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Half-Bold Half-Blood Prince Better Hiding Before Hunt

Magical Marriage

Nostalgia

It hit us like some ghost running through you: a cold shock! We, having had the privilege of going to school with the infamous Malignant Magpies, have never thought to interview them. So we are especially proud to have them here now: Anne Symmons, Patience Wood, and Hengist Alret. BC: Welcome, Magpies. It’s really good to see you again – and we can have a nice, nostalgic chat about past times. MF: Yes, everything was much better back then, wasn’t it? HA: Do you think so? Back at school, you mean? BC: Why, yes. Don’t you agree? Anne? AS: Well, school was certainly different. MF: Wise answer. How did you come to be the Malignant Magpies? PW: We chose the name. It was appropriate at the time to have a name that could be connected with all our pranks. HA: Besides, it was something the Slytherins could keep in mind. You know, it was difficult for some of our adversaries to remember all our names. (laughs) BC: You were raging a constant war against Slytherin. Why? AS: Good question. I think it was something that began on our very first meeting with the three guys. (Names must not be mentioned, or else broom faces yet another lawsuit.) HA: Plus, it’s a fact that there always has been a strong rivalry between

Slytherin and Gryffindor. It’s tradition, it seems, and we still see it today. BC: Yes, today. When you yourselves were students at Hogwarts, you were known for being responsible for most of the pranks played, only to be rivalled by Fred and George Weasley once they started. What did you do after finishing school? PW: We went to Oxford, to do Advanced Muggle Studies. MF: Does that imply you were forbidden to do magic? HA: Yes. AS: Theoretically, that is. BC: Beg your pardon? AS: Have you ever tried to live without magic? It’s simply impossible! HA: Anne, Muggles do manage. AS: Sure, but they’re used to it. We’re not. BC: I imagine it was hard. Did you see anyone from school at Oxford? PW: One of the three Slytherins we disliked most was there, too, so we did have the same rivalry running on. Only it wasn’t that much fun any longer, as he wasn’t the brightest. There was no… what shall I say? AS: No challenge involved. You could do the most stupid stuff, and it worked. MF: How did you come back to Hogwarts? AS: By train. BC: My revered fellow editor wanted to know why you came back, I guess. PW: We were called to be assistant teachers. Professor Dumbledore wanted us to come back – Anne and

me, that is. HA: I went to Romania to learn how to deal with dragons. BC: Cool! How did you survive? HA: That was no great problem, but, yes, I did get some burns. MF: Hengist, you joined your two friends later, then? HA: I came back here for the Triwizard Tournament. And then I stayed. BC: As simple as that? PW: Don’t try to separate the Malignant Magpies, Brian. BC: I’d never dare to. Why that name, by the way? Neither of you has feathers, and neither of you is especially malignant. AS: I can’t remember, but it’s such a nice alliteration. Might be that that was the reason we chose the name. HA: Or maybe it was like the Quidditch team, Montrose Magpies? PW: Not with Anne! MF: Anne used to hate Quidditch. And that with Patience being Hogwarts’ most biased Quidditch commentator, and Hengist Gryffindor Seeker, and us the beaters of the team that never won the Cup after Charlie Weasley left. AS: Now, hate is too strong a word. I think it simply boring. MF: Dear readers, we love Quidditch, and everyone else does, too, I’m sure. Anne, Hengist, Patience, thank you for having taken time off teaching the students up at the castle to answer our questions. BC: It was a wonderfully nostalgic event, and we hope to see you quite often down here at Hogsmeade. (BC/ MF)

broom's Best Bad Boy Board

Have you ever even considered to do necromancy? No? Then maybe you’re not a former Slytherin. Or if you are – congrats on your brains not to deal with something as dangerous. Vargas was not as clever. Not at all. Together with some fellows he tried to invoke someone dead. Clearly, this is not what you should do even with the kindest grandfather. Dead people called back to the living can be quite bad-tempered, especially if you call them from a really interesting game of Wizard’s Chess with their mates. The grandfather called was a Nott, yes, yes, from the Death Eater family. What else did you expect, eh??? Lucky us: Grandfather Vargas would no doubt have killed us all.

Or worse, grandmother Vargas. Coming from such a nice family, maybe it is better not to get involved with necromancy and conjuring up the dead at all. Be that as it is, Vargas was involved in doing necromancy. Why does that make him a likely Best Bad Boy? Just imagine a powerful dark wizard (and there’s no mistaking it, even if we make fun of him, he does have great powers) summoning his late family members and building up the old crowd to fight with Voldemort. Picture it. Now, do you see why Vargas’ abilities and knowledge make him a really, really bad boy?

