broom Breaking News

May Musical

The melodious music hopefully heard in the outside environment is possibly produced by beautiful birds. This marvellous music mostly makes our miserable moods magnificently miraculous. The seasonal sixth months of welcome winter were far too frosty and likely too long, now no one merely misses the cold

calendar category. Surprising spring simply shows its friendly face. Some shy sunbeams momentarily manage to make their way down to mother earth. Warm winds are the recent result of this seasonal change. Hereby we happily announce that this spring season has certainly started. Enjoy! (ALL)

Tempting Tax Tourism

(Muggle World) Since many Muggles fervently feel they would like to basely betray their suffering state in not properly paying taxes, the nerdy news this past month might have been very unwelcome to them: Not even tactfully telling the police that they did betray the state is going to have them exempt of penalty.
Actually, evil exemption from lawful law enforcement is not specifically suitable anyway to any kind of callous crime. Admittedly, there are various levels of crime and tax fraud is perhaps not exactly a cruel capital offence. However, imagine what could be paid with all the tax revenue NOT ending in the

state budget: schools, kindergartens, streets, public transport, social security systems, health systems, and so on. Now, what would you prefer: That everyone who is honest pays more and more in taxes to finance all the above-mentioned institutions? That the institutions are privatised so that only affluent people can afford to use them? Or that people committing tax fraud are prosecuted properly and pay up? Please keep in mind that tax fraud is only lucrative with large amounts of money – we are not talking about the average person here, but the very top of the rich list. We know what we think, but feel free to make up your minds. (MF)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Initial International Embarrassing Hat Day

This April, 27, proved to be the initial international Embarrassing Hat Day. Our sympathetic slave – sorry elaborate employee – was the first and foremost willing wearer of a hilariously comical headgear, still being number one doesn't necessarily oppose to there being a second one. Besides, being the second one is in itself an open opposition, still the fine fact is that it can't be the very first and consequently can only clearly come to be the certain second thing. The same thing being but only one cannot be truly turned into two or many more and obviously has to be but one.

 Be that as it may, the main thing being the hilarious headgear that in the first affair seemed to be simply striped and fashioned in the fashion of the 70s and the second one [sic] bringing back a similarly long ago late 70s early 80s in the dashing disguise of honest Gilligan's headgear. This guy Gilligan is the interesting if not intelligent inhabitant of the eponymous island, mind you, it might make more sense the other way round. The future forecast for the next year says that there will be some more serious and peculiar people having hats.
Hats off! (ALL)

newbroom-e-gram

April 1 – April Fool’s Day, but for once we are no fools and enjoy Easter. Hooray!
April 8 – It’s Slave No.1’s birthday. Strangely enough she does not celebrate it with us and says she’d rather celebrate with friends. Well, since we take every excuse for celebrating, we have a birthday bash in her honour if not in her presence.
April 16 – We are waiting for another minister to resign. Actually we are on tenterhooks. Maybe, just maybe we can overthrow another government. It would at least make nice headlines for the next edition.
April 20 – Apparently no upheaval anywhere is possible. How

sad! And all that when the German minister for labour was so good to try and break up the government over the old question of women’s rights. We should have chosen a man to do the job properly, women are just no good in top jobs.
April 24 – Our slaves are on strike because we treat women badly and think them inferior. We do not think our employees inferior. They ARE inferior, Merlin’s beard, because we are the bosses. Full stop.
April 29 – We had to grovel and beg the employees to take up their jobs again. Otherwise we wouldn’t be able to announce gleefully that another edition has been finished on time.

The Muggle Camp: I’m not a Muggle - Get me out of here!

(Bury St.Dorothy) Another one bites the dust. Who would have thought that unpredictable events take care of newbroom's latest show. Today we have no candidate to say good bye to, but listen to Harriet and Leslie who will put you in the picture.
“Yes, Leslie, what a show the last one was.” “Quite right Harriet. Our candidates had to take care of the garden the Muggle way. Not everyone participated but one candidate discovered his addiction if not to gardening then at least to some of its plants.” “Yes, Leslie, and having revealed so much in our live show, police forces came to...” “...take care of Stubby. And he also asked us to mention that the next concerts are cancelled because he will have to serve the government for a while.”
“But Leslie, some of our candidates are still with us and promise to turn today's episode into a highlight.” “I totally agree, Harriet. Will you reveal to our viewers which task our candidates have to face today?” “Leslie, it will be my pleasure: today's task is to go shopping to a Muggle shop, get the things they will need for the next couple of days plus one item per person that a Muggle would buy.” “If that doesn't sound interesting, Harriet, then I don't know.” “Leslie, it does not only sound interesting it also is interesting!”
“Dolores, we must have a good plan for the shopping today.” “You're right, Cornelius. Well, what would you buy if you were a Muggle?” “A mask so that no one can see me.” giggling
“Madam Pince, this is so exciting. Who would have thought that there are so many technical devices in a Muggle shop. Do you think all of these work with eccletricity? “Oh, I really don't know, Arthur, but it all seems to me to be pretty scaring.” “Not to worry, you know, Muggles are human beings just like you and me – well, almost, but they're certainly more scared of us than we are of them. Oh look here, pepper spray, spices to spray, what an addition to any dinner table.” tries it “Ugh, horrible!” “Yeah, but Muggles seem to like it. Huh, where have they all gone to?”

