle pleasemen because of a commotion and flashes of green light at the Rutherfords’. The please found the dead bodies of Daniel Rutherford, his wife Emma and their 4-year-old daughter Elizabeth. Daniel Rutherford was an absolvent of Hogwarts and went on to Oxford as part of the Advanced Muggle Studies programme called into life by headmaster Albus Dumbledore and Professor Emerson Dicket. Moving fast through his studies, Daniel became a tutor for new students trying to come to terms with leading a thoroughly unsuspicious Muggle life. After some years, Daniel decided to give up his magical abilities and handed in his

wand. He married Emma and worked as a teacher at a local comprehensive school. No doubt a wizard like Daniel who turned Muggle was a real shame in the eyes of Lord Voldemort and his followers. The prime targets so far have been innocent Muggles and members or supporters of the Order of the Phoenix. It was only a matter of time before they moved on to attacks on Squibs, Muggle-borns and those who purposefully gave up magic. Vargas will no doubt have gained in value and reputation by this act of cold-blooded murder. Any information on his present whereabouts should be given immediately to Helen Uptown, the Auror in charge of the Vargas-case. We wish to offer our deeply-felt regret and sorrow about the deaths of Daniel, Emma and Elizabeth Rutherford to their kin and friends.

NEW BEST BAD BOY FOR 2006!

After a year with Ramon Vargas that eventually led us to the sad news of the Rutherford-murders we are in need of a new Best Bad Boy. Therefore we present you our new list of candidates and hope you will vote for them as uninfluenced as you did for Vargas. Here’s to you! 1. Harry Potter (aka the Chosen One) 2. Brian Cullen (aka the Dunderhead) 3. Mike Flatley (aka the Witless) 4. Tom Marvolo Riddle (aka the Dark Lord) 5. Hunter Preston (aka the Axe of Evil) 6. Roland Banks (aka the Pimpled Menace)

7. Severus Snape (aka the Half-Blood Prince) 8. Rufus Scrimgeour (aka the Other Minister) Yes, you can count very well – eight possible choices, as seven is the most magical number and one as you will know is nothing. Now it is up to you to select one of them. A year of news on that person will follow. Please note that if you offer valuable information on any of them it must be forwarded to the Auror in charge before it is published in broom. Nevertheless you may rest assured to be able to stay anonymous should you wish to. Please vote now for your personal Best Bad Boy!

A Night at the Movies with broom

(Muggle World) Gripping their magic carpet, Brian Cullen and Mike Flatley ventured into the Muggle World to have an exclusive glimpse at the latest blockbuster Potter-movie. Here is an insight into their experiences! First of all, it was absolutely exciting to have to change our coins for ‘bills’. Yes, we also stopped and wondered what ‘bills’ were supposed to be. Do Muggles use people as money? Some tribes use shells, but people? But then, Muggles are of course among the weirdest creatures nature brought forth, so you never know what they come up with. It turned out that ‘bills’ were just slips of paper with numbers printed on them. Not very spectacular, after all. However, we used those ‘bills’ to buy our way into a darkened hall with rows and rows of upholstered chairs. All of the chairs had numbers, and when we checked the numbers on our tickets, we found our seats quite easily. Perhaps that would be an idea worth to consider for the next match of Quidditch at Hogwarts. Not only could the sale of tickets make a lot of money for the school but the numbers of the seats would stop all that crowding in the stands. Anyway, provided with a large sack of popcorn and two mega-sized cokes, we sat down and waited. People came in, found their seats as we did, then the lights dimmed out slowly. We were about to leave again, when lo and behold, the

curtain opened and something began to move on a screen. It was rather like moving paintings, only that the images changed continually. Who would have thought it possible that Muggles would come up with such an ingenious way to replace magic? (Note: Both Mr Cullen and Mr Flatley attended the Muggle Studies classes with Prof. Dicket, but they never paid much attention. Of course Prof. Dicket covers the topic of TV and cinema.) Our only problem now was that the film we paid for did not run at once. There were advertisements for local shops and the like, there were advertisements for upcoming films – one with magical creatures fighting, one with a big ape crashing cars. Hm. Did Muggles really never see a troll? That ape was mighty like one, if you ask us. Then the lights went on again, and we were completely at a loss. Was that it? Did we buy our way into this just to find out it was fraud? We were discussing this when a man came in asking if anyone wanted to have an ice-cream. What a service! Nobody wanted an ice-cream though, and since he most probably wouldn’t have Droobles Best Blowing Gum we demurred as well. Then the lights went out again and we were hoping for our film to begin. After all, we wanted to see how the Muggle managed to make Hogwarts and the others look like. And we wanted to see ourselves at the Triwizard Tournament. Which was the moment we realized that