Our New Pope
        - Special -

How to Choke Cardinals and Elect an Inquisitor Even in the Wizarding World, the tremors of the great earthquakes in Muggle politics are felt. So you might want to get some more information on what happened in the past month of April. A lot, so much is sure. We sent our one and only Muggle liaison, Dustin Dulles, to find information for us. The first thing I did, writes Dustin Dulles of broom, was to apparate at Rome on the 2nd of April in this memorable year. It was one hell of a crowd there, all silent except for the inevitable praying monks and nuns and even some faithful Catholics. Then it was announced that Pope John Paul II. had passed away. It clearly was a sad day, but a great relief to an old man who had been very, very ill for the last decade. I thought everything would be over by then – but no! Muggles have developed a ritual that enables them to dodge democracy and elect anyone of the ranks of Cardinal as the next pope. That ritual was established some thousand years ago, and it’s basically forcing some cardinals to agree on one candidate. Over the centuries, that process has sometimes been rather complicated. So the cardinals were forced to eat only bread and water, or others had to suffer sitting in a room without a roof. Others again (that was before this so-called Conclave had been thought of) were simply appointed by the Roman Emperor. Not the heathens, to be sure, but those Roman Emperors you find through all the Middle Ages, mostly Germans.

Theoretically, every Catholic man of over 14 years of age can be elected pope. You don’t do that, however, but choose among your own ranks. A cardinal, then, had to be the new pope. And now imagine this: the gorgeous Sixtine Chapel filled with 115 old men (none older than 80, though, but ancient enough, if you ask me) who should agree on one of them to be their next boss. Urgh. Alright, maybe it would have been even worse had the voters been women. (Hey! The female staff of broom want to announce their protest!) But what is really the top of the fun is the means of announcing that these old dotards were successful: smoke. Even wizards got past using smoke signs ages ago. I mean, ever seen some wizards communicating via smoke rings lately? Me neither. And Muggles have such sophisticated technologies like cellphones and telephones and whatever you want. E-owls. Mails, I mean. But no, they use smoke in the Vatican. Trust tradition, they say. Yeah, but this year, this conclave ended pretty early. Only one and a half day, only four trials. You may say, well, they agreed pretty quickly on one candidate. Think, readers of broom, think! How likely is it that 115 ambitious men agree on one of their own in less than a week??? Exactly. So me, I went to find out what really happened. And here’s the report from inside the conclave. What miracles apparating and a good Invisibility Cloak can perform! The cardinals were discussing in Latin, and every second I feared someone might utter a spell and reveal he’s a wizard. But it seems none of them is, and the only bad thing were waves of incense.

I, for one, can’t think straight with too much incense around. Obviously, that is why they use it so much in churches. Thinking spoils the ritualistic theatre, doesn’t it? Besides, thinking is not required in the Catholic church – you’ll end up a heretic if you think too much. Merlin’s beard! Right, the cardinals there were bickering like a cage full of madmen. Everyone was pointing out the advantages for his choice – one was best because his Italian was flawless, one because he was old enough to get the next pope installed in a year at the latest, one because he was almost deaf and so had to be told in writing everything he needed to know. You can imagine it easily that nobody got the better of the others. So after the first unsuccessful voting, black smoke was issued. Outside. And inside, too – the cardinals were coughing and spluttering. It was all a mistake, of course. The next time smoke issued, the same happened, and then one cardinal said simply: “If you want to stop being choked, elect me. Of course, suffocation by carbon monoxide makes beautiful corpses.” The cardinals were stunned. “I can give you great power – and if I’m not pope, well, I’ll still be the most powerful man in the Vatican. I’m head of the Inquisition, and if I want to, I’ll excommunicate you, all of you, for petty accusations.” He leaned back and waited and watched, and the others were mute and scribbled his name on the ballots. The white smoke rose, and me and the cardinals fled from the smoke-filled chapel. So the new pope was announced, and I will remain here in Rome to witness the celebrations until he is finally installed in the seat of St Peter. (DD)