 “A picture of me filling a Muggle shopping cart, I think that would be of great interest to your readers, Rita.” “Actually, Gilderoy, I have the feeling that you just follow me to see which Muggle item I put in my cart, but I won't tell you.” “Take this soup for example. Its timeless design would match perfectly with my teint, don't you think so Rita?” “That's dog food, not soup.”
“So, you came up with all these spells, we had to learn at Hogwarts? That's really interesting. How did you come up with all these things?” “I beg your pardon, do I know you? And what am I doing in here?” “Yes, we know each other and we're here to do some Muggle shopping. What would you buy if you were a Muggle?” “What is a Muggle?” “Oh dear.”
“You're such a sweet girl. And it's so kind of you to go shopping with me, Daphne.” “Who could resist going shopping with such an intellectual. You know, I feel so much safer, now that you're living next door. Just imagine anything should happen to me and there you are to rescue me. Oh, this one is nice strawberries, they will go well with the cream.”
“Strawberries and cream, I wonder what they will do with this, Harriet.” “I don't know. However, what I do know is the Muggle items that our candidates purchased: Cornelius bought a salad dressing, Dolores a potpourri in the shape of a cat, Arthur bought and tried a pepper spray, Irma a bookmark, Rita bought a fountain pen, Gilderoy a tin of dog food, Miranda bought a notebook, Gwenog a table tennis set and last but not least Ludo bought a couple of items that we cannot mention on air.”
“An impressing list, Harriet, but now it is the turn of our dear viewers, please, send in owls and let us know which of our candidates has to leave the show.” “Yes, please do so, we are very curious what you're deciding and are quite sure that no other forces will intervene this time.”
Make sure not to miss the next episode of 'I'm Not a Muggle – Get Me Out of Here' when our candidates will go on an outing to a famous Muggle sight. However, this will be done with one less candidate.  (HKS&LPG)

  Media Pressure?

(The World) The media are to blame. They are to blame for many things, and sometimes they are blamed correctly. Let us have a look at media and media pressure.
The media, most notably print media, have been blamed for many things over time. Some accusations were not founded, like the one that it was the media who caused a German minister for the defence to step back from office. You cannot blame media for the plagiarism committed years earlier, can you? And asking questions is the job of a journalist. So such a supposed media-affair is actually no affair at all, it’s just the core of journalism.
And yet that particular case is also a case of media pressure, since yes, there was pressure. The reason for the resignation was the fraud, but maybe, just maybe, the media managed to formulate things in a way that made every other step impossible. There are some people who say that every headline is a good one, but that is not true. Bad publicity can cost your job if you

  have a responsible office. Ask all the men and women resigning for reasons covered-up for years and just dug up by investigative journalists.
The same is true for media coverage about people aspiring to get into office. It is very interesting to watch and read all the coverage concerning candidates. One word, one turn of phrase can cause the whole nation to either love or hate the people in question. Media have a large quantity of power to influence political scales. And if they use that power close to election day, it is even worse.
We do the same here at newbroom. We know that. But we would still like to tell people what to do to cope with the media bias at work: Get your information from different sources. Piece reality together by using various newspapers or TV shows. And never forget: You have your own minds. Use them. Think! (BC&MF)

An Open Word

(The World) Usually we present an interesting and breathtaking interview at this place, however, in the light of recent events we present a dialogue that will be conducted next time someone is jumping down our throat because one of our dogs placed one of their excrements in an unfortunate place but we are already in the act of removing it with the help of a plastic bag.
You: That's disgusting! Can't your dog go somewhere else?
I: Oh, you don't want me to take it away? I'm sorry, I didn't know that.
You: Of course! You have to take it away.
I: Oh, I just thought because you were grouching at me. Either people grouch because they want the excrement to be

removed, can't be in your case as I was already in the act of doing it so it must have been the opposite.
You: That's ridiculous.
I: I agree completely. It's ridiculous to grouch if I'm already doing what you want me to do. But maybe you like grouching. So, I better leave the excrement right where it is, which makes it much more satisfying for you to grouch because there really is a reason. I could also come more often to your place. I'm afraid I don't always know when my dogs have to go to the toilet but if I pass your home by twice or thrice a day it should work out every now and then. I can ring your bell then and you can grouch while we continue our walk. Or wouldn't it be nice if I just left it there and did not 		ring then you can feel free to grouch at any dog owner who passes by.
You: You're insolent.
I: Oh, so you do know the difference between insolent and polite. I thought you wouldn't have been so insolent if you had known that there also was a decent way to talk to people. I guess I was wrong there.

Then we will simply walk away as we don't talk to people who know how to be polite and still behave quite indecently to us. Don't get us wrong: feel free to grouch at anyone who leaves the excrement of his dog behind without taking any action to clean the place, we hate these people, too, but for heaven's sake leave the others alone! (All)

 

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Sit in the sun and try this, Severus!

Disclaimer: All names, characters and places are property of J.K. Rowling and Warner bros., except of those not found in the "Harry Potter" books and movies which belong to Ulrike Friedrich and Kirsten Seelbach. No financial and/or commercial gain is intended.