we hadn’t been asked to participate in making this film. Neither had anyone else we asked. The Magpies, Emerson Dicket, Charlie Weasley – nobody had been asked. And the film didn’t begin either. We were seriously considering paying a call to the manager when we saw something that made our hearts miss a beat. A graveyard we knew perfectly well since somebody told us about that quite cheerfully as the creepiest place he’d ever been. Yes, Hengist, don’t hide. You said you and the kids in Little Hangleton used to go there for testing your courage. And you also told us your great-grandparents were buried under a monument with a figure of death with its sickle. And we saw all that. Creepy, creepy, creepy. But at last we got something for our money. Still, there is one question to ask. Why weren’t we asked to play ourselves? Why weren’t we asked to write the screenplay? Why didn’t we make loads of money with the film? Why couldn’t we ask Professor Snape to hit Harry again and again and again? Why, come to think of it, couldn’t we order Professor Snape around at all – which would have been heaven, considering how he used to order us? We’d be pleased if someone answered those questions, and even more pleased to get a nice cheque for all our ideas worked into the film so far. And for the omission of ourselves, of course. Pay us, we want fame! (BC & MF)

Magic, Mayhem, and Krum’s Bottom

Since Brian Cullen and Mike Flatley have been valiant enough to venture into a Muggle cinema, they couldn’t keep their quills down and have come up with a review of the latest Harry-Potter-adventure, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Lumos! It all began with a graveyard. Incidentally, it all ended with a graveyard too, which is uncommonly appropriate because the man this film is largely about did come to life on a graveyard and hopefully will see himself buried on another one in the near future. To all of you who are now frowning in puzzlement, we’re talking about Lord Voldemort AKA Tom Marvolo Riddle AKA the Dark Lord AKA… You get the gist. Anyway, a warning to those of you who either have kids or whose nerves are rather frail. Be prepared for grisly scenes and a Muggle version of Voldemort that is too close to the truth to be a joke. Then again, maybe the worst is what you DON’T see. Alright, alright, since we all threw you into major confusion, let’s start with a huge kudos to all the actors who did a great job. Yes, even the kids. Yes, even Harry himself. Which of course leads to our reverence to Alan Rickman who is as usual making us feel like students again with his sheer presence. He doesn’t need to speak. He is more physical, speaking

with Hermione. We are sure that all of you who watched the film will agree that the director managed to capture the atmosphere of the book and the gist of the action quite well. He never overdoes either humour or horror, it’s nicely balanced and well done. There’s loads of magic in this film, of course, and the portkey is ingenious. The other kind of magic, the Unforgivable Curses and the Dark Mark (mind you, not Mark Mulligan, but a green skull – we were rather disappointed), was scary enough. By the way, Moody must mind his spelling, he writes ‘unforgiveable’. Yes. Well. Apparently spelling wasn’t taught at Auror school. We enjoyed the dragon – Charybdis, poor dear, certainly Hengist did have a word with the boy for harming the poor dear dragon. We also enjoyed the stadium for the Quidditch World Cup. Oh wow, that woke remembrances – that atmosphere, and could somebody please throw Cornelius Fudge down into the pitch? Or later into the maze at Hogwarts. But no, he stays the same fudged-up Fudge, and Dumbledore’s row with him is perfect. As are the nice allusions to Severus Snape’s loyalties. We, of course, stay firm in our loving loyalty to his Lordship, his Princeship, whatever. But it was nasty to have him be the first to suggest having Harry as a bait for

Voldemort, and Karkaroff screaming in the pensieve-scene about Snape’s allegiance to Voldemort. It did make us think, and think again, and then feel grateful for the safety that gives to Severus Snape. As for mayhem, a large part of that is not owed to the Weasley-twins, but to the Death Eaters, who look like Ku-Klux-Klan members. We would love to know that spell Voldemort uses to punish them. Seems great fun. Voldemort himself isn’t fun, but he lacks a nose. To all not familiar with Freud’s theories of literature: That means he’s impotent. Unfortunately his powers in every other field are growing again, and Ralph Fiennes makes a great job out of this role. He seems to enjoy himself. Hm. Perhaps he’s a Death Eater? To the great disappointment of Patience Wood, the bottom of Viktor Krum did not feature much in the movie. He was rarely shown from behind, and mostly when he was wearing robes. That was a pity, she said. Much more obvious were the ugly teeth of Igor Karkaroff. And Moody’s nose, eye, leg… And Moody, in short. No offence, Mad-Eye! You see we’re trying to not give away too much – but we can tell you this: This movie is worth watching, and watching it pronto is what you should do. And watch out for the Death Eaters, will you? Nox! (BC&MF)

Crossword

1 









2 
 VII
 
 VIII
 
 II







 


 





3 



4 
 
 IX
 
 
 
 
5 
 
 VI



 


 



 

 