A Royal Wedding

(Windsor) Brian and Mike, the faithful reporters of broom, hopped onto broom’s own flying carpet and jetted over to the wonderful village of Windsor. Of course, they could have chosen any day, but they decided to go on April, 9th. So why don’t we look over the shoulders of Brian and Mike as they join the royal wedding. And look, they are already there. But, hang on, over there, isn’t that another familiar face? Oh sorry, forgot, you cannot see anything. MF: Next time, I’ll land the magic carpet! BC: Hey look, don’t we know her? MF: Brian, you really should come up with a new phrase. No woman falls for this any longer. BC: HEY ANNE! OVER HERE! MORE TO THE LEFT! THE TWO HANDSOME MEN! YES! HI! MF: That’s Anne! BC: That’s what I’ve been saying all of the time. AS: Hey you guys. I didn’t know you were invited. MF: Does that mean you are? AS: Does that mean you weren’t? BC: No! AS: Well, good that you made so much noise. MF: Who has invited you? AS: Well, it’s the wedding of HRH Prince Charles and the Countess of Cornwall who do you think invited me? BC: Who? AS: The same person that didn’t invite you! MF: It’s great that you are here, so; tell us, who are all these snobs? AS: Well, for a start, I’d like to introduce you to Brian… BC: Very funny, really. MF: No, Anne, really. I fear we don’t know anyone except for you! AS: Oh, I’m not so sure of that. Somewhere around here are my sister Glenda and Gilderoy Lockhart. She has dyed her hair especially for this event. BC: Gilderoy Lockhart? AS: My sister, Brian! BC: You have another sister called Brian?

AS: No, unless our parents and youhave a secret… BC: Gilderoy Lockhart, if that isn’t cool? MF: Having lived in the muggle world for so long, Miss Symmons, which other celebrities are familiar to you? AS: Are you pretending to be a reporter now? Well, let’s see, in order of importance there will be the Queen with her husband, the Prince of Wales with his wife, naturally, the prince’s sons… BC: We will get those! But what about the others? AS: Well, the man over there is Mr. Rowan Atkinson. He is a famous muggle comedian. MF: Did he do anything to become known to the wizarding world? AS: As a matter of fact he was said to play Voldemort on screen but he said he wouldn’t. BC: A comedian playing Voldemort, I think that is the right approach to the topic. Who is said to play us? AS: Our roles were cut, I’m afraid. But we are in very good company for so are the roles of Emerson and Vargas. MF: I wouldn’t call Vargas a good company…however, let’s go back to our present company. I think I can see Gilderoy Lockhart over there. Do you happen to know that beautiful woman next to him? AS: That’s my sister. BC: You’ve never told us that your sister was so beautiful! AS: I must have forgotten. Here comes the muggle Prime Minister, Mr. Tony Blair with his wonderful wife. MF: Do you reckon minister Fudge will be here, too? AS: Well, I haven’t seen him yet but I will shout out if I do. This beautiful couple is the Crown Prince of Norway with his wife. And just behind them you can get a glance of Richard E. Grant, a very famous muggle actor. BC: STEPHEN FRY, THERE IS STEPHEN FRY! Stephen: Where? AS: I think we better go inside now. You will have to find a seat. It won’t be easy to add two additional chairs without anyone noticing! MF: Where do you sit, Anne? AS: Next to my sister and Gilderoy

Lockhart. BC: How nice! AS: Shut up, here comes the Queen. Stand up, take a bow and try to keep a low profile. Glenda: Whom did you meet, Anne? Two handsome guys and I should never have noticed them before. I can hardly believe it! BC: Well, you aren’t so bad yourself. I can’t believe that HRH the Prince marries Ms Parker-Bowles when he could just as well have asked you. Glenda: You are very gallant… BC: Brian… AS: Lord Brian, the owner of the magical magazine and this is Lord Flatley his associate. Glenda: The owners of the magical magazine, did you here that Gily darling. You must know that my husband is the famous adventurer and hero Gilderoy Lockhart. MF: Who wouldn’t recognize Mr. Lockhart! AS: Who would care? Glenda: How did you get to know HRH Prince Charles? You must know that he used to stay at one of our tenants in a bed and breakfast place. BC: Oh, we can’t even remember how we got to know Charlie. MF: No, hardly possible. One of the greatest men this world has. AS: Shush, the royal couple, same procedure as with the Queen. BC: I can see Stephen Fry, Anne; I think he is one of the greatest writers and actors the wizarding world has. AS: Shut up, Brian, or we will all get thrown out. As the dear readers will know, the ceremony passed without any particular incidents, which are not common to these sorts of things and no harm was done except that both the bride and the bridegroom said yes and by this sentenced the other to a lifetime of marriage. Please make sure to not miss our next edition of broom when we will report from the after party. For this edition we would like to give our best wishes to HRH the Prince of Wales and his wife and remain yours faithfully. (ALL)

broom’s 100th visitor

(The Internet) Wednesday, March 30th, 2004, has seen the 100th visitor of broom. We here at broom sent out all of our reporters to find the new celebrity. You might not know it but there is a reward, namely 1.000.000 Galleons for the 100th visitor. Therefore it is only natural that the visitor wants to stay anonymous. Of course, we do not bother too much about such things here at broom. We hopped onto a flying carpet and travelled over to the home of the latest millionaire-to-be. The welcome was restrained until we revealed our true identities as givers of money – a lot of money. We were asked inside and to hand over the reward. Naturally, we here at broom inquired what was to happen with the money, for we would never support immoral doings like a subscription to the Daily Prophet. However, this wasn’t planned. The happy receiver wanted to spend the rest of [personal pronoun intentionally left out in order to keep the true identity of our visitor a secret] life.