6 

 
7 


 

 


8 

 

 
 V


 

 


 

 


 


 




 

 

9 
 
 
 I
 
 
 


 IV

 


 







10 
 
 
 
 
 X







 

 










11 
 
 
 III
 
 
 
 

Across 2 class- and house-mate of Patience, Hengist and Anne, also friend to Down 1 4 owner of the Kebap Castle 9 former teacher of Defence Against the Dark Arts 10 arch-enemy of Patience, Hengist and Anne, also friend to Down 2 11 headmistress of another magical school

Down 1 class- and house-mate of Patience, Hengist and Anne, also friend to Across 2 2 Sebastian-enemy of Patience, Hengist and Anne, also friend to Across 10 3 father of Anne, not Symmons 5 teacher for Muggle Studies 6 successor of Across 9 spelled backwards, not NWORB-RETSWERB 7 nickname of one of Patience's relatives 8 setting of horrible hunting house spelled backwards

The looked for phrase:

____ ____ ____ ____ ____    ____ ____ ____ ____ ____!
I    II   III  IV   V       VI   VII  VIII IX   X

A Musical Excursion to Gilbert and Sullivan

So far we have taken you mainly on etymological excursions, but today our way leads into the world of music, where there is sound everywhere and the single note can change the whole piece. Maybe you have heard about the Victorian Era’s great composers William S. Gilbert and Arthur S. Sullivan? Yes? Well, if not, they created such unforgettable masterpieces as The Pirates of Penzance. But not only this operetta, beloved by many British, has attracted our interest. We were sent onto the road by a little research on the topic of Oscar Wilde. Wilde, himself an eminent figure of the Victorian Era, should have been a wizard

but was not, what a shame. We were nevertheless exploring all probabilities, when we found the following: He was made fun of as ‘the fat poet with a lily in his medieval hand’ in a Gilbert-and-Sullivan-operetta. Now you will certainly feel swimming in the wild waters around Penzance. Never you worry, we will safely see you back to the coast with the following hint: The operetta in question bears the same name as one of our dearest friends, our Moon Child, Patience. Yes, yes, believe it or not, the operetta is called Patience. In fact it is called Patience or Ladies,  Poets and Dragoons. Intrigued, we went deeper into the subject. It turned out that this operetta was a

comedy. Patience is a milkmaid who is carefully introduced into the niceties of love and society. She is the innocent maiden from the country who falls in love with the aesthetic London life of the 1890s – namely, with poets of the kind of Wilde. We were howling with laughter by then. Our Patience, not a milkmaid but a Moon Child, is absolutely not in love with poets. Or her current companion must have acquired talents as yet unknown to the world. But, but, but, as we do not want to be sued or hated by our dear friend, we shall say as much: This comedy operetta is fun, and so is this article! (MF & BC)

Horrorscope

Aquarius: You’ll be lucky this month: adventurous in love, getting compliments and having a cosy time with your partner – yes, you’re definitely on the bright side this month. Pisces: You’ve got to get your butt up, folks! Nothing’s going to happen unless you yourself take in into your hands. Go on, do something! Aries: You’re down? Yeah, well, we can’t help you there, and if you want to sulk at home, then do so. Certainly nobody wants to live with a spoilsport like you. Taurus: Such a calm month will be worth to remember. What about a nice walk in the park? Only watch out for dragons, you might get burned. Gemini: You need time for yourself. You really do, for the Bubotuber Pus isn’t ripe yet, and maybe you had better cure those pimples before you go out again. Cancer: You’ve got bees in your bottom this month and that’ll make everyone else hate you. Maybe you had better prepare for good anti-hex charms. Leo: Personal interests? You must have some, so if your

poisons need stirring or your plants watering, deal with them this month. Virgo: You need to be a bit more sportive. A good game of Quidditch has never done anybody any harm. Go on, be a Seeker once again. Libra: Don’t you dare be so bad-tempered! We shall certainly send you a Howler if you are, and we will find out your address. Beware! Scorpio: Oh, lazy, lazy, lazy days for you! It’s going to be a wonderful time for you, but maybe your boss won’t be too pleased, and so maybe you should get some application forms ready. Sagittarius: You’re the centre of entertainment this month. Whether you land face first in the mud in a Quidditch match or get a nasty burn by a dragon or even get bitten by a snapdragon – you’re the star! Capricorn: Compromises are clearly foreign language for you these days. That leads up to bad arguments, new jobs, new relationships and in general an uprising of your world. Get organised and please remember to tell us your new address, so that broom can still be delivered to you.

Disclaimer: All names, characters and places are property of J.K. Rowling and Warner bros., except of those not found in the "Harry Potter" books and movies which belong to Ulrike Friedrich and Kirsten Seelbach. No financial and/or commercial gain is intended.