It was promised by the visitor that broom would be a constant companion. Unfortunately, we had to inform the visitor that there would be no more editions of broom since all of our money and actually more than that had gone to the 100th visitor. broom's 100th visitor (blackened for the sake of privacy) at home (blackened for the sake of privacy) with a reporter of broom (blackened for the sake of the readers). The visitor generously agreed to step in as a

financial supporter returning the money before even having received it. But, what else would you have expected of a regular reader of broom?! We here at broom would like to announce that we consider the possibility of providing a reward for the 1.000.000th visitor of broom. According to our head-mathematician this should be the case in 90.000 months, that is in 7500 years from now. It is approximately 112.499 editions of broom away. So be sure to stick around broom by the end of March 9505. the reward will be 100 Galleons. Don’t forget to make sure to check out our monthly brand new editions of our magazine. If you have any questions do not hesitate to contact us. We will be very happy about any sort of constructive or positive response. And who knows, you might well be the 1.000.000th visitor of broom and then we would see us in April 9505. Once again we would like to congratulate our 100th visitor and thank all of the other 99 visitors who have made this possible. (ALL)

A May-Day-Thing

It is a truth universally acknowledged that May is the one month in the year to fall in love – that is, Muggles see it as such. Wizards tend to fall in love every second day, at least if you take some people we don’t want to mention as an example. However, broom’s indefatigable editors Mike Flatley and Brian Cullen found a wonderful Muggle test to evaluate your flirting abilities. However, as a woman was required for the test, they asked Violet Vainglory to do one half, while Brian Cullen did his best to understand the Q & As for men. Violet: Let me see… “You just got to know each other and he tells you that he is going to go to Thailand tomorrow – to stay there for six weeks. What to do now?” Tough one. I’d say, leave well alone. If he’s worth it, he might remember me. Brian: How could anyone forget you, Vi? And you really don’t want to go to Thailand, with bikini packed? Violet: No. Brian: Right. The next one for you is… ehm… Violet: “You’re not one of those women who decide to break up. Instead, men leave you. Why did your last boyfriend leave you?” Brian: You had a boyfriend? Violet: I’ve been married three times already. Brian: Violet, you are much too young…

Violet: Not for three three-week-marriages, I’m not. But let me answer. I think I never really understood why my third husband left me. Trouble is, I can’t even ask him for he made himself unplottable. Brian: I just wonder why… Well, Vi, your next question is “Some people have to be forced to their luck – what do you think about that?” Violet: Exactly. You know, I guess I’m going to do that class on oil-painting moving pictures. Brian: You don’t have the least talent, Vi. Violet: No, but the cute guy from the flat opposite mine does. Maybe I can get him to be my naked model. Brian: Unbelievable. Violet, the next one for you: “You go shopping for books. Which book will you buy?” Violet: 1000 Love Potions for Everybody. Volume Three, because I already own the two previous volumes. Brian: Why doesn’t that surprise me? Vi, one last question for you: “You are absolutely sure that you and he belong together. Why exactly?” Violet: I always get what I want. Brian: Congrats, Violet, I may safely proclaim that you are absolutely batty. Violet: Yes, Brian, thanks a lot – let’s see what you will get. “You stand behind the woman of your life while she’s paying in a shop. She signs the bill, and you can read her name. What do you do?”

Brian: Well, I guess her name will be my new mantra and I’ll hug everyone I meet. Including lantern posts. Violet: How sweet! Now, let’s do the next one: “One the whole you like yourself. But sometimes you tend to get too close to your partner. Why?” Brian: I am rather good-looking, of course, and I never tended to get too close to my girls. That’s too much trouble. Violet: Oh… I see… Well, how about that one, then? “You found out where she goes for a drink. Unfortunately it’s a terrible pub. Are you going there?” Brian: Can’t be worse than the Hog’s Head, can it? And the drinks will be cheap, so maybe I can get drunk, and she can get drunk, and we’ll have loads of fun. Violet: You’re such an… Ah, don’t let you get upset, Vi, he’s not worth it but he pays your wages… Brian, the next one: “You had your first night together. The next morning, she’s gone. What do you do?” Brian: Usually I’m the one to leave, but if she does – fine by me, saved the breakfast for her. Violet: You’re definitely a psycho, Brian. Definitely. Brian: But a good-looking one. broom wishes all of you out there who are in love good luck and a lot of fun together! (ALL)